# People versus animals (ALL animals) - what would happen? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 25, 2008, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-versus-animals-all-animals-what-would-happen/457775 "2008-07-25T20:43:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-versus-animals-all-animals-what-would-happen/457775/41 "2008-07-29T21:22:09Z")
[QUOTE=Duckster] Are you thinking just for food consumption, or all plants? [/QUOTE] The important stuff, plus lots of flowers and decorative plants. I’m not saying we wouldn’t suffer a loss of plant bio-diversity, but we could keep ourselves feed. Lots of plants self-pollinate or wind pollinate anyway. We’re not going to lose anything perennial very soon. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-versus-animals-all-animals-what-would-happen/457775/42 "2008-07-29T22:25:44Z")
[QUOTE=Argent Towers] I’m talking about intelligence and _tactics._ Cows blocking off roadways with their bodies in order to divert troops to an area where billions of mosquitoes are waiting to swarm them. [/QUOTE] Cow’s brains can barely sustain the concept of chew and walk. They get confused by alternating dark and light lines painted on roadways. They are incapable of this type of thinking without also assuming major changes to their brains. I know this is a hypothetical but I’m not sure how to evaluate this. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2008, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-versus-animals-all-animals-what-would-happen/457775/43 "2008-07-29T22:55:16Z")
[QUOTE=Telemark] Cow’s brains can barely sustain the concept of chew and walk. They get confused by alternating dark and light lines painted on roadways. They are incapable of this type of thinking without also assuming major changes to their brains. [/QUOTE] I think this is where the “Disembodied General” comes into play. The “Disembodied General” would likely pass commands to animals that could understand something like this (such as dogs to herd the cows to the road). This of course ruins the “humans are doomed!” line of thought that I think **Argent Towers** wants to hear. And while I’m sure the ants could swarm us all with a coordinated attack, such an attack would have to march through a circle of lighter fluid and then contend with my Hoe of Doom. The ants wouldn’t stand a chance. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2008, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-versus-animals-all-animals-what-would-happen/457775/44 "2008-07-30T00:12:31Z")
[QUOTE=Justin\_Bailey] And while I’m sure the ants could swarm us all with a coordinated attack, such an attack would have to march through a circle of lighter fluid and then contend with my Hoe of Doom. The ants wouldn’t stand a chance. [/QUOTE] Dude, did you not see the link I posted? Killer ants are enough to give Charlton Heston a run for his money. You think you could fight off Charlton Heston with a lighter and a hoe? Obviously I’m talking pre-_Colbys_-era Charlton Heston, not recently-dead-era Charlton Heston, smart guy. Although come to think of it, what _about_ recently-dead Charlton Heston? You think you could take out an undead Heston? Your hoe will avail you naught against him. Everyone knows the _absolute minimum_ garden tool defense against a corporeal revenant is the classic pitchfork/rake combination. Nobody ever takes a hoe to a zombie hunt. You are so out of your league here, man. Yes, he will have an instinctive fear of fire, so your ever-reliable Zippo may lend you a slender reed of hope. However, bear in mind also that the instinctive craving for firearms is still graven deep in his mummified cortex and cold, dead fingers. His paranormally enhanced senses would almost surely have allowed him to seek out the nearest pawn shop or survivalist compound, so he’ll already be packing heat by the time you encounter him. Meanwhile, you’ve got a lighter and a hoe. He’s coming at you; he’s drawing a bead. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?! Apologies if this constitutes a hijack of the basic premise. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2008, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-versus-animals-all-animals-what-would-happen/457775/45 "2008-07-30T01:45:56Z")
[QUOTE=Argent Towers] But could you hold them off with flocks of birds swarming towards you, not to mention mosquitoes, flies, bees, wasps, and all kinds of other insects? [/QUOTE] Dude! Welcome to My World! I live on a coyote-infested scab land where the wind constantly howls. The only thing worse? When the wind doesn’t howl. Then the bugs absolutely _plague_ you. I really should move. ---
**Author:** ![T.Slothrop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3e96dc/32.png) [@T.Slothrop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T.Slothrop)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2008, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-versus-animals-all-animals-what-would-happen/457775/46 "2008-07-30T08:15:36Z")
Wow, now I think I wanna move somewhere that Charlton Heston doesn’t unlive. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2008, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-versus-animals-all-animals-what-would-happen/457775/47 "2008-07-30T10:52:33Z")
