# Penises are NOT OPTIONAL EQUIPMENT (says Church of England) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 21, 2012, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768 "2012-11-21T20:53:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/1 "2012-11-21T20:53:11Z")
For bishops, anyway: > **[The Church of England Votes Against Female Bishops | TIME.com](https://world.time.com/2012/11/21/the-church-of-england-votes-against-women-bishops/)** > > With many hoping to smash the stained-glass ceiling, the Church of England voted over allowing women to serve as bishops on Nov.20. But the ceiling remains intact, as the vote failed to pass and the outcome could have major implications for the... My goodness, what do you suppose they, um, get up to in the Bishops’ Locker Room that women can’t be invited in??? Never mind. I think I don’t want to know. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/2 "2012-11-21T21:23:35Z")
The most baffling part of all this is that the head of the CofE is a woman. In fact, there have been several women at the top over the centuries. I count 5 from Elizabeth I. Good enough to be in charge, not good enough to run a diocese. Odd. ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/3 "2012-11-21T22:03:57Z")
> [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](#): > > For bishops, anyway: > > [Church of England Votes Against Female Bishops | TIME.com](http://world.time.com/2012/11/21/the-church-of-england-votes-against-women-bishops/) > > My goodness, what do you suppose they, um, get up to in the Bishops’ Locker Room that women can’t be invited in??? > Never mind. I think I don’t want to know. The Bishops voted overwhelmingly to allow women Bishops. You may adjust your fevered locker room fantasies accordingly. It was the Laity that scuppered the move. ---
**Author:** ![Alka\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Alka\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alka_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/4 "2012-11-22T10:49:52Z")
> [@ftg](#): > > The most baffling part of all this is that the head of the CofE is a woman. In fact, there have been several women at the top over the centuries. I count 5 from Elizabeth I. Good enough to be in charge, not good enough to run a diocese. Maybe the Queen has an honorary penis stashed away somewhere. It’s an absurd situation. To be fair, the majority of the CofE are in favour of women bishops. The motion was narrowly defeated by the voting rules of the General Synod, which require a two-thirds majority in the houses of bishops, clergy and laity. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/5 "2012-11-22T14:07:05Z")
> [@Baron\_Greenback](#): > > The Bishops voted overwhelmingly to allow women Bishops. You may adjust your fevered locker room fantasies accordingly. It was the Laity that scuppered the move. Ironically it was many women in the laity who scuppered the move. They think that women should not hold positions of authority in the Church because Paul The Misogynist said so. But apparently that does not prevent these women from voting in the Synod and therefore dictating the rules. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/6 "2012-11-22T14:22:21Z")
> [@Alka\_Seltzer](#): > > Maybe the Queen has an honorary penis stashed away somewhere. The mace of office might qualify. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/7 "2012-11-22T14:44:52Z")
> [@Alka\_Seltzer](#): > > Maybe the Queen has an honorary penis stashed away somewhere. So that’s what she keeps in that little purse! ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/8 "2012-11-22T21:22:08Z")
It’s true. How can you have a bishop without a bishopric? ---
**Author:** ![mascaroni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@mascaroni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mascaroni)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2012, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/9 "2012-11-23T20:10:56Z")
> [@Baron\_Greenback](#): > > …You may adjust your fevered locker room fantasies accordingly… Could that be paraphrased as “ **Ulf** , stop bashing the bishop”? ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2012, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/10 "2012-11-23T20:41:58Z")
> [@ftg](#): > > The most baffling part of all this is that the head of the CofE is a woman. In fact, there have been several women at the top over the centuries. I count 5 from Elizabeth I. Good enough to be in charge, not good enough to run a diocese. > > Odd. I’ve heard this argument before. But: The head of the CoE is also not authorised to baptise, confirm, solemnise matrimony, administer communion, bury the dead… in fact, the head of the CoE is more unlike a priest than like one. You know, a bit like how she can be a Colonel-in-Chief without needing to know which end of a rifle the bullet comes out. