# People who divorce after decades together:why? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 23, 2014, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499 "2014-01-23T03:56:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![installLSC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/54ee81/32.png) [@installLSC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/installLSC)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/1 "2014-01-23T03:56:29Z")
The news that the Captain and Tenille are divorcing after 39 years of marriage got me thinking about people who divorce after lengthy marriages. Most divorces happen after a few years. After learning to live with each other’s faults and flaws, why do long term marriages (say 20+ years) split up? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/2 "2014-01-23T03:57:39Z")
Maybe they’re waiting until the children are dead. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/3 "2014-01-23T04:04:39Z")
There’s someone else. The Captain said the rug was pulled out from under him, he had no idea why she left him…regardless of what problems their marriage may or may not have had, I’m guessing she’s already got a new guy. And don’t forget even after 20+ years, two people can still get sick of each other. Or rather, they’ve been sick of each other for a long time and one of them finally decides he/she deserves something better and moves on. ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/4 "2014-01-23T04:21:54Z")
You get old, and as people around you start dying you wonder if this is how you want to spend the rest of your time. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/5 "2014-01-23T04:22:48Z")
My friend’s parents got divorced after some 30 years together. They enjoyed their lives together having kids, running some businesses and being successful. But the kids grew up (no grandkids), businesses collapsed, the husband’s drinking and drug problems ramped up. I don’t know if he always suffered from mental problems or just later in his life, but those flared up big time. Seems like she had the attitude of “I put up with this shit when we had little kids and were doing well, why do I need to put up with it now?” She let him live in the house for a long time before they sold it, after the divorce. She finally moved on, everyone moved out…he killed himself within 3 years. It all sucks from my friend’s perspective, and it pains me that his dad killed himself. But while he’s squicked out with his mom “whooping it up” with another dude, I say good for her. Kinda like she got a payout (she’s been seeing this other dude since before his dad died - I’m not saying she got a payout from him dying!) Anyway…people change. ---
**Author:** ![FAL01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/59ef9b/32.png) [@FAL01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FAL01)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/6 "2014-01-23T04:55:38Z")
I just read an article two days ago that said that there is an increase in the number of divorces in long-term marriages. The theory that the article advocated (I can’t remember if this was based on a survey or simply a creative journalist) was that couples tended to wait until after their children had graduated high school. My parents got divorced after about 20 years. For them it was not waiting until my sister and I had graduated high school but more that it just took them 20 years for their relationship to run its course. It was a very amicable divorce and they are still great friends that see each other at least once a week. I think they came to the realisation that whilst the relationship worked (they got along, they enjoyed similar pursuits etc) there just was no spark. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/7 "2014-01-23T05:10:57Z")
Sometimes when people get older, quirks that were possibly charming, or at least tolerable, intensify into behavior that eventually you can’t stand any more. Sex becomes less frequent and less interesting (or disappears altogether). Eventually one or the other or both start thinking to themselves “I’ve got 20 (or 15 or 10) good years left, I can do better than this, even if I end up by myself!” If the couple is not the kind that is able to talk through issues like this, then chances are good that they will split. Roddy ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/8 "2014-01-23T05:53:41Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > The Captain said the rug was pulled out from under him, he had no idea why she left him…regardless of what problems their marriage may or may not have had, I’m guessing she’s already got a new guy. Or perhaps … > [@](#): > > Daryl tells TMZ … “I don’t know why she filed. I gotta figure it out for myself first.” He also said they’re still living together in the same house. > > According to the divorce docs, obtained by TMZ, there’s special mention about health insurance coverage, and that seems relevant, because in 2009 Toni blogged that Daryl had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s. In 2011 Toni updated the message, saying Daryl’s tremors were so bad he was embarrassed to go out in public … to restaurants, the movies, etc. > > Here’s what’s unclear – whether it’s possible Toni really filed for health insurance reasons … whether his coverage might be better if they were divorced. [Captain & Tennille Divorce -- Love WON'T Keep Us Together](http://www.tmz.com/2014/01/22/captain-and-tennille-divorce/) ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/9 "2014-01-23T06:03:17Z")
