# People looking up their dates' credit rating **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 6, 2010, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928 "2010-01-06T18:33:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Neptunian\_Slug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce7236/32.png) [@Neptunian\_Slug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neptunian_Slug)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2010, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/61 "2010-01-09T21:50:22Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > That’s the one! 🙂 > > If you don’t screen dates before the first date, when do you start? Before the third? Before you move in together? Before the wedding? I think people doing serious screening before even the first date have the right idea - you don’t want to go and fall in love with someone completely wrong for you and then ignore things you find out later because you’re _ **in looooooove.** _ Or maybe with a 50% divorce rate, that is exactly how people are doing things. Screening is a process that goes on throughout the dating process. When I first started dating Mrs. Slug, certain things come up in conversation. I wasn’t handling it like an interview process. But certain things come up. You try and find out if she was religious. I wasn’t and that could have been a deal breaker. Down the road, we talked about other things and found out that she didn’t want children. That was another point for her. She wanted to know what I did for a living. What’s my place like? But I wasn’t handing out questionnaires and running credit checks on dates. I don’t think I would have Mrs. Slug today if I had. If a woman has a problem of falling completely head over heels for men (or vice versa) who are bad for them on a semi regular basis, I might recommend a little self-evaluation there. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2010, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/62 "2010-01-09T23:53:26Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > That’s the one! 🙂 > > If you don’t screen dates before the first date, when do you start? Before the third? Before you move in together? Before the wedding? I think people doing serious screening before even the first date have the right idea - you don’t want to go and fall in love with someone completely wrong for you and then ignore things you find out later because you’re _ **in looooooove.** _ Or maybe with a 50% divorce rate, that is exactly how people are doing things. …because nothing says ‘restraining order’ quite like an unexplained credit inquiry traced by [Lifelock](http://www.lifelock.com/) back to the girl you’ve dated once, maybe twice? (Sure its $10 a month, but if I was single, I hope I’d know that it was much less than the cost of alimony.) Chicken? Duck? “Garcon, I’ll just have the steamed [hasenpfeffer](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hasenpfeffer).” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/63 "2010-01-10T02:13:31Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > But if you are going to ignore stuff because you’re in love, you need to grow the fuck up and take responsibility for _that_ rather than trying to learn everything before the “in love” part starts. > > Being in love doesn’t require being stupid. That’s the real lesson. But where would the reality tv industry be if people actually started doing that? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/64 "2010-01-10T03:37:52Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > You must be a hit at parties, what with you doing constant background checks on everyone you meet. Can’t be too careful you know. Yes, because I do it all the time, on every one I meet. I’ve never actually done one on anyone. But after reading the thread and having had the life experiences I’ve had, I’ve come to the conclusion that, as I said, “I don’t think it’s a bad idea”. How you translated that into “constant background checks” says something about your level of insecurity imho. Sorry about that. > [@](#): > > Really, the level of commitment we’re talking about here is a few hours of time. Doing background checks and credit reports is long and boring, and borders on ID theft level of snooping. The only time financial concerns should arise is if there’s any possibility of money or asset sharing (like moving in together, buying a house, a car, a cat, etc.) I’m sorry, but I disagree. The time to check out whether or not someone is reasonably responsible, is LONG before you get to the “let’s move in together” phase. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache with a couple of relationships had I done some good pre-screening. Back in my day there weren’t so many options for researching someone’s background though, and no internet so all I had to go on was dating. If I had it to do over again, and especially with the options available now, I’d definitely consider it. > [@](#): > > A background check won’t find the beer guzzling losers, gold diggers (who may be well off financially on paper :rolleyes:), manipulative abusers who’ve never been arrested, basically anyone named [Ron](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=495672). Good grief, you’re very angry about this. This is just IMHO you know? At any rate, did you see where I said that a credit check was some sort of fail safe guaranteeing a perfect relationship? I didn’t. I merely said I thought that this wasn’t a bad idea, and posted a few reasons why. > [@](#): > > I dated a woman with horrible credit, but was otherwise a wonderful person. I never loaned her money, nor did she ask for it. She was just not very good with finances and did a lot of credit card spending in her past and is paying for it now. By your criteria I should have kept far far away from her. And…nowhere in my thread did I say that what I think is a “Not bad idea” should then be applied across the board for every other person dating out there. Relax, no one is trying to get your bone. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/65 "2010-01-10T03:46:40Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > That’s the one! 🙂 > > If you don’t screen dates before the first date, when do you start? Before the third? Before you move in together? Before the wedding? I think people doing serious screening before even the first date have the right idea - you don’t want to go and fall in love with someone completely wrong for you and then ignore things you find out later because you’re _ **in looooooove.** _ Or maybe with a 50% divorce rate, that is exactly how people are doing things. OR, what **Cat Whisperer** said, only way better than I did. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/66 "2010-01-10T09:26:03Z")
Bah, I was going to type up a longer response, but it’s just not worth it. Many other people already said my reasons for why credit and background checks for a first date is a bad idea, so I’m not going to repeat them. Treating a first date like a job interview and as someone not to be trusted until proven otherwise is not a good way to treat other people. I would continue on with this, but I’m going to need to see some kind of ID. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/67 "2010-01-10T09:55:09Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > I have google searched people’s names - just out of curiousity. I’ve also googled searched their handles (for those who think those are safe). That sort of thing is why I never use the same handle twice. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/68 "2010-01-10T14:47:07Z")
