# People have been mistaking me as gay: should I care? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 5, 2015, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995 "2015-01-05T01:26:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/1 "2015-01-05T01:26:50Z")
I keep finding out that some people, when they first meet me, confuse me for a gay man. I then later find out that they have been telling my other friends that they think I am gay, and when told that I am heterosexual they say “but I have a really good gaydar and I was quite sure…” I make a lot of jokes about penises, butt-sex, and other immature topics. I think this may give others the impression that I am really just camouflaging that I want these things. I just act this way because it is part of my sense of humor. I don’t like stuck-up, pretentious formality among those I consider friends. I guess I don’t really care if some people get the wrong impression. Once they get to know me it will become apparent I like women. But on some level it is an attack on your masculinity for others to say this about you. I feel compelled to correct them and I take offense at being misrepresented. Should I change my behavior and act more outwardly manly, or should I dismiss the misinterpretation of others and simply correct them as needed? ---
**Author:** ![get\_lives](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@get\_lives](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/get_lives)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/2 "2015-01-05T01:33:41Z")
I would just use your obviously effeminate manner to get in girls’ pants…or whatever all these femme-y straight guys are doing to get so much tail. 😉 seriously though. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/3 "2015-01-05T01:36:35Z")
Gaydar don’t lie bro. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![jimbuff314](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c57346/32.png) [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/4 "2015-01-05T01:45:43Z")
Behavior changing is hard. (oops) It could be that you could take a simple step to avoid it. To me, nothing shrieks “manliness” like a [codpiece](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codpiece). Tom Jones, Axl Rose, that GWAR guy - you’d be in good company. 2014 was the year of the ass - let’s make 2015 be the year of the penis. I’m going to look into it. 🙂 Be who you are. Beyoncé does. Kim K does. I think you have an excellent sense of humor. People who speak of their gaydar, in my opinion, are just kidding themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/5 "2015-01-05T01:47:22Z")
Having some people mistake you as gay is an attack on your masculinity? I can understand wanting to set the record straight (so to speak), I’ve had people ask me if I were straight…although I found that more amusing than an attack like you seem to. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/6 "2015-01-05T01:58:35Z")
It used to happen to me a lot when I was younger, in better shape, and less balding. Ask yourself if you’d rather be old, fat, and bald but never mistaken for gay. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/7 "2015-01-05T03:24:03Z")
“ **People have been mistaking me as gay: should I care?** ” You say that like there’s something wrong with it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/8 "2015-01-05T03:35:46Z")
It happened to me sometimes when I was young and single. It was only a problem if the person who thought it was a woman I was interested in dating. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/9 "2015-01-05T03:35:48Z")
Maybe it’s time to buy a saddle. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/10 "2015-01-05T03:44:15Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > I make a lot of jokes about penises, butt-sex, and other immature topics. > … > > Should I change my behavior and act more outwardly manly, or should I dismiss the misinterpretation of others and simply correct them as needed? If that’s gay, the amount of gay men in Spain is so high it’s a wonder any of our children are born the old-fashioned way. And judging by what I “hear” in MMOs while people still think I’m a man, we’re not the only ones… Have your acquaintances told you that’s the reason they decide you’re gay? Now to the original question. Is it being a problem in any other way? No? Then who gives a shit, it’s them who need glasses and a check-in counter for those assumptions. **Nava** , 46-yo, never married, unstylish, short-haired, female engineer working in IT in factories who’d rather be assumed a lesbian than be called “girl” in _that_ tone or told she can’t be an engineer cos she’s a girl. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/11 "2015-01-05T03:46:17Z")
I don’t really see a problem with it. I do know several guys who sort of give off an impression that they are gay, when in fact they are not (and vice-versa too). none of them tell lots of juvenile sex-themes jokes, btw. I don’t see why it would be an insult; just something you may care to set straight if you’re hoping to date them—or turn them down. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/12 "2015-01-05T03:49:14Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > If that’s gay, the amount of gay men in Spain is so high it’s a wonder any of our children are born the old-fashioned way. _snorfle_ In college, I took a film aesthetics class. One of the films we watched was The Maltese Falcon. When Peter Lorre’s character came up in class discussion, one of the freshman guys timidly raised his hand and asked, “Is he gay, or just European?” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/13 "2015-01-05T04:32:11Z")
Hey, whole cultures select for [del]big asses[/del] wide, child-bearing hips, not just Afro-Americans; a common reason given by men who prefer to play female characters in MMOs is “it’s third-person point of view, if I’m going to be looking at some ass for hours I’d rather it be female”… whether that translates into the popularity of anal sex or of doggy style is a second question. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/14 "2015-01-05T09:24:59Z")
I know a guy like that , and it is a problem for him because real life girls only go for him as gay male friend. Awkwardness and a stulted fruendship usually ensues. I also know a girl who wont date that guy because she assumes she knows better then he that he is gay. But if you’re not on the dating market, who cares ? ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/15 "2015-01-05T09:56:35Z")
Who is confusing you for gay? If it is a couple of gay guys hitting on you over years or something, bah! If 75% of people you meet peg you as gay, well I dunno then. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/16 "2015-01-05T10:43:20Z")
People have been confusing me for gay since I was a teenager - including family members. It stopped bothering me eventually. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/17 "2015-01-05T10:45:37Z")
It used to bother me quite a bit until I decided that it came closer in some ways than thinking I was straight. If who you are is girlish, or more girlish than male-bodied people are expected to be, and you like who you are, don’t change; but do come to terms with it. It does make you different. People WILL expect that as a male-bodied person you’ll behave in a boyish or manly way, a masculine way. And the when that expectation doesn’t get met, they’ll expect that it means you’re a gay guy. Instead of protesting that you’re a straight guy you can use any of the (almost ridiculously) rich set of terms favored by genderqueer and transgender people these days: demiguy, trans masculine, trans feminine, etc etc. And you can explain that your gender expression isn’t the same as your orientation and that you’re into female-bodied people (with more specifics as you see fit). ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/18 "2015-01-05T15:11:26Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > It used to bother me quite a bit until I decided that it came closer in some ways than thinking I was straight. > > If who you are is girlish, or more girlish than male-bodied people are expected to be, and you like who you are, don’t change; but do come to terms with it. It does make you different. People WILL expect that as a male-bodied person you’ll behave in a boyish or manly way, a masculine way. And the when that expectation doesn’t get met, they’ll expect that it means you’re a gay guy. Instead of protesting that you’re a straight guy you can use any of the (almost ridiculously) rich set of terms favored by genderqueer and transgender people these days: demiguy, trans masculine, trans feminine, etc etc. And you can explain that your gender expression isn’t the same as your orientation and that you’re into female-bodied people (with more specifics as you see fit). I get the impression that some people think the OP might be gay – not because he is girlish, but because he won’t shut up about anal sex and giving it to dudes in the ass. Protesteth too much, and all that. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/19 "2015-01-05T15:37:49Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > \*\*Should I change my behavior and act more outwardly manly, \*\*or should I dismiss the misinterpretation of others and simply correct them as needed? Nah, they’ll just assume you’re in the closet. Rock Hudson and all that. Perhaps not coincidentally, I thought you were gay. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/20 "2015-01-05T15:55:42Z")
I had the same “problem”. I got over it. You will too. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995.md?page=2)