# 'Passed'; not 'died' **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 3, 2013, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276 "2013-08-03T21:30:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/41 "2013-08-04T16:25:39Z")
If you aren’t using “late,” how else do you refer to someone who has died? “My dead mother used to say”? “My husband, who died, …” There isn’t a graceful way to say this except “late.” I have found if I don’t, people ask me how the person is doing and answering “dead” just seems awkward. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/42 "2013-08-04T16:29:22Z")
I occasionally read my small, hometown newspaper online. In the obituary section, instead of saying “Chuck died yesterday…” it is quite common for the obits to begin with: “John entered the arms of his savior…” “Mary was called to heaven…” “Joe entered the kingdom of god…” And sometimes, there seems to have been hundreds of people watching this event as it always says, “They were surrounded by all their family and friends…”, which has to be kind of intimidating and scary to have them all hovering and watching you until you croak. Of course, even worse is when someone says, “I buried my dad yesterday…” and I just so much want to ask, “What kind of shovel did you use? Was the dirt hard? How long did it take you to dig down those six feet and was it hard to climb out?” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/43 "2013-08-04T16:33:37Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > Of course, even worse is when someone says, “I buried my dad yesterday…” and I just so much want to ask, “What kind of shovel did you use? Was the dirt hard? How long did it take you to dig down those six feet and was it hard to climb out?” From a friend sometime in the '80s: ‘I went back to the old hometown last week, and I ran into Dave. I asked him how things were there, and he said, “Horrible! We buried Bill Johnson last month.” I was like, “What? Bill Johnson died?” Dave said, “No, we just buried him. That’s what’s so horrible.”’ ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/44 "2013-08-04T17:35:53Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > As is “late” (as in “the late Arthur Dent”). They’re not late; they’re _dead_. This reminds me of the story about a man who in a speech referred to Winston Churchill as “the late Chancellor of the Exchequer”. Churchill (who was present) took joking umbrage at being referred to in this manner, but was told that it sounded funny to call him the “ex-Chancellor of the Exchequer”. And that’s my incredibly obscure and minimally amusing anecdote for the day. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/45 "2013-08-04T18:09:35Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > No one for, “pining for the fjords”? 😃 There’s always “nailed to the perch” or “just resting”. What about “gone to join the choir invisible” ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/46 "2013-08-04T18:40:43Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > > [@drewtwo99](#): > > > > No one for, “pining for the fjords”? 😃 > > There’s always “nailed to the perch” or “just resting”. > > What about “gone to join the choir invisible” When the time comes, I would prefer that the Ottlets refer to me as “no longer vooming.” The fact that I rarely if ever voomed, 10,000 volts or no 10,000 volts, is beside the point. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/47 "2013-08-04T18:42:44Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > “Smartsized.” Don’t forget “rightsized,” which may be even worse. ‘It turns out we were wrong to ever hire those people because the company wasn’t supposed to be that size.’ ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/48 "2013-08-04T19:08:18Z")
> [@For You](#): > > I prefer to take euphemisms to the extreme, as in, “_He’s taken out a mortgage on a tract of agricultural property_.” I like this one 😛 > [@EmilyG](#): > > The euphemism for death that I don’t like is “went to sleep.” Umm, most people do that every day. > > Also, I once saw toilet paper being called “bath tissue” in an ad. Not even “bathroom tissue” - “bath tissue.” Come on. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone using toilet paper for anything while taking a bath. I will use it to blow my nose, it being the only meltable paper product normally found in our bathroom. > [@DMark](#): > > And sometimes, there seems to have been hundreds of people watching this event as it always says, “They were surrounded by all their family and friends…”, which has to be kind of intimidating and scary to have them all hovering and watching you until you croak. > > Of course, even worse is when someone says, “I buried my dad yesterday…” and I just so much want to ask, “What kind of shovel did you use? Was the dirt hard? How long did it take you to dig down those six feet and was it hard to climb out?” Well, my husband, brother and mother were there when my Dad kicked the bucket. It was our daily hospital visit [he was in the ICU, having stroked out postoperatively from a random blood clot.] And I love the evil people on this board 😃 I could see asking about the shovel and if the dirt was hardpan or not 😛 ---
**Author:** ![singular1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@singular1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/singular1)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/49 "2013-08-04T19:51:51Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Don’t forget “rightsized,” which may be even worse. ‘It turns out we were wrong to ever hire those people because the company wasn’t supposed to be that size.’ I am to be “Declared a Surplus” along with the rest of my group next Friday, as our jobs are sent to California. Try to imagine the immense comfort we all draw from that… ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/50 "2013-08-04T20:11:33Z")
> [@johnpost](#): > > saying ‘passed’ makes you seem like an old fart. Bull. I never even heard it until a few years ago. Certainly it wasn’t common. “Passed away” is older, although I have never used it. I think “died” marks us old farts (or “golden agers”). And just to show how learned I am, I will mention that “toilet” comes from the diminutive of the French word “toile” which is a curtain. The path from that to the ceramic defecatorium is long and twisted. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/51 "2013-08-04T20:20:34Z")
