# Pat Robertson.. the new Nostradamus **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 3, 2007, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pat-robertson-the-new-nostradamus/386526 "2007-01-03T13:10:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2007, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pat-robertson-the-new-nostradamus/386526/41 "2007-01-04T19:36:08Z")
I’m a Christian, and this thread is cracking me up! Pat Robertson, the guy who makes Criswell look like Walter Cronkite. ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2007, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pat-robertson-the-new-nostradamus/386526/42 "2007-01-05T19:48:24Z")
[QUOTE=RTFirefly] And, way back when, he told his followers he was coming back ‘soon.’ This is obviously only true for very large values of ‘soon.’ [/QUOTE] LOL, 😃 this is really hilarious. Good one, **RT**. ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2007, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pat-robertson-the-new-nostradamus/386526/43 "2007-01-05T19:56:17Z")
[QUOTE=RTFirefly] And, way back when, he told his followers he was coming back ‘soon.’ This is obviously only true for very large values of ‘soon.’ [/QUOTE] Actually, I heard a fundamentalist Christian actually argue against the accuracy of the Bible once because of this.. Ironic, I know. They used the common _criticism_ of the Bible that says all the N.T. is written decades after his ascension by people who assumed he’d be back in their lifetimes then realized he might be a little while. One of them forgot exactly how Jesus phrased it and that he actually said he’d be back “sometime”. I don’t know what Bible passage says he’d be back soon (or if there is one), just that My Fundamentalist Friend (band name) said the assumption that he’d be back within a few years was entirely the fault of the uneducated people at the time and we’ll just have to wait. A little longer. Or maybe a lot longer. But he’ll be back. Sometime. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2007, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pat-robertson-the-new-nostradamus/386526/44 "2007-01-05T20:22:42Z")
[QUOTE=Ponder Stibbons] Well, in all fairness the wording does say “may”. As in “Monkeys _may_ fly out of my ass in 2007”. Hey, it’s possible! [/QUOTE] :eek: What kind of ass do you have?! ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2007, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pat-robertson-the-new-nostradamus/386526/45 "2007-01-05T20:53:41Z")
[QUOTE=clayton\_e] I don’t know what Bible passage says he’d be back soon (or if there is one), just that My Fundamentalist Friend (band name) said the assumption that he’d be back within a few years was entirely the fault of the uneducated people at the time and we’ll just have to wait. A little longer. Or maybe a lot longer. But he’ll be back. Sometime. [/QUOTE] Was your friend talking about Jesus or Frosty the fucking Snowman? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2007, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pat-robertson-the-new-nostradamus/386526/46 "2007-01-05T21:13:53Z")
[QUOTE=Marley23] Was your friend talking about Jesus or Frosty the fucking Snowman? [/QUOTE] Or perhaps The Terminator? ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2007, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pat-robertson-the-new-nostradamus/386526/47 "2007-01-05T21:28:33Z")
Hey, not my religion. I went to a Catholic H.S. but only remember bits and pieces of the “history” stuff… that and a few debates. ---
**Author:** ![Dog80](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6bbea6/32.png) [@Dog80](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dog80)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2007, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pat-robertson-the-new-nostradamus/386526/48 "2007-01-05T21:56:10Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] Or perhaps The Terminator? [/QUOTE] Jesus is looking for Sarah Connor? ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2007, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pat-robertson-the-new-nostradamus/386526/49 "2007-01-06T01:48:47Z")
[QUOTE=athelas’ quote] For example, 46 percent of white evangelical Christians believe it’s at least somewhat likely that Jesus will return this year, while 17 percent of Catholics and 10 percent of those with no religion feel the same way. [/QUOTE] 10% of those with no religion think it is likely that Jesus will return? That only shows that this 10% is either incredibly stupid or lying about not having religion. Not going to church is not equivalent to being an atheist. Pat Robertson - just like Jean Dixon but not so accurate. ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2007, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pat-robertson-the-new-nostradamus/386526/50 "2007-01-06T20:44:49Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] Or perhaps The Terminator? [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Dog80] Jesus is looking for Sarah Connor? [/QUOTE] You remind me of the sketch by MadTV where the Terminator is sent back in time to protect Jesus. ![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/FYRH2jp2wzs/maxresdefault.jpg)https://www.youtube.com/embed/FYRH2jp2wzs?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque > [@](#): > > _ **Terminator** _: come with me if you want to live! > > _ **Jesus** _: What are you doing? > > _ **Terminator** _: They’re going to arrest you… > > _ **Jesus** _: I know. > > _ **Terminator** _: …and crucify you. > > _ **Jesus** _: I know, it’s supposed to happen. > > _ **Terminator** _: What are you, a glutton for punishment? The real gluttons for punishment are the people who listen and send money to that quack. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2007, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pat-robertson-the-new-nostradamus/386526/51 "2007-01-06T20:46:07Z")
Jesus Christ, Son Of Man. Day Planner: Nov 7, 2007 8 AM : Resurrection 8:15 AM: Coffee 9 AM: Judge quick 10:30 AM judge dead 12 noon: Lunch w/ M. Magdalene 1:30 PM: Insert sandal in anus of P. Robertson 2 PM: Wash feet 2:30 PM: Walk Cerberus (remember plus sized baggies) 3 PM: Wash feet again 3:30 PM: Armageddon 5 PM: Happy hour w/ Vishnu and Buddha ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2007, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pat-robertson-the-new-nostradamus/386526/52 "2007-01-06T22:07:25Z")
You guys don’t get it. God really **does** tell Robertson all these things. And then He and all His Heavenly Host gather 'round the TV, watch Robertson’s show, and laugh their asses off. And God, when He can catch his breath, says, “He’ll buy even dumber bullshit next time! Just you watch! HAWHAWHAWHAWHAWWWW!” ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2007, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pat-robertson-the-new-nostradamus/386526/53 "2007-01-06T22:26:04Z")
[QUOTE=GIGObuster] You remind me of the sketch by MadTV where the Terminator is sent back in time to protect Jesus. ![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/FYRH2jp2wzs/maxresdefault.jpg)https://www.youtube.com/embed/FYRH2jp2wzs?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque The real gluttons for punishment are the people who listen and send money to that quack. [/QUOTE] Geeze, MadTV keeps repeating itself. I remember a very similar sketch right after O.J. got off and the Dream Team went time-traveling (with references aplenty to Quantum Leap) getting famous people off. This, of course, included Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2007, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pat-robertson-the-new-nostradamus/386526/54 "2007-01-06T22:58:47Z")
[QUOTE=asterion] Geeze, MadTV keeps repeating itself. I remember a very similar sketch right after O.J. got off and the Dream Team went time-traveling (with references aplenty to Quantum Leap) getting famous people off. This, of course, included Jesus. [/QUOTE] To be fair (or unfair, YMMV) that sketch was aired in 2000, back then Jesus was almost a recurring character (millennium fever and all that jazz..) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pat-robertson-the-new-nostradamus/386526.md?page=2)