# Penis identification. No, really. **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [June 5, 2020, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098 "2020-06-05T15:02:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![obbn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/d6d6ee/32.png) [@obbn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obbn)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/1 "2020-06-05T15:02:38Z")
Hello Everyone, I heard someone talking about the Netflix Epstein series and they mentioned that his accusers/ victims all described his Little Epstein being “egg shaped”, bigger at base and getting thinner at the end I guess. So let’s say that multiple women were assaulted by an unknown assailant in the dark and the only common identifying characteristic was a Humpty Dumpty like penis. Let’s assume this is only noticeable on an erect member. If the police have a possible suspect can that suspect be forced to stimulate himself so they can put his member in some sort of penis lineup? Or can the police have a doctor administer a drug to achieve the same effect? ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/2 "2020-06-05T15:15:24Z")
I know that the police can force a suspect to be photographed in the nude (Michael Jackson, for example) via court order. Whether they can compel the suspect to become erect I do not know. What if the suspect is impotent and cant become erect? ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/3 "2020-06-05T15:20:27Z")
> [@obbn](#): > > “egg shaped”, bigger at base and getting thinner at the end I guess. Where the hell do you buy your eggs? ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/4 "2020-06-05T15:29:01Z")
Something tells me pumping prisoners full of drugs violates the Hippocratic oath (and where would this doctor be coming from, anyway?), and more generally sexually assaulting suspects is also not a legitimate way of obtaining evidence. Now there was a [story](https://theweek.com/speedreads/450281/police-have-warrant-teen-boys-erection) a few years ago alleging the exact scenario you describe, but it’s not clear this was real news and not a _Law & Order: SVU_ script. ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/5 "2020-06-05T15:36:23Z")
I should say, sexual assault by police is, unfortunately, a not-unheard-of depravation, but it does not make it more legitimate than any other kind of abuse. ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/6 "2020-06-05T15:36:36Z")
> [@DPRK](#): > > Something tells me pumping prisoners full of drugs violates the Hippocratic oath (and where would this doctor be coming from, anyway?), and more generally sexually assaulting suspects is also not a legitimate way of obtaining evidence. > > Now there was a [story](https://theweek.com/speedreads/450281/police-have-warrant-teen-boys-erection) a few years ago alleging the exact scenario you describe, but it’s not clear this was real news and not a _Law & Order: SVU_ script. The Court of Appeals ruled that the police action was unconstitutional. > **[Court: Penis photo demands violated Manassas teen's rights](https://www.insidenova.com/news/crime_police/prince_william/court-penis-photo-demands-violated-manassas-teens-rights/article_92b9f490-dc40-11e7-898b-9ba26201ff57.html)** > > A federal appeals court has now ruled that a Manassas detective ran afoul of the law when he obtained a search warrant to take photos of a teenage boy’s erect > [@](#): > > A federal appeals court has now ruled that a Manassas detective ran afoul of the law when he obtained a search warrant to take photos of a teenage boy’s erect penis as part of a “sexting” investigation. > > The U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit ruled on Dec. 5 that David Edward Abbott violated the constitutional rights of a 17-year-old boy back in 2014 when he demanded that the teen “manipulate his penis to achieve an erection” in front of several police officers. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/7 "2020-06-05T15:50:36Z")
> [@obbn](#): > > If the police have a possible suspect can that suspect be forced to stimulate himself so they can put his member in some sort of penis lineup? Or can the police have a doctor administer a drug to achieve the same effect? It wouldn’t surprise me if, in this type of case, there were other people, beyond the victims, that have been intimate with the person, can accurately ID the person AND are willing to do so under oath. For example, in the OPs example, maybe the suspect has a former or current sexual partner that can confirm or deny it. How we could confirm what they said is true, I don’t know. I suppose in some of these cases, if they are totally innocent and everything hinges on this one piece of evidence, the lawyer might be able to set up a deal where their client will voluntarily get an erection and agree to have it photographed or directly viewed by [someone? who?]. In exchange, if they decide he’s not the suspect, they’ll clear his name. ---
