# People over 40 shouldn't have to refer to their SOs as "Boyfriend" or "Girlfriend" dangit! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 27, 2015, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860 "2015-10-27T10:37:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2015, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/61 "2015-10-28T14:56:10Z")
Since so many people have mentioned they consider “partner” as connoting a gay relationship, I’ll put out there that to me, “partner” sounds like you’re at least living together. I’m not living with my girlfriend, but we’re not seeing any other people, and all signs are positive. We’re kind of giddy - we’re at the stage where our behavior can make our friends hurl. Girlfriend/boyfriend captures that better than any other term, to my ear. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2015, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/62 "2015-10-28T15:05:22Z")
> [@bup](#): > > many people have mentioned they consider “partner” as connoting a gay relationship I suppose it depends on how out-and-proud particular gay folks are. People I’ve known have usually been pretty attached to using traditional gendered terms: boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife. ---
**Author:** ![orderfire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orderfire/32/10908_2.png) [@orderfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/orderfire)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2015, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/63 "2015-10-28T16:08:15Z")
I use Man Friend. I just can’t say “boyfriend” about someone who is an adult MAN, it’s too weird. A good friend of mine calls her husband her “Hose Bang”. Say it with a Spanish accent and it sounds quite romantically legit! I rather like Dick Mitten, BTW. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2015, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/64 "2015-10-28T17:49:10Z")
The Anchor ---
**Author:** ![Chicken\_Fingers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Chicken\_Fingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicken_Fingers)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/65 "2015-10-29T06:56:55Z")
We usually refer to each other as “my partner.” Girlfriend/boyfriend doesn’t feel right to us as middle-aged people who live together in a committed relationship, raising our kids. Our teenager more appropriately refers to his girlfriends. Sometimes we refer to each other as husband or wife, among strangers, when shorthand is simpler than possibly having to sort out the meanings of partner. My partner’s name is one used by both men and women, so there have been entertaining times when people assume I have a same-sex partner, and they take on this cheerful, I’m-supportive-of-gays tone. They seem so disappointed when we turn out to be a dreary old man/woman couple. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2015, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/66 "2015-10-30T21:15:23Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > > [@Carryon](#): > > > > When I hear the term “Partner” it always makes me think the person is gay. > > This. Although if you’re a hetero couple it can add a whole level of mystery to your relationship if the outsider also reads “partner” as gay. Which of you is the trans? Maybe they should start saying boypartner or girlpartner. ---
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2015, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/67 "2015-10-31T02:23:22Z")
Partner always sounds to me like we are running an insurance office or something, but we use it. Also “pelvic affiliate” and “snookie-ookums.” We are not married, but since I am a few months younger, I have tried to get named “trophy husband,” with no luck to date. ---
**Author:** ![glowacks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/glowacks/32/5548_2.png) [@glowacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glowacks)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2015, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/68 "2015-11-04T07:04:27Z")
“The guy my mother goes out with”. They’re both in their 60s and widowed, have their own homes, and have presumably no plans at all of ever getting married. It’s the only logical description. ---
**Author:** ![Razncain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9d8465/32.png) [@Razncain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Razncain)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2015, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860/69 "2015-11-05T12:54:20Z")
Yeah, it’s a little awkward, I’m in my fifties now, but I avoid the word “wife” for legal reasons when I have had my gf’s living with me. In TX, we don’t have common law marriage, we have something similar called _informal marriage_, and if you want to get yourself married without actually going down the aisle doing it the official way, just keep referring her to everybody as your wife, among your friends and other acquaintances, and for her to refer to you as her husband. Go ahead, tell everyone your married. Do this for two years while living under the same roof, and whether you wanted to or not, you may have just gotten yourself married. Don’t think so? Break up, and if it turns real ugly, see what happens. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-over-40-shouldnt-have-to-refer-to-their-sos-as-boyfriend-or-girlfriend-dangit/735860.md?page=3)