# People have been mistaking me as gay: should I care? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 5, 2015, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995 "2015-01-05T01:26:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Strainger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strainger/32/244_2.png) [@Strainger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strainger)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/21 "2015-01-05T16:07:13Z")
As long as guys are buying you drinks and not trying to fuck you in the ass, I say roll with it. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/22 "2015-01-05T16:53:12Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > I get the impression that some people think the OP might be gay – not because he is girlish, but because he won’t shut up about anal sex and giving it to dudes in the ass. Protesteth too much, and all that. When I read the OP, this is the second thing that came to my mind (the first was the episode of _Friends_ where everyone thought Chandler was gay because he has “a quality”). I remember an acquaintance several years ago who, as far I know, is straight, but who constantly made cracks(no pun intended) like the OP and would speak in a stereotypical gay manner way way too often. After awhile it started to seem like he was more comfortable speaking in his joke voice than his real one and it was very conspicuous how much he reverted to the gay thing. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/23 "2015-01-05T18:23:13Z")
If people think you’re gay, it’s probably because you exhibit mannerisms that adhere to common stereotypes that gay people share. It has nothing to do with your choice of humor–I have 2 roommates and several of their friends make buttsex jokes all the time, but nobody would mistake them as being gay for this reason. It’s more likely that you have an effeminate voice or dress really well or seem “soft”/unmanly–something like that. You can choose to get outraged, you can choose not to care, or you can ask people why they thought you were gay and try to change those things about yourself. ---
**Author:** ![phreesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@phreesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phreesh)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/24 "2015-01-05T18:23:33Z")
There’s no right answer here. If it bothers you, perhaps change your behavior to act more straight. I don’t even really know what that means, but maybe you do. If it doesn’t bother you, don’t change. In my experience, more effeminate men have a harder time getting girls, if that’s a priority. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/25 "2015-01-05T18:49:29Z")
How old are you and where do you live/work? When I was in High School, some people thought I was gay. (mainly because my older brother started that rumor) The big problem was that this was a Catholic High School and in Oklahoma. High School, Catholic and Oklahoma, not places were ‘gay’ is good. Are you in the US military? Do you live in San Francisco? Are you 12 years old? These factors would shape any response. Mostly I wouldn’t worry about it. You could use it as a ‘trick’ to get women to try and ‘convert’ you. I’m cured! I’m cured! ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/26 "2015-01-05T18:52:27Z")
Male, straight, 64. Don’t know if I’ve ever been mistaken for gay, but there’s never been a time in my life where I could have cared less. ---
**Author:** ![Rex\_Goliath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bcef8e/32.png) [@Rex\_Goliath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rex_Goliath)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/27 "2015-01-05T18:55:07Z")
And we have a front-runner for best sequential threads for 2015. “People have been mistaking me as gay: should I care?” “I think my boyfriend is gay and in denial, what do I do.” ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/28 "2015-01-05T19:33:48Z")
You aren’t by any chance \*\*dazednconfused’s \*\*[boyfriend](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=745401), are you? 😉 If it bothers you…and I’m guessing that it does to some extent, or you wouldn’t have started this thread…maybe try not making “a lot of jokes about penises, butt-sex, and other immature topics”, and see if that makes a difference. even if it doesn’t stop people from thinking you’re gay, they might stop thinking you’re immature…and that’s a step in the right direction under any circumstances. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/29 "2015-01-05T19:36:55Z")
I once ignored a woman’s advances in a bar. She eventually asked me if I was gay. I replied, “no, I like women. I just don’t like you”. If I were the OP I’d make it work for me. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/30 "2015-01-05T19:51:33Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I once ignored a woman’s advances in a bar. She eventually asked me if I was gay. I replied, “no, I like women. I just don’t like you”. > > If I were the OP I’d make it work for me. That sort of thing always makes me laugh. I went to visit my first boyfriends family (they didn’t know he was gay so didn’t know we were a couple). However his sister said she knew that I was gay for the sole reason that I wasn’t checking her out. Of course she was right in this instance, but that seemed to be her standard way of making that determination…I suppose that’s why she didn’t know her brother was gay since checking her out wouldn’t have been expected. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/31 "2015-01-05T20:56:12Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > But if you’re not on the dating market, who cares ? I still cringe at the memory of going on a date with a girl to a Halloween party, and afterwards having her complain to me that all the good guys at the party were gay. “Uh, I’m straight,” I said, and she stammered back, “Well, I didn’t know!” She stood me up on our next date, and that was that. I am SO GLAD I’m no longer dating. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/32 "2015-01-05T21:26:15Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > I still cringe at the memory of going on a date with a girl to a Halloween party, and afterwards having her complain to me that all the good guys at the party were gay. “Uh, I’m straight,” I said, and she stammered back, “Well, I didn’t know!” She stood me up on our next date, and that was that. > > I am SO GLAD I’m no longer dating. I think you meant to say “SO GLADD” you aren’t dating ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/33 "2015-01-05T23:37:45Z")
Honest to god, I thought the OP was a woman. I guess I’m not paying attention… ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/34 "2015-01-05T23:57:59Z")
All you need to do is ditch the black leather pants and the designer neck bandanas for a month or two. You would be amazed at the difference that makes. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/35 "2015-01-06T00:00:54Z")
If it makes you feel better I always thought you were a heterosexual woman until this OP. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/36 "2015-01-06T00:03:48Z")
If you have to ask, then probably not. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/37 "2015-01-06T00:06:11Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > If it makes you feel better I always thought you were a heterosexual woman until this OP. lol, that helps a ton. I think you guys may be confusing me with Green Bean (who _is_ a heterosexual woman) ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/38 "2015-01-06T09:06:08Z")
Most people assume I’m straight at first, until they know me better. It really doesn’t bother me enough to bring up the subject, but at some point I’ll have to correct their misunderstanding. No big deal. They assume you’re gay, based on their stereotypes. If you are “effeminate,” and they equate that with gay, then they’ll consider you gay. I am not very effeminate, so they assume I’m straight. Take away the stereotypes, and they’ll stop pre-judging both of us. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/39 "2015-01-06T12:42:29Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > I think you guys may be confusing me with Green Bean (who _is_ a heterosexual woman) The bean clan is very confusing. How’s Lima doin? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995/40 "2015-01-06T13:21:55Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > lol, that helps a ton. > > I think you guys may be confusing me with Green Bean (who _is_ a heterosexual woman) :smack::smack: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-have-been-mistaking-me-as-gay-should-i-care/708995.md?page=3)