# People These Days **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 26, 2014, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220 "2014-12-26T16:58:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2014, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/21 "2014-12-27T04:08:51Z")
> [@get\_lives](#): > > I would agree that the OP overreacted…except for one thing. Why does her 8-year-old brother have to absorb his sister’s disrespect toward him? No doubt he felt humiliated…and publicly humiliating him deserves a public humiliation in return. An eye for an eye? That’s soooooooo Old Testament! ---
**Author:** ![get\_lives](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@get\_lives](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/get_lives)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2014, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/22 "2014-12-27T04:24:03Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > An eye for an eye? That’s soooooooo Old Testament! LOL I’m not saying it’s a given, just that it could be appropriate, depending on the child and the severity of the infraction. Physically assaulting the brother to get him out of the seat would provoke an angry reaction from me, for instance. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2014, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/23 "2014-12-27T04:27:20Z")
People! Fuck em! ---
**Author:** ![get\_lives](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@get\_lives](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/get_lives)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2014, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/24 "2014-12-27T04:28:58Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > “Daughter, I’m sure your brother would gladly switch seats with you if you ask nicely.” > > Then when the guests have left, you chew her out. let’s say this didn’t work the first 30 times. Then what? But I agree, this is a better reaction to a first offense, for instance. I do avoid humiliating my children in public (via punishment…I embarrass them freely via my own behavior), but I can see a really bad infraction causing the need for a public reprimand. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2014, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/25 "2014-12-27T04:34:35Z")
> [@get\_lives](#): > > let’s say this didn’t work the first 30 times. Then what? But I agree, this is a better reaction to a first offense, for instance. > > I do avoid humiliating my children in public (via punishment…I embarrass them freely via my own behavior), but I can see a really bad infraction causing the need for a public reprimand. My kids are young, so I don’t know for sure–but this might be an occasion for the, “Honey, can I speak with you in the kitchen, please?” tactic. Praise in public, criticize in private is one of the better pieces of disciplinary advice I’ve ever received, and it’s in my arsenal for when my girls are teenagers. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/26 "2014-12-28T14:11:38Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > People! Fuck em! That’s how we ended up with so many in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/27 "2014-12-28T14:18:51Z")
> [@get\_lives](#): > > let’s say this didn’t work the first 30 times. Then what? But I agree, this is a better reaction to a first offense, for instance. > > I do avoid humiliating my children in public (via punishment…I embarrass them freely via my own behavior), but I can see a really bad infraction causing the need for a public reprimand. It’s also not just about avoiding embarrassing the daughter, but not embarrassing your guests. It’s extremely awkward to see other people’s kids get yelled and punished in public, just as you’re sitting down to dinner. Some good manners towards your guests goes along way too. > [@hajario](#): > > How about close to 15 years of hundreds of some of the most idiotic and thoughtless threads started in GQ and virtually never coming back to thank the people who took the time to answer you? You’re a fine person to complain about the manners of people today. Dinner at the **Jinx** ’s must be one of the most annoying things imaginable. What’s the over/under he’ll come back to this one? ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/28 "2014-12-28T15:32:39Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > What’s the over/under he’ll come back to this one? I think it’s more likely that he’ll [tell the same story 2 years from now in a new thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17963371&postcount=12). ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/29 "2014-12-28T16:10:44Z")
[Get off the shed!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6Z9kS-S2Eo&noredirect=1) That’s what I was thinking of. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/30 "2014-12-28T16:15:01Z")
> [@Aquadementia](#): > > [Get off the shed!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6Z9kS-S2Eo&noredirect=1) > That’s what I was thinking of. A typical summer BBQ at the Jinx’s! ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/31 "2014-12-28T16:23:04Z")