> [@singular1](#): > > I am to be “Declared a Surplus” along with the rest of my group next Friday, as our jobs are sent to California. Try to imagine the immense comfort we all draw from that… Do you work for Mr. Scrooge? ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/52 "2013-08-04T20:23:46Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > [The toilet is in the bathroom. Duh! Where else would it be?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=522728) [**Dr. Watson’s ceramics workshop**](http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/AdveThre.shtml) where he moonlighted. > [@](#): > > Holmes made no further allusion to the matter that day, though he sat lost in thought for a long time after our belated dinner. At eight in the morning, he came into my room just as I finished my toilet. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/53 "2013-08-04T21:11:00Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > As is pointed out in that thread, the word “toilet” (imported from French) is itself a euphemism, originally meaning a place for dressing oneself, or the act of dressing oneself. > > I don’t actually think there is a common word for the place in question that isn’t a euphemism, or started out as one. Unless “shitter” counts. > > (By the way, I assume any parrot jokes in this thread are redundant?) That would be Crapper, since the apparatus was popularized by [Thomas Crapper](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Crapper). **Johnny** , I agree with you about death, dying and dead. When My son died I almost attacked the woman at the funeral home (another) kept saying he was “taken,” “passed,” or “left us.” I screamed at her that he had DIED! My husband’s euphemism for death is “Bit the farm.” He is the king of mixed metaphors. The EMS secret metaphor is DRT. (Dead right there.) ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/54 "2013-08-04T22:08:55Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > After some consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that the sentence “X died” sounds both too blunt and incomplete as a sentence all its own (it’s not, but that’s how my ear/mind reacts). By contrast, “X passed away” sounds more like a complete sentence. > > But that’s just me. Nope. Me too. Context matters, but to my ear “Joe died” sounds blunt and uncaring in a clinical “brutally honest” way. When I’m addressing anyone who cared for/about the ex-parrot, I say “passed away” even though I don’t like it or any of the other euphemisms. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/55 "2013-08-04T22:12:05Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > There’s always “nailed to the perch” or “just resting”. > > What about “gone to join the choir invisible” Pssst- see post #33 ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/56 "2013-08-04T22:56:58Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > That’s one of my pet peeves (and it takes a lot these days to keep a peeve fed and cared for). Discomfort is when your underwear ride up on you. Pain is what medical procedures cause. Sugarcoating it just makes you look clueless or deceptive, even if the intent is to minimize discomfort at causing another person unavoidable pain. I suppose it depends on the procedure. My doctor told me that there may be some discomfort from the prostate check. He was right- no pain, but it sure wasn’t comfortable. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/57 "2013-08-05T00:23:03Z")
> [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](#): > > The people who were shown the door? They were fired…let go…laid off…etc. But impacted? C’mon. Don’t try to sugar coat the fact that they don’t have jobs anymore. It’s insulting. These stupid euphemisms for firing people annoy me, too – especially “rightsized.” Grrrr. I do feel the need to point out, however, that “fired” and “laid off” have different meanings legally. > [@urban1a](#): > > I have noticed an attempt to rewrite delivering the bad news back in time recently. On some program, which had a scene in the past (50s or 60s), a person was told that their relative/friend had passed. No one ever used that term then. They didn’t say “passed” but they did say “passed on” or “passed away.” > [@the\_O](#): > > Medical doctors are great at “euphemisms.” “You’ll feel some discomfort,” they’ll say, instead of, “This is going to hurt.” I really appreciated the doctor who did my bone marrow biopsy years ago. He said, “I’m going to give you a local anesthetic, but it won’t really change the fact that sucking marrow out of your hip bone is going to hurt. I’ll try my best to keep it to a minimum.” I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything that painful in my life. I was glad he let me mentally prepare myself. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/58 "2013-08-05T01:33:58Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > That would be Crapper, since the apparatus was popularized by [Thomas Crapper](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Crapper). Hmm… [QUOTE=Wiki link] […] Crapper did not invent the flush toilet. He did, however, do much to increase the popularity of the toilet, and developed some important related inventions, such as the ballcock. [/QUOTE] [Stephen Fry] [Ball… cock.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVQpptf7SIs&t=0m5s) [/Stephen Fry] ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/59 "2013-08-05T02:31:44Z")
> [@bump](#): > > My doctor told me that there may be some discomfort from the prostate check. He was right- no pain, but it sure wasn’t comfortable. My doctor always points out that it’s no walk in the park for him, either. I mention that I’m paying him to do it. By then it’s over. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276/60 "2013-08-05T03:19:37Z")
In what way is saying passed instead of died refusing to face reality? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passed-not-died/665276.md?page=4)