> [@installLSC](#): > > The news that the Captain and Tenille are divorcing after 39 years of marriage got me thinking about people who divorce after lengthy marriages. Most divorces happen after a few years. After learning to live with each other’s faults and flaws, why do long term marriages (say 20+ years) split up? I think the real truth is, there are many people who get married for the wrong reasons to begin with. Then they spend years trying to figure it all out and finally give up. I have a nephew (bother’s wife’s son from a previous relationship) who divorced his wife after just a few years of marriage and his reason was that she didn’t put enough effort into the marriage. His big example was, he wanted to invite a friend over for dinner and she offers to cook a chicken dish. The problem is she doesn’t know how to cook and made a total mess out of the meal. I’m serious, she couldn’t cook, that was his reason. The other is that he discovered she had credit card debt he didn’t know about until they got married. He told me he got married because they had friends they met around the same time who got married and were asked if they would get married too and because he couldn’t think of a reason to say “no” or “not yet” or something else, he got married. He and his ex-wife invited in a door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman and allowed him to give a demonstration and when he was finished the guy wants to close the sale. Even though they didn’t need it and couldn’t afford it, neither of them would speak-up and say no to the sale. So even after his divorce he was making payments to this $600 vacuum cleaner they didn’t need. Months after he was divorced he tells the family he met a girl online and she is coming to visit him in-person and this is just after a month of being online together and talking on the phone. A month after that he announced they are getting married. He never wanted children and hates cats. Cut to a few years later, they have a cat and a new baby now. I don’t know what the freaking hurry was to get married they barely knew each other since they only spend time together after a few visits. Will this marriage last? I don’t know, but I won’t be surprised if they get divorced or there are problems. I hope for the best for them. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/10 "2014-01-23T06:15:50Z")
They’re rich aren’t they–they wouldn’t be concerned about health insurance. She probably wants to go out and live–not be stuck in the house with a sick person. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/11 "2014-01-23T06:17:20Z")
Awe, what a sweet caring wife. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/12 "2014-01-23T06:26:54Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > They’re rich aren’t they–they wouldn’t be concerned about health insurance. She probably wants to go out and live–not be stuck in the house with a sick person. And at age 71, he would be covered under Medicare. Only they know what really happened, and as for the post about the children being dead, they didn’t have any. Maybe that “Muskrat Love” song had something to do with it? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![RichieBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b5e925/32.png) [@RichieBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RichieBoy)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/13 "2014-01-23T16:48:05Z")
I was just reading something about this topic a few months ago. It seems that today there are even people as old as 65 or better divorcing than ever before. Some of these people have been married almost 40 years. Why? Because according to todays longevity people are living much longer. At one time an unhappy couple at 65 or older didn’t even think of divorce because they be Dead in 6 or 7 years so they elected to stick it out. Now people who retire at 62 or 65 know that life expectancy is much longer than years ago so they feel they can break the chains that bind them and end up enjoying somebody else for maybe 15 years or even longer! ---
**Author:** ![jrsone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f0a364/32.png) [@jrsone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jrsone)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/14 "2014-01-23T17:53:01Z")
People change. My parents were married for 30 years and got divorced last year. My sister and brother and law were married for nearly 20 years and got divorced. Aunt and Uncle, same situation. People’s needs and desires change and problems arise and emotions get out of control. I don’t see it as any crazier as people who get divorced after a year of marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/15 "2014-01-23T18:06:36Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > And at age 71, he would be covered under Medicare. There’s really not much in the way of long-term care benefits under Medicare. If he needs long-term care for his Parkinson’s, his Medicare benefits will run out long before he dies. But, if he’s destitute, the Medicare kicks back in. So maybe the divorce is a way to put a lot of assets under her name so Daryl Dragon (with that name, why isn’t he a heavy metal rocker?) is destitute on paper, so he gets more Medicare benefits. If that’s the case, don’t expect either one to admit that in public. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/16 "2014-01-23T18:13:01Z")
I think you mean Medicaid (in the second two instances). Re the OP, you can also add Al Gore to that list. ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/17 "2014-01-23T18:20:51Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > I think you mean Medicaid (in the second two instances). Indeed I do. Thanks for the correction. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/18 "2014-01-23T18:29:23Z")
to paraphrase Dr Phil ‘the only thing worse than being a a bad marriage for 39 years is to be in a bad marriage for 39 years and a day’. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/19 "2014-01-23T19:48:54Z")
At the risk of sounding insulting to the OP - how old are you? I ask this because one could read the OP as assuming that once you get to a certain age you are “done” and why bother divorcing? It is easier for young people to make this mistaken assumption, because being aged is alien territory to them. Whereas the truth is that older people still have dreams and aspirations, etc. As an example, my uncle was widowed at 88, at 92 he met a lady and moved to Texas to be with her. So, as to why a person would divorce after x years of marriage - put yourself in their shoes - do you say, “I’ve had enough of this and I have things I want to do!” - or do you say, “Oh well, I’m getting older so I might as well stick it out until I die.” I think you know the answer… ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2014, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499/20 "2014-01-23T20:25:10Z")
Increase longevity enough and I wouldn’t be surprised to see marriage contracts come into play, where you sign a contract for X period of time with the post-marriage disposition of assets already decided, and at the end of the term, either party can can choose to “re-up or pre-nup.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-divorce-after-decades-together-why/679499.md?page=2)