# People over 40 shouldn't have to refer to their SOs as "Boyfriend" or "Girlfriend" dangit! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 27, 2015, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860 "2015-10-27T10:37:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/21 "2015-10-27T14:50:55Z")
> [@Carryon](#): > > When I hear the term “Partner” it always makes me think the person is gay. Which is why I refer to her as “partner with lady bits.” ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/22 "2015-10-27T14:56:04Z")
> [@Carryon](#): > > When I hear the term “Partner” it always makes me think the person is gay. This. Although if you’re a hetero couple it can add a whole level of mystery to your relationship if the outsider also reads “partner” as gay. Which of you is the trans? For what it’s worth, I don’t have a problem with middle age folks referring to each other as BF or GF if for no other reason than other titles just sound like you’re trying to avoid saying BF or GF. And it’s downright cute when oldsters use the terms. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/23 "2015-10-27T14:58:42Z")
> [@Carryon](#): > > When I hear the term “Partner” it always makes me think the person is gay. I guess this is cultural. Amongst my (British) circle, “partner” is the perfectly normal reference for anyone over the age of 30 something, particularly for couples who live together, gay and straight. I never hear “Significant Other”, maybe that’s an American thang. ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/24 "2015-10-27T14:59:56Z")
Male here. “Girlfriend” seems fine to me, but me being a “boyfriend” does seem kind of strange. I don’t want to be an “old man,” either. “Lover” sends the wrong message. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/25 "2015-10-27T15:10:42Z")
If I don’t know the marital/relationship status between two people, I default to calling them each other’s “Sweetheart”. It’s gender-neutral, and indicates a more-than-friends relationship without commenting on the intensity or permanence thereof. It’s a little old-fashioned, but IMO that’s a feature not a bug. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/26 "2015-10-27T15:12:05Z")
> [@Balthisar](#): > > “Lover” sends the wrong message. That you have style and confidence? ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/27 "2015-10-27T15:33:33Z")
> [@Aquadementia](#): > > I can see how ‘boyfriend" and "girlfriend’ sound like it’s for the young but dating is sort of a thing for the young too so if you are doing it you may as well act young. They seem like human terms. Yep. I don’t want a _lady friend_, except as an ironic term. Also, at my age (50), I’ve noticed that women my age have started to prefer being called ‘girls’ again, whereas from ~25 to ~45 they preferred being ‘women.’ (my own experience, YMMV, etc.) I’ve got a _girlfriend_. No apologies. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/28 "2015-10-27T15:42:57Z")
Bring back _leman_. Nice, neutral etymology: “le-” from “dear,” cognate with German _lieb_. Gender-neutral. Doesn’t sound childish or suggest a business relationship. (Edit: can rhyme with _lemon_, which should be more amusing than confusing.) ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/29 "2015-10-27T16:49:38Z")
Whip Bitch Wife-Mistress Gal Pal ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/30 "2015-10-27T16:57:02Z")
“Girlfriend” sounds okay to me. “Partner” would imply to me a same sex relationship. “Significant Other” sounds like you want me to do my taxes. I suppose Girl or Boyfriend does sound a tad immature but it doesn’t grate to my ears and the alternatives are worse. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/31 "2015-10-27T17:04:28Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > It just feels ridiculous to me. I enjoy watching old people in love acting ridiculously. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/32 "2015-10-27T17:27:00Z")
> [@Quimby](#): > > “Girlfriend” sounds okay to me. “Partner” would imply to me a same sex relationship. “Significant Other” sounds like you want me to do my taxes. > I suppose Girl or Boyfriend does sound a tad immature but it doesn’t grate to my ears and the alternatives are worse. I agree. My 99 year old father in law has a 100 year old girlfriend. They are never going to get married, I doubt there is loving in the traditional sense going on, and they don’t share a room. BF/GF works far better than any of the suggestions in this thread so far. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/33 "2015-10-27T17:34:18Z")
Mrs. L.A. would not refer to me as her boyfriend before we were married, and objected if I called her my girlfriend. ‘Too “high school”,’ she said. So we called each other the SO, or Significant Other. Then she found out that if you have a ‘Significant Other’, many people take that as code that you’re gay. I don’t worry about such things. I refuse to believe there are ‘cut-off ages’. Mrs. L.A. thinks I’m childish. But I see no reason to grow up. I have more fun than she does. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/34 "2015-10-27T17:37:48Z")
Gentleman/Lady caller ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/35 "2015-10-27T17:42:10Z")
Take “Significant Other”, shorten it to “SO”, and add a bit of Spanish flair, and run it into one word: Rather than a drawn out “ess ooh”, say “Esso” for a male companion, and “Essa” for a female. It works with any sexual preference. If you’re a gay man or a straight woman, if you have a BF you have an esso. It’s short, simple, rolls off the tongue, and conveys info to strangers about your preferences with a minimal fuss. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/36 "2015-10-27T17:43:15Z")
“This is my it.” or “This is my vagina friend.” ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Stilettos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/fbc32d/32.png) [@Red\_Stilettos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Stilettos)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/37 "2015-10-27T17:50:03Z")
> [@Carryon](#): > > When I hear the term “Partner” it always makes me think the person is gay. Exactly. That’s why I always make sure to use his definitely-male name in the next sentence or two. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/38 "2015-10-27T18:14:58Z")
I still don’t understand why people who are even to the point of referring to each other as “husband” and “wife” don’t just make it official. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/39 "2015-10-27T18:16:06Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I still don’t understand why people who are even to the point of referring to each other as “husband” and “wife” don’t just make it official. It’s complicated. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2015, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/40 "2015-10-27T18:50:02Z")
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