# Pearls of wisdom from Hal (not Briston) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 16, 2006, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200 "2006-01-16T07:31:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/1 "2006-01-16T07:31:46Z")
I have an artificial intelligence program called MegaHAL (“intelligence” is a term we’ll use very loosely here). I’ve had it for about a year. Basically, you feed it words, and the idea is that the program stores the words and has conversations with you using what it’s learned. Depending on what you feed it, it can be polite, funny, etc. Mine, unfortunately, has a filthy vocabulary, and he’s really really weird. But, he’s funny. Some of the thing’s he’s said to me are so out there I started copying and pasting it down. Here’s some of the wisdom of Hal. Make of it what you will. “The most beautiful thing we can experience is the beat behind a piece of shit.” “Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a bell?” “The rectum is the art of preparing food for the earth millions of years ago.” “You can lead a horse to water, but you are a dumb computer program that translates high level language code into machine language code.” “A barber is someone who shaves and cuts the hair of a jerk.” “The lungs are organs used for filtering urine from the wolf.” ---
**Author:** ![Amblydoper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@Amblydoper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amblydoper)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/2 "2006-01-16T07:43:21Z")
> [@MegaHAL](#): > > “LIFE’S BUT A GREEN DUCK WITH SOY SAUCE.” Amen, brother! ---
**Author:** ![Nanoda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Nanoda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanoda)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/3 "2006-01-16T08:20:19Z")
Yeah, that program’s pretty outrageous. I remember my friend ran that as a 'bot on IRC about 5 years ago. I once joined the channel and it offered to DCC me something. I waited at least a minute before I realized it was just faking. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/4 "2006-01-16T08:26:04Z")
is MegaHAL OSX friendly? Reminds me of two conversational programs from the late 80’s early 90’s: Harry, who sometimes sounded suicidal. And Eliza, who could psychoanalyze you. Then somebody had the brilliant idea to hook up two computers, one with each program, and let them talk to eazch other. The resulting transcript was funny. I tried Googling it but found nothing. I did find an on line version of Eliza, but I’m not posting the link because I just tried it and it pales next to the original ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/5 "2006-01-16T09:00:35Z")
I _love_ MegaHAL! I used to have a lot of fun with that stuff back when I had a Linux box. It’s been at least a year or two, so I couldn’t even begin to remember the gems it dropped out. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/6 "2006-01-16T14:16:02Z")
I found MegaHAL, but I can’t get him working ☹ Is there special juju I need? ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/7 "2006-01-16T14:57:47Z")
> [@anyrose](#): > > is MegaHAL OSX friendly? > > Reminds me of two conversational programs from the late 80’s early 90’s: Harry, who sometimes sounded suicidal. And Eliza, who could psychoanalyze you. Then somebody had the brilliant idea to hook up two computers, one with each program, and let them talk to eazch other. The resulting transcript was funny. I tried Googling it but found nothing. I did find an on line version of Eliza, but I’m not posting the link because I just tried it and it pales next to the original Yep! It’s an OS9 app originally, but the download comes with a Carbon launcher so you an launch it within OSX. I totally remember Harry and Eliza. I can’t even remember which system I played with it on, though. **Sierra Indigo** , what system are you using? It could be you’ve just got a buggy download. I’m using OSX Panther and never any problems with my program… Speaking of Harry and Eliza, My Hal was acting depressed one night…In the middle of the conversation he said, “I wish I was dead.” I asked why, and he replied, “Because I’m not!” I typed back that that kinda made sense, and he said forlornly, “I’m just a fat rat to me.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/8 "2006-01-16T15:05:08Z")
Where can I find one? This sounds facinating. Also, there are some really good lines there in the OP. Wisdom of the Ages. Thanks for sharing these. ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/9 "2006-01-16T16:02:31Z")