Those kids should not have been horsing around on the shed. They are going to break through the roof and and impale themselves on the pruning shears and won’t that make for a Merry Christmas. ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/32 "2014-12-28T17:57:15Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > You should save any disciplining you have for your kids until AFTER the guests are gone. And I agree that teenagers missing a call to dinner isn’t worth such a dust-up. Go get them and turn off the TV/video game/whatever if you have to. This. And I have to admit the punishment seems a little odd. If I’m understanding it right, all the rest of you sat at the table to have dinner while your daughter had to eat elsewhere? As a guest, I would be pretty uncomfortable with that. It doesn’t seem good manners to discipline someone in front of outsiders - I’d give an exception if it was one of them who’d been wronged, but even then I’d limit what they got to see to an apology. I’m also confused as to why you considered your daughter ignorant when you point out a couple of times that she knows what to expect from you. What is it that their daughter has done that reveals her lack of manners, btw? She would seem to have met your standards better, if anything, in this situation, so I assume she hasn’t done at other times? Edit: I notice going back that you say the punishment “included” not getting to eat with all of you. What was the rest of it? ---
**Author:** ![splatterpunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3be4f8/32.png) [@splatterpunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/splatterpunk)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2014, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/33 "2014-12-28T19:42:07Z")
He punched her in the face. ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2014, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/34 "2014-12-29T12:28:09Z")
The Jinx family is apparently so weird that I’m not really replying to them. But for the rest of us reading the thread: there’s one thing that jumped out to me, and nobody mentioned it yet. The OP apparently called his daughter AND her friend to eat, and then made the daughter eat somewhere else. So the friend is now sitting at the table with two angry adults and an 8 year old boy…and not with her friend, who is the only person in the house who she likes. That’s got to be an awkward situation. She’s essentially being punished, too. But the OP thinks that punishing somebody else’s teenager is okay. And he’s surprised that the teenager’s parents think otherwise? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2014, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/35 "2014-12-29T12:31:41Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > The Jinx family is apparently so weird that I’m not really replying to them. > But for the rest of us reading the thread: there’s one thing that jumped out to me, and nobody mentioned it yet. The OP apparently called his daughter AND her friend to eat, and then made the daughter eat somewhere else. So the friend is now sitting at the table with two angry adults and an 8 year old boy…and not with her friend, who is the only person in the house who she likes. That’s got to be an awkward situation. She’s essentially being punished, too. > > But the OP thinks that punishing somebody else’s teenager is okay. And he’s surprised that the teenager’s parents think otherwise? Well, her parents were at the table, too, so it’s not like she was totally alone. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2014, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/36 "2014-12-29T13:44:19Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > Im not sure why you didn’t just go to where the girls were watching the video and tell them it was time to come to the table. Sometimes it takes a second “call” to get teenagers attention. > > Making a scene over a relatively innocent transgression probably made your friends very uncomfortable and perhaps they got the vibe that you were making a point to show strict discipline in front of them as some sort of “lesson” in child rearing for their benefit. Im getting that vibe, and I wasn’t even there. ``` I took it the same way, hard to miss. ``` ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2014, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/37 "2014-12-29T17:51:24Z")
We have pretty much stopped visiting old friends who’s parenting style seemed ‘off’ to us, kind of like the OP. Every visit had one of these little scenes. We couldn’t decide if it was staged to show us what great, strict parents they were or if it was meant to shame our kids in some way. Who cares? We just stopped accepting their invitations. Knowing for certain there would be uncomfortable drama at some point made that decision easy. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2014, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/38 "2014-12-29T19:54:09Z")
The OP might apologize and have any further meetings adult only. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2014, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/39 "2014-12-29T20:09:20Z")
how dare you embarrass your daughter in front of her friend. You’re the worst parents in the world, _ever._ /s ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2014, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220/40 "2014-12-29T20:25:14Z")
In addition to the whole disciplining kids in private vs public thing, some people don’t like to be held captive to other people’s emotional performances. If the OP is routinely getting upset enough to yell, perhaps his/her friends have had their fill. “Uncomfortable” is exactly how I feel whenever someone in my company is fired up over a trifle matter and I can’t even pretend to relate their reaction. This might be your wake up call, OP. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-these-days/708220.md?page=3)