I’m picturing a mass exodus to the North to try to get away from the bugs. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2008, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-versus-animals-all-animals-what-would-happen/457775/48 "2008-07-30T11:08:12Z")
[QUOTE=Argent Towers] I’m picturing a mass exodus to the North to try to get away from the bugs. [/QUOTE] Out of the insect frying pan and into the polar bear fire. Those bears are looking for serious payback, with their environment melting away and all. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2008, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-versus-animals-all-animals-what-would-happen/457775/49 "2008-07-30T14:07:37Z")
[QUOTE=Justin\_Bailey] And while I’m sure the ants could swarm us all with a coordinated attack, such an attack would have to march through a circle of lighter fluid and then contend with my Hoe of Doom. The ants wouldn’t stand a chance. [/QUOTE] Nah, you’re still toast. Lighter fluid? Please. The ants will throw themselves at it wave after wave until the damn thing is snuffed out beneath their dead bodies. A single colony of army ants has about one million workers, and they can work together to bring down goats and pigs; remember that for each human, there are about 30 such colonies. Without question, there will be more ants coming than you have lighter fluid. How long can you keep it burning with one bottle, 30 minutes, maybe less if they break through? You’re better off with a water-filled moat, but even then, they’ll eventually fill it with their dead and have a bridge across. Hoe of Doom? Sure, every swat will kill a fistful, but every time that hoe touches the ground, more and more ants will climb up on it and make their way to your tender flesh. And once they get to you, you’ll be too busy swatting at the biters to fend off the rest of the swarm. ---
**Author:** ![Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/half_man_half_wit/32/21766_2.png) [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Half_Man_Half_Wit)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2008, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-versus-animals-all-animals-what-would-happen/457775/50 "2008-07-30T15:35:43Z")
Frank Schätzing’s novel [The Swarm](http://www.amazon.com/Swarm-Novel-Frank-Schatzing/dp/B000O17D00/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1217431646&sr=8-1) deals with a scenario where all of the ocean-bound creatures suddenly start attacking mankind, and even that’s got some serious repercussions – think water supplies tainted by, I don’t know, slime eels or some poisonous jellyfish, all kinds of pipes that lead into the ocean clogged by mussels – we’re pretty dependent on the ocean’s resources still. (Not a bad book, by the way, though it does get a bit wonky in the end.) If the land animals chimed in, and the airborne critters as well, I don’t hold out much hope for humanity; they could starve us first (by simply staying the hell away), and pick us off later. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2008, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-versus-animals-all-animals-what-would-happen/457775/51 "2008-07-30T19:25:10Z")
[QUOTE=Terrifel] Dude, did you not see the link I posted? Killer ants are enough to give Charlton Heston a run for his money. You think you could fight off Charlton Heston with a lighter and a hoe? Obviously I’m talking pre-_Colbys_-era Charlton Heston, not recently-dead-era Charlton Heston, smart guy. Although come to think of it, what _about_ recently-dead Charlton Heston? You think you could take out an undead Heston? Your hoe will avail you naught against him. Everyone knows the _absolute minimum_ garden tool defense against a corporeal revenant is the classic pitchfork/rake combination. Nobody ever takes a hoe to a zombie hunt. You are so out of your league here, man. Yes, he will have an instinctive fear of fire, so your ever-reliable Zippo may lend you a slender reed of hope. However, bear in mind also that the instinctive craving for firearms is still graven deep in his mummified cortex and cold, dead fingers. His paranormally enhanced senses would almost surely have allowed him to seek out the nearest pawn shop or survivalist compound, so he’ll already be packing heat by the time you encounter him. Meanwhile, you’ve got a lighter and a hoe. He’s coming at you; he’s drawing a bead. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?! [/QUOTE] I got to say this again…FLAMETHROWER. Kids are even making these things…[go check it out.](http://www.google.com/hws/search?q=home+made+flamethrower&btnG=Google+Search&hl=en&client=dell-usuk&channel=us-smb) They’ve used regular unleaded gas, alcohol, even windshield wiper fluid. Really, you guys just don’t give us humans enough credit to destroy our own world, let alone the animals on it. If we want or need IT dead, we always find a way to kill it…even if it’s an undead Heston. ---
**Author:** ![CoBa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f6c823/32.png) [@CoBa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoBa)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2008, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-versus-animals-all-animals-what-would-happen/457775/52 "2008-07-31T04:59:23Z")
[Deathworld](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deathworld) was essentially based on that premise. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-versus-animals-all-animals-what-would-happen/457775.md?page=2)