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2012, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/11 "2012-11-23T20:48:00Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > I’ve heard this argument before. But: The head of the CoE is also not authorised to baptise, confirm, solemnise matrimony, administer communion, bury the dead… in fact, the head of the CoE is more unlike a priest than like one. > > You know, a bit like how she can be a Colonel-in-Chief without needing to know which end of a rifle the bullet comes out. OK. Surely a woman could be trained to give out crackers and pour wine, no? ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2012, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/12 "2012-11-23T21:33:43Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > I’ve heard this argument before. But: The head of the CoE is also not authorised to baptise, confirm, solemnise matrimony, administer communion, bury the dead… in fact, the head of the CoE is more unlike a priest than like one. But women _can_ do all those things in the CofE, they just can’t move up in the administrative hierarchy. It’s having more administrative power that is the whole issue. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2012, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/13 "2012-11-23T22:44:40Z")
> [@ftg](#): > > The most baffling part of all this is that the head of the CofE is a woman. In fact, there have been several women at the top over the centuries. I count 5 from Elizabeth I. > [@panache45](#): > > So that’s what she keeps in that little purse! Priest: “But your Majesty, you can’t be head of the Church without a penis!” Elizabeth I: “Such a thing can easily be acquired…” _\_ Priest: “Why are you looking at me like…_attached!_ It has to still be attached!!” ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2012, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/14 "2012-11-23T22:44:44Z")
I’m glad and heartened to see the Church of England standing by biblical principles on this. Combined with the relative conservatism of the new Archbishop, I hope this portends a new trend for the Anglican Church. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2012, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/15 "2012-11-23T23:08:54Z")
> [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](#): > > I’m glad and heartened to see the Church of England standing by biblical principles on this. Combined with the relative conservatism of the new Archbishop, I hope this portends a new trend for the Anglican Church. I know you’ve heard this before, but you _have_ to be kidding, right? ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2012, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/16 "2012-11-23T23:09:13Z")
> [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](#): > > I’m glad and heartened to see the Church of England standing by biblical principles on this. Combined with the relative conservatism of the new Archbishop, I hope this portends a new trend for the Anglican Church. Oh, I have a feeling women have always and will continue to have power over and above those who endorse Biblical sexism. ---
**Author:** ![Bilbo1967](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bilbo1967](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bilbo1967)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2012, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/17 "2012-11-23T23:13:14Z")
> [@Alka\_Seltzer](#): > > Maybe the Queen has an honorary penis stashed away somewhere. I think he’s called Philip. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2012, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/18 "2012-11-23T23:53:26Z")
Um, Qin the Archbiship-designate, Justin Welby, is _in favour_ of admiting women to the episcopate; he just gave a speech endorsing it a few weeks ago. It says so in the article the OP linked to. Excluding women just isn’t sustainable in the long run. While right now male priests outnumber female priest by a 2:1 margin; [more](http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/9060296/More-new-women-priests-than-men-for-first-time.html) women are being ordained than men. ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2012, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/19 "2012-11-24T17:32:54Z")
> [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](#): > > I’m glad and heartened to see the Church of England standing by biblical principles on this. Combined with the relative conservatism of the new Archbishop, I hope this portends a new trend for the Anglican Church. I’m a British Atheist, and I approve this post. (Well I could quibble with the ‘new trend’ bit. Rather say ‘I hope this continues the existing trend for the Anglican Church’). ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2012, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768/20 "2012-11-24T18:10:51Z")
> [@ftg](#): > > But women _can_ do all those things in the CofE, they just can’t move up in the administrative hierarchy. It’s having more administrative power that is the whole issue. _Women_ can. The point is that the _Queen_ can’t, so arguing that women could be bishops because the boss of the church is a woman is illogical. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/penises-are-not-optional-equipment-says-church-of-england/641768.md?page=2)