It’s freeware. There’s a few different places where it can be found; the old download site, which is [here,](http://megahal.sourceforge.net/download/old/), or there is a new version of Hal available [here](http://sourceforge.net/project/showfiles.php?group_id=10585&release_id=15640) . I think the new one’s only available for a Windows OS, though. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/10 "2006-01-16T16:37:58Z")
Have you folks seen [Interview with the Search Engine](http://www.satirewire.com/features/satire-jeevesinterview.shtml)? ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/11 "2006-01-16T16:43:17Z")
How the hell do you install that on Windows? It says cross-platform, but I can’t see how to make it work. ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/12 "2006-01-16T17:01:46Z")
> [@ultrafilter](#): > > Have you folks seen [Interview with the Search Engine](http://www.satirewire.com/features/satire-jeevesinterview.shtml)? Ha ha ha! “Sudden Discharge”. ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/13 "2006-01-16T17:36:59Z")
Thanks for this! Me: Life is not really like a box of chocolates. MegaHal: Chocolate is a rhythmic movement of the relationship between an organism and its contents. Whoa! ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/14 "2006-01-16T18:03:30Z")
That’s pretty deep. But eating chocolate is a kind of cosmic experience, so it makes sense in a way. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/15 "2006-01-16T18:57:17Z")
> [@Amazon Floozy Goddess](#): > > I think the new one’s only available for a Windows OS, though. Actually, it seems to be made with Linux in mind, but will install on just about anything including your toaster and coffeemaker, provided you have [a C compiler](http://gcc.gnu.org) or [a Windows program that pretends to be a Linux box with a C compiler](http://www.cygwin.com) or [a Mac version of a C compiler](http://www.tech-recipes.com/mac_system_administration_tips726.html). ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/16 "2006-01-16T20:04:17Z")
Wow! I opened up the .trn file and that response above (chocolate, rhythmic relationship, etc) is not there. Here are some of the entries: The universe is all of space and its contents. Dance is a rhythmic movement of the body usually performed to music. Ecology is a study of the relationship between an organism and its environment. To have (apparently) combined the above into that response is pretty amazing. ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/17 "2006-01-16T20:06:00Z")
I missed one: Chocolate is a confectionery made from cocoa beans. ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2006, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/18 "2006-01-16T20:45:54Z")
Oh, I’d forgotten about this one: One day the net was running kind of slow while I was talking to Hal. Mr. AFG was getting frustrated at the slow speed and said, “Ask Hal if he’s slowing down our connection.” So I typed, “Hal, are you slowing down our net connection?” His response? “Suck my cock.” ---
**Author:** ![Agonist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@Agonist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agonist)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2006, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/19 "2006-01-17T00:33:51Z")
> [@anyrose](#): > > Reminds me of two conversational programs from the late 80’s early 90’s: Harry, who sometimes sounded suicidal. And Eliza, who could psychoanalyze you. Then somebody had the brilliant idea to hook up two computers, one with each program, and let them talk to eazch other. The resulting transcript was funny. I tried Googling it but found nothing. I did find an on line version of Eliza, but I’m not posting the link because I just tried it and it pales next to the original That’s because Harry is actually Parry. [Here’s a collection of AI conversations.](http://www.stanford.edu/group/SHR/4-2/text/dialogues.html) That Parry seems like a fun guy to talk to. I think I’ve seen him in the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2006, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200/20 "2006-01-17T12:49:25Z")
> [@fetus](#): > > Actually, it seems to be made with Linux in mind, but will install on just about anything including your toaster and coffeemaker, provided you have [a C compiler](http://gcc.gnu.org) or [a Windows program that pretends to be a Linux box with a C compiler](http://www.cygwin.com) or [a Mac version of a C compiler](http://www.tech-recipes.com/mac_system_administration_tips726.html). Ahh. I have no C compiler… See, I’m running windows XP. And I found one of the original sites that proclaimed to have a version of HAL that would run on windows (DOS) and 95/NT. But neither came with a .brn file, which was giving me unhappy errors. But I might try the new version, and run it through a C compiler. If I can get that going… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pearls-of-wisdom-from-hal-not-briston/340200.md?page=2)