> [@Neptunian\_Slug](#): > > Screening is a process that goes on throughout the dating process. Exactly. Dating IS screening. It’s what we do instead of marrying a person three days after we meet them because they give us funny tingly feelings. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/69 "2010-01-10T20:05:28Z")
Really, we’re just talking about matters of degree here. People who do online dating are screening before they go out on a date. I met my husband of seven years online - sure, I screened him, and he screened me - we knew we were compatible in most of the major points before we even met. If I had a legal credit check available on him before we met - I probably would have taken a peek at that, too. Why ignore important information? ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/70 "2010-01-10T22:31:30Z")
I think an important factor in determining whether or not I’d want to date you is whether you are digging into my personal information without having the balls to ask me. But I don’t get to make that call because _you won’t tell me you’re doing it._ So you’re putting me at a distinct disadvantage through dishonesty before we’ve even had a first date. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/71 "2010-01-11T08:38:15Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > I think an important factor in determining whether or not I’d want to date you is whether you are digging into my personal information without having the balls to ask me. But I don’t get to make that call because _you won’t tell me you’re doing it._ So you’re putting me at a distinct disadvantage through dishonesty before we’ve even had a first date. That’s understandable. I think what I was trying to say,( only badly :)), is that in a way that is what people would be trying to do if they had the chance to know a little something about the other person’s financial habits. For example, my son’s father. Had I known what a sketchy employment history he had much sooner in the relationship (he’d been working at his company for over three years, so on the surface, he looked pretty solid work-wise) there are a lot of decisions I would have made differently. Not necessarily ones that would have resulted in us not dating, but certainly ones that would have kept me on guard against his tendency to opt out of work at any opportunity. But I was denied critical, need to know information. I think people who are for (or somewhat for) this option (if it ever becomes available) feel the same way you do when you say “you’re putting me at a distinct disadvantage…”. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/72 "2010-01-11T14:46:47Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > But I was denied critical, need to know information. You were denied it? By whom? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/73 "2010-01-11T17:40:11Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > I think an important factor in determining whether or not I’d want to date you is whether you are digging into my personal information without having the balls to ask me. But I don’t get to make that call because _you won’t tell me you’re doing it._ So you’re putting me at a distinct disadvantage through dishonesty before we’ve even had a first date. In my example of online dating, why would I ask you? I don’t even know you. I’m just considering your profile as a potential for someone who is compatible enough for me to get to know, just like I considered whether or not someone smokes, drinks, or wants kids. These are all personal things, too. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/74 "2010-01-11T17:55:07Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > In my example of online dating, why would I ask you? I don’t even know you. I’m just considering your profile as a potential for someone who is compatible enough for me to get to know, just like I considered whether or not someone smokes, drinks, or wants kids. These are all personal things, too. Yes, and how do you find out those personal things? Hire a PI or ask the potential date? I have an idea. For those who say it’s only right that they get to know these things before a date, so long as you tell the person you’re going on the date with, “By the way, I will be running a full background check on you including financials” then I don’t have any problem with it. After all, by not telling them you are denying them critical, need-to-know information and the ability to see if you are compatible enough for them to get to know. So, put it on the dating profile and let the potential date decide if it’s something they want to be subjected to. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/75 "2010-01-11T18:13:51Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > I’ve seen this happen in movies. I’ve NEVER heard about it happening in real life. Any sort of factual basis at all to this? I’d be extremely surprised. Ahem. I, uhm, have a friend who does this. No, “friend” is not code-speak for “me.” My friend is kind of stalkerish, and while I don’t think she’s checked anyone’s credit report yet, I’m sure she would if she could. She kind of, um, utilizes some of the resources she has at work to find out information about boys she’s dating. She doesn’t even tell them she’s doing this, she just does then kind of uses the information in her evaluation process. Once I guess she slipped (?) and mentioned that she had the same name of his ex wife. Of course, he was taken aback because he never _told_ her that he had an ex wife. His divorce proceedings, among other information, is just stuff she happened upon during her little background investigation. Not surprisingly, he was turned off by that and doesn’t speak to her anymore. This is actually a loose transcript of a conversation we had: \*Her: When I told him