# Passing on a stupid but funny piece

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passing-on-a-stupid-but-funny-piece/585349>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [June 13, 2011, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passing-on-a-stupid-but-funny-piece/585349 "2011-06-13T19:46:27Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 1

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\
**Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passing-on-a-stupid-but-funny-piece/585349/1 "2011-06-13T19:46:27Z")

</div>

'cuz it made me laugh, and gawd knows the world could use a little laughter these days. OK, so it’s not Mark Twain or James Thurber, but it made me 😃 and that’s a hard thing to do these days.

* * *

Dear Noah,  
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.  
Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,  
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood  
pumping through them, they can never get an erection.  
Enjoy fantasizing about that.  
Sincerely, Logic

Dear Icebergs,  
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.  
Sincerely, The Titanic

Dear America,  
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.  
Sincerely, Canada

Dear Yahoo,  
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just  
saying…  
Sincerely, Google  
Dear girls who have been dumped,  
There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.  
Sincerely, BP

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,  
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.  
Sincerely, Stevie Wonder  
Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,  
Please make one for every skin color.  
Sincerely, Black people

Dear Scissors,  
I feel your pain…no one wants to run with me either.  
Sincerely, Sarah Palin

Dear Osama Bin Laden,  
Marco…  
Sincerely, United States

Dear World of Warcraft,  
Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.  
Sincerely, Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,  
What was your power again?  
Sincerely, Superman

Dear Customers,  
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.  
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Ugly People,  
You’re welcome.  
Sincerely, Alcohol

Dear World,  
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because  
some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?  
Sincerely, The Mayans

Dear White People,  
Don’t you just hate immigrants?  
Sincerely, Native Americans

Dear iPhone,  
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You  
piece of shut.  
Sincerely, Every iPhone User

Dear Trash,  
At least you get picked up…  
Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore

## Dear Man, It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it? Sincerely, Elephant

🆒

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\
**Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/passing-on-a-stupid-but-funny-piece/585349/2 "2011-06-13T22:14:49Z")

</div>

Sometimes you need a bit of dumb humor on a cranky day.