# People, we NEED to standardise our collective wiping technique.  (poss. TMI) :)

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-we-need-to-standardise-our-collective-wiping-technique-poss-tmi/216982>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [December 4, 2003, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-we-need-to-standardise-our-collective-wiping-technique-poss-tmi/216982 "2003-12-04T18:07:18Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 4\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-we-need-to-standardise-our-collective-wiping-technique-poss-tmi/216982/41 "2003-12-06T12:10:51Z")

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Dude, nobody’s expecting you to eat off your anus.

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**Author:** ![UselessGit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/74df32/32.png) [@UselessGit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UselessGit)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2003, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-we-need-to-standardise-our-collective-wiping-technique-poss-tmi/216982/42 "2003-12-06T13:01:55Z")

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Cervaise, speak for yourself…

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**Author:** ![Chairman\_Pow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Chairman\_Pow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chairman_Pow)\
**Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-we-need-to-standardise-our-collective-wiping-technique-poss-tmi/216982/43 "2003-12-07T06:51:28Z")

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I’m glad I found this thread. I was hoping to get this answered and trying to contemplate the ramifications of starting a brand spankin’ new one:

Now that we’ve determined the most effective wiping method, what’s the most efficient sitting position? The standard sit? The crouch? The squat (for our nimble brethren)? Leaning forward or straight up? Over to one side?

This is no laughing matter, as one who doesn’t have much time to waste, I gotta know.

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**Author:** ![phraser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a88e4f/32.png) [@phraser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phraser)\
**Post date:** [December 7, 2003, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-we-need-to-standardise-our-collective-wiping-technique-poss-tmi/216982/44 "2003-12-07T09:28:44Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> **Cervaise wrote:**  
> I live in terror of there not being enough paper so my finger rips through it and goes up my shitty butthole.

Mate, you wouldn’t last a day in my job. I spend a lot of time with my arm up the asshole of a cow.

All you have to do is take a shower afterwards. Or in the case of the discussion we are having here, _wash your hands_.

Seriously.

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