She may want to learn a thing or two about eggs and baskets.
A few years ago, I had a gig as a computer consultant for a large utility. I was talking to one of the users in her cube one day, and I watched her as she clicked “ignore, ignore, ignore…” every time the utility’s name was flagged as misspelled by the spell checker. I said, “you know, you should just add that to your dictionary” and she got very irate, and started yelling about how she knew what she was doing…
sigh
I’m an onsite computer tech, got a few hours?
This week:
Sound not working: volume was turned all the way down
All my pictures are gone!: Restored shortcut to Picasa
Computer is locked up: New bateries in wireless keyboard.
This thread reminds me of this old joke:
When a pilot comes back from flight, he goes to Debrief, where (with the help of an enlisted person), they write up any problems with the aircraft. These are entered into the aircraft forms. The maintenance people then have to enter what they did to fix the problem. These are the pilot write-ups and the maintenance fixes.
Problem: “Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.”
Solution: “Almost replaced left inside main tire.”
Problem: “Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.”
Solution: “Autoland not installed on this aircraft.”
Problem: “#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.”
Solution: “#2 Propeller seepage normal.”
Problem: “Something loose in cockpit.”
Solution: “Something tightened in cockpit.”
Problem: “DME volume unbelievably loud.”
Solution: “Volume set to more believable level.”
Problem: “Dead bugs on windshield.”
Solution: “Live bugs on order.”
Problem: “IFF inoperative.”
Solution: “IFF inoperative in OFF mode.”
Problem: “Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.”
Solution: “That’s what they’re there for.”
Problem: “Number three engine missing.”
Solution: “Engine found on right wing after brief search.”
Could you help me, please?
My cupholder won’t come out and I’m getting really thirsty.
flees
If her company is like my company, each day when she logs off and logs back on her custom dictionary is cleared. :mad:
What would be the purpose of such a policy?
Due to idiots making changes to the system, from now on no changes will be allowed.
I just recently learned that my mother always saves her documents to the program directories of whatever program she’s working in. She understands the idea of folders and drives and such, but somehow she got the idea that if the file was saved elsewhere the computer wouldn’t know what program to use to open it. I have no idea how she rectified that with files on shared network drives. She believed this so strongly that she now has her whole department doing it! I’m sure the IT folks love her.
My mom used to send me an email then call me immediately to see if it “went through or not?” Sometimes, if there were large files attached, she might actually call me before the email showed up in my inbox, and then she’d get mad at the stupid computer and ISP and whatever else she thought caused the problem.
She has learned, though - now she only calls a few hours later or sends a text to tell me that she sent me an email. Sometimes she calls a few hours after the text too, just to be sure.
Think you left something off from this one. After that exchange, it’s usually followed by, “Problem: Propellers #1, 3, and 4 lack normal seepage.”
I on occassion teach a simple software program to groups of about 30 people at a time at our company. The groups consist of scientists, engineers, technicians, and production supervisors.
The first part of the class is simple:
“Log in to the program. Your user name is your employee ID. Your password is also your employee ID. After you enter these you will be prompted to enter a new password. Let me know when you are logged in.”
I kid you not I can not get through this part of the class in less than 15 minutes. And this is a high tech fortune 500 manufacturing facility.
In contrast I went to my son’s school a few months ago to help out. I assisted a 3rd grad math teacher taking her class to the computer lab for the first time. She wanted to see how fast they could get logged in and up and running. Not a single kid needed help and we were up in less than 2 minutes.
I love this joke.
If I remember right there was one that went something like:
Problem: “Engine 2 sounds like there is a midget inside pounding with a hammer.”
Solution: “Took hammer away from midget.”
Same with my father. He’s very smart, but once he gets an idea stuck in his head, it’s pretty hard to get it unstuck.
He once bought a copy of Windows from some guy at a Hamfest in Dayton. That alone made me a little suspicious, but the guy also gave him a startup floppy that would facilitate the installation of Windows. It was important to use, because Windows would absolute not install without it.
And yet the install was failing anyway.
I asked my father what, exactly, was on that disk, and my father couldn’t answer. But he knew darn well that he needed it. Why would the guy in Dayton lie?
Mind you, this was a series of calls that were made over maybe a 2 or 3 month period. Dad went without a computer for all that time. And he tried reinstalling every single day.
Finally one day I’d had enough. “OK, dad, stop. I want to try something with that disk. Pop it out of the machine. Now look at it. Is the protection tab in the engaged position? Is the disk casing black or some other color? White? Good. Now get out a blank label and stick it on there. Write ‘Windows Install Disk 3.9.’ Got that? Good. Draw a little picture of a lightning bolt next to what you wrote. Use a red pen. Yes, it’s important. You don’t? Ask mom if she has a red pen. Got one? OK. Now hold the disk in your right hand. No, not your left. It has to be in your right hand. Got it? Not hold your right hand over a wastepaper basket. Got it there? Now… release. OK, now let’s install Windows.”
It worked.
How? 
Problem: radio hums
Solution: taught radio the words.
Did you try the ‘tab’ key?
That only works if you’re on a diet.
This has been a standard joke-list since the days of Daedalus and Icarus. According to one version, these were from the maintenance logs at Qantas Airlines.
I once worked at a large banking company, where hundreds of users across the system insisted that floppys had to be labeled with purple marker pens. Absolutely had to! Any other color was dangerous.
The explanation?
Many years before, the bank had installed new technology: instead of shipping all the checks to be processed in to the regional processing centers by courier each evening, they installed a system at each bank that would allow them to enter the check data onto an 8-inch floppy disk, which was also sent with the courier. This saved a lot of time; the regional center just had to read the data from the floppy, rather than entering it.
But there were often problems reading the floppys, which were traced to users labeling them with hard ball-point pens. (That damaged the disk surface – those floppys were really floppy!) So bank headquarters sent each bank a supply of soft felt-tip markers, in a rather unique purple color, and did extensive training that the floppys must be marked only with these special purple markers. It worked; the read errors on those floppys went way down.
But some 30 years later, all across the system, there are employees that are convinced that computer disks must be marked in only purple ink. Even when most of the original employees that learned this have retired, they passed it on to their younger replacements. Just earlier this month, I was in a local bank branch, and overheard an employee complaining that someone had marked their individual USB flash drives with their names in black ink, and that it should have been purple! About 5 generations of computer storage later, but that ‘knowledge’ persists.