that I looked him up, he didn’t seem to like that. Me: Umm… Her: I dunno, I just want to make sure people aren’t crazy. Me: If you can’t tell if people are crazy without looking into their background information… Her: My last boyfriend was just such a nut, and hid so much from me. Me: You really have to find a way to trust people without… Her: I tried to explain to him that my last boyfriend was a psycho who cheated on me, and was married when we met, and– Me: --You told him all that? This was your second time talking to him, right? Her: I just wanted to explain why I did it. He doesn’t answer when I call anymore. You think I should call him? Me: I thought he didn’t answer your calls. Her: He doesn’t. Maybe I should leave a message and explain. Me: Don’t. Her: I don’t want him to think I’m crazy. Me: (To the bartender) Can you make my next round a double? \* ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/76 "2010-01-11T21:28:57Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > In my example of online dating, why would I ask you? I don’t even know you. Wait…what? You’re making a determination about whether or not you’re willing to go out on a first date with someone, and in addition to knowing whether they smoke or drink or want kids, you believe that knowing they have a clean (enough) credit report is an important factor? For whether you will consider meeting the person, or even contacting them a first time? Would you be afraid to ask your potential date if he had kids if for some reason that info wasn’t on his profile? Would it be appropriate for me to sit half a block away from your house and observe your comings and goings for a week to get an idea about your habits? It might be important to me to not get involved with someone who keeps late hours, so this would be a way for me to find out. I mean, sure, I could just ask you, and choose whether or not to believe your response. But checking up on you surreptitiously is the only way to be sure… ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2010, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/77 "2010-01-12T07:09:52Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > Wait…what? You’re making a determination about whether or not you’re willing to go out on a first date with someone, and in addition to knowing whether they smoke or drink or want kids, you believe that knowing they have a clean (enough) credit report is an important factor? For whether you will consider meeting the person, or even contacting them a first time? Well, it’s something I would _like_ to know. I feel like I’m missing something in this conversation - of course I would like to know if a potential mate has a bad credit rating. Doesn’t everyone want to know that? > [@](#): > > Would you be afraid to ask your potential date if he had kids if for some reason that info wasn’t on his profile? Would it be appropriate for me to sit half a block away from your house and observe your comings and goings for a week to get an idea about your habits? It might be important to me to not get involved with someone who keeps late hours, so this would be a way for me to find out. I mean, sure, I could just ask you, and choose whether or not to believe your response. But checking up on you surreptitiously is the only way to be sure… There are things you ask, and things you find out before dating starts. I would put credit rating in the latter category, ideally. Like I said before though, I wouldn’t be doing that illegally or anything; I would look at it if it was available to me (for example, if it was supplied with a dating profile or something). This discussion is mostly moot anyway, isn’t it? You can’t actually look up someone’s credit rating without them knowing, can you? ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2010, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/78 "2010-01-12T08:49:13Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > You were denied it? By whom? Well, it’s really a smart aleck reference to a BAD bad scifi movie. But my main point was that a person you are dating can tell you anything, spin their lives and experiences anyway they want. Not necessarily doing it on purpose either. In the normaly dating realm, let’s take me and my ex for example. A reasonable scenario which played out was that we did the whole “what do you do” thing, etc. As we dated, I learned where he worked and how long he’d been there. He learned my “stats” as well. What neither of us did was keep grilling each other about how long that job lasted, what was the one before it, did they leave on good terms etc. I realize that all of that is more of a job history than any kind of credit history, but I think that a person’s credit history can parallel what’s going on regarding how ambitious and hard working they are, or aren’t and provide information that way. Sorry, I never give a short answer, at least hardly ever 😃 Lastly “who denied me information”? Well Both myself, because come on, you just don’t Grill your boyfriend or girlfriend about these things, and by him, since he didn’t voluntarily provide information he knew would be critical to a potential partner making their own dating decisions. I hope that makes sense. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2010, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/79 "2010-01-12T11:21:18Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > Lastly “who denied me information”? Well Both myself, because come on, you just don’t Grill your boyfriend or girlfriend about these things Yeah, I mean what’s a girl to do, when just ASKING is so unladylike? :dubious: If you’re comfortable enough with someone to have children with them, you should be comfortable enough to discuss money. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2010, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928/80 "2010-01-12T14:45:50Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > Sorry, I never give a short answer, at least hardly ever 😃 Lastly “who denied me information”? Well Both myself, because come on, you just don’t Grill your boyfriend or girlfriend about these things, and by him, since he didn’t voluntarily provide information he knew would be critical to a potential partner making their own dating decisions. I hope that makes sense. But if you do a secret investigation of him, you are not voluntarily providing information you knew would be critical to a potential partner making their own dating decisions. In order to avoid being deceived, you deceive. (That is, by _secretly_ running a background check. If it isn’t secret, it isn’t deceptive.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-looking-up-their-dates-credit-rating/523928.md?page=5)