**Author:** ![am77494](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d2c977/32.png) [@am77494](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/am77494)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/8 "2020-06-05T15:54:24Z")
First of all apologies to all victims of abuse. But this kind of identification is a disservice to the victims because it may lead the wrong guy getting caught while the perp is still out there abusing other victims. Even things like bite marks are not very scientific methods of identification. : Cite 1: [Forensic bitemark identification: weak foundations, exaggerated claims | Journal of Law and the Biosciences | Oxford Academic](https://academic.oup.com/jlb/article/3/3/538/2544494) Cite 2: [Bite Mark Evidence | California Innocence Project](https://californiainnocenceproject.org/issues-we-face/bite-mark-evidence/) The added trauma of identification of penis from a lineup is really punishment for the abused and serves no real purpose. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/9 "2020-06-05T15:59:24Z")
It’s not like the victim will be picking the guy out of a lineup. Perhaps the same report from multiple victims could be used as evidence if one of them can positively identify the perpetrator with other means, but on it’s own it’s worthless, and even in that context it’s questionable. Even fingerprints are questionable these days, an artists dick pic rendering will not be worth much. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/10 "2020-06-05T16:28:09Z")
> [@madsircool](#): > > Whether they can compel the suspect to become erect I do not know. Hire a priest. “The power of Christ compels you to become erect.” ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/11 "2020-06-05T16:29:40Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Hire a priest. “The power of Christ compels you to become erect.” Im enjoying this post on more than one level. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/12 "2020-06-05T16:59:56Z")
While the case mentioned was decided against the police, how much of that was the fact that the suspect in that case was a minor? Would the same decision be applicable against an adult suspect? ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/13 "2020-06-05T18:31:16Z")
> [@x-ray\_vision](#): > > Where the hell do you buy your eggs? I don’t understand your confusion. Chicken eggs normally have a thinner end a thicker, rounded base end. ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/14 "2020-06-05T18:40:44Z")
> [@obbn](#): > > “egg shaped”, bigger at base and getting thinner at the end I guess. > [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](#): > > I don’t understand your confusion. Chicken eggs normally have a thinner end a thicker, rounded base end. Starting with a bigger base and “getting” thinner sounds more like a carrot, to me. Getting thicker, reaching maximum thickness around the middle, and getting thinner again sounds more like a description of an egg. But of course I was only funnin’. It wasn’t a critique meant to be taken too seriously. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/15 "2020-06-05T19:38:26Z")
I’ve seen many penises, both flaccid and erect. I have NEVER seen one egg-shaped. ---
**Author:** ![Folly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folly/32/3219_2.png) [@Folly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folly)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/16 "2020-06-05T19:42:26Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I’ve seen many penises, both flaccid and erect. I have NEVER seen one egg-shaped. I wonder if there was a bad reaction to an attempted… _enhancement_. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/17 "2020-06-05T20:23:06Z")
No, that gets you a bagel dog. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/18 "2020-06-05T21:08:06Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I’ve seen many penises, both flaccid and erect. I have NEVER seen one egg-shaped. Similarly, I’ve seen many eggs, both soft-boiled and hard-boiled. I have NEVER seen one penis-shaped. mmm ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2020, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/19 "2020-06-05T21:19:12Z")
Soft-boiled and hard-boiled won’t get you there. > **[Amazon.com: OMG Penis Egg Fryer : Health & Household](https://www.amazon.com/OMG-HH31-Penis-Egg-Fryer/dp/B000YX3E7Y)** > > Buy OMG Penis Egg Fryer on Amazon.com ✓ FREE SHIPPING on qualified orders ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2020, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098/20 "2020-06-06T19:53:56Z")
> [@x-ray\_vision](#): > > Soft-boiled and hard-boiled won’t get you there. > > [https://www.amazon.com/OMG-HH31-Penis-Egg-Fryer/dp/B000YX3E7Y](https://www.amazon.com/OMG-HH31-Penis-Egg-Fryer/dp/B000YX3E7Y) Huh. Part of the description says “You can make the most hilarious eggs and much more”. Maybe I lack imagination, but I’m not sure what more you can do with that. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penis-identification-no-really/855098.md?page=2)