What’s really scary is that, for me anyway, I’ve always known exactly what I was doing. So you’d think that knowing would somehow lead to some sort of self control. And it does now - even if I go on a binge, it’s more “managed” than it used to be. But when I was younger, I just didn’t care. What made me care was high cholesterol - when my (then bad) health was quantified for me in black and white, it scared me into doing something. And I don’t mean numbers on a scale - yeah, carrying a lot of extra weight isn’t good. But the way my brain works, that extra weight isn’t as guaranteed to kill me as quickly as high cholesterol will.
I think, though I’m no expert, that it’s not really the food that’s the problem here. You can learn what “proper” amounts of food are - and it sounds like you’re well on the way to that, with your new eating plan. (For which, many congratulations!) I think your problem is a lack of “good” coping skills, and that’s one I share - it’s fairly common, I gather. But to manage to successfully sort yourself out, you’re right that you need something healthy to replace the eating with.
I think it was GilaB who raised the point that negative emotions are ok. Everyone feels them, they are normal, not a sign of failure on your part - and things like crying in response to bad news is perfectly acceptable. That’s something it took me a long time to really get my head around, and I still struggle with working out what are “appropriate” levels of emotion. But luckily this isn’t about me 
Googling for “healthy coping skills” will bring up many of the suggestions in this thread, as well as others that may work for you - exercise seems to be popular. I think if you can find a therapist who will work with you on learning to process negative emotions in a healthy way, that would be beneficial - I’d be a bit wary of replacing “over-eating” with “exercise” in a straight swap, since that too has the potential to be another displacement activity, rather than helping you to actually deal with the problem. (I don’t know, I might be talking crap here - if so, do ignore me…)
ETA: a practical suggestion… Like when you were quitting smoking (something I’ve done again recently), the hand-mouth-boredom thing will prob be an issue; I’d drink water instead. I find that my emotions are much more out of whack when I’m dehydrated, and if you’re eating less, you might be more dehydrated anyway. So that might be worth trying…
Any suggestions that are less time consuming?
I think one reason that “take a long walk” fails as a replacement for me is that taking a long walk isn’t always possible. If I’m at work, I can get up get food and get back to work in under two minutes, and then multi-task between doing my work and eating. I can’t leave work to take a long walk, or meditate, or shoot rifles. Though that last option would make work less stressful.
Maybe some sort of brief meditation technique? I used to do a little exercise if I was nervous before a big presentation. I’d tighten up a muscle as tight as I could, and relax it. Starting with arms, legs, go through the entire body. It only took a minute and I was generally more relaxed afterward.
As far as not overeating in general, other tips:
- Don’t take any food to work (except lunch and a healthy snack), don’t take any money - no hitting the snack machine!
- Brush your teeth - I personally can’t stand to eat with a minty mouth, you could be back at your desk in 2 minutes
- Get a mug of hot tea. I used to eat a lot in the afternoon because I was bored, sometimes, just the hand moving to the mouth satisfies the craving
- Make some sort of rule that you have to wait at least 10 minutes, if you still want it in 10 minutes, then go get something (I’ve found that not telling myself NO, but just “later” works better, after 10 minutes I’m usually doing something else and the urge is lessened).
- Journaling, buy a super pretty little book and take 1 minute to write what you’re feeling
- Make sure you have plenty of time in your private life to FEEL, cry if you need to cry, experience your feelings and don’t try to hide them with food
- Ultimately, remind yourself that flappy thing at the end of your arm is YOUR hand and it is the only thing that puts food in your mouth. I have used all these techniques at one time or another, but sometimes just confirming that I am in charge and “no cookie is the boss of me!” can feel empowering
- And…forgive yourself if it happens. I used to beat myself up a lot, now I try to learn from what happened, forgive myself and move on
I wonder about this. I sometimes think I just don’t feel emotion very intensely, or maybe not as intensely as some people. I can’t imagine being so upset about a bad day at work, that I need to cope with the emotion of it. It was a bad day. Tomorrow’s another day. If there are too many bad days, something has to change and its probably my job. Sometimes I think I have a more “traditionally masculine” outlook of externalizing bad things (that’s just the way the world is/my boss is an asshole) versus a more “traditionally feminine” internalizing outlook (why is life unfair to me/there must be something wrong with me for my boss to treat me that way). I don’t know about that. It;s just a theory. It’s true I don’t relate well to other women sometimes, though I have gotten better at faking it.
I definitely can’t say “I eat when I’m hungry” though and that’s it. I tend to be a bored or fretful eater. Plus I love to cook, and socializing over food. For the bored eater thing, I appeal to my natural laziness. I don’t keep food conveniently nearby at my desk, except things I should be eating, like a big pile of snap peas or something. This way, if I want something unhealthy to “munch” I will have to actually get up and get it, and most often I’m too lazy for that and just eat what I have. If I had M&Ms on my desk I promise I would eat them all and never even notice it.
However as for being hungry, I don’t think it’s good to get too hungry, as when you are really hungry you tend to make impulsive choices (or at least, I do). So I have plenty of snacks, things I like, like chunks of yummy cheese, or veggies I especially like, or some almonds. (that’s important, to have good choices you actually enjoy) I try not to snack on fruit; I don’t find it filling on its own, although I do eat fruit as part of my meals.
I just wanted to drop back in and again thank everyone who offered some creative ideas and constructive feedback. I’m on day 3 of the new meal plan and holy hell was my head hurting yesterday afternoon.
Who knew lack of sugar and grease would have such an effect?!
I especially want to thank Glory, who has long been one of my favorite inspirations for weight loss. If she gives you a recommendation, it probably works. She’s amazing. 
So far for “stuff to do instead of eat”, Ive been:
[ul]
[li]Reading[/li][li]Playing guitar[/li][li]Bringing a healthy snack to work and leaving snack machine change at home[/li][li]Drinking a nice hot cup of tea every once in awhile[/li][li]Drinking water like it’s going out of style[/li][li]Watching birds[/li][li]Cleaning my house (thank goodness)[/li][li]Petting the cats[/li][li]Making phone calls[/li][li]Playing racquetball (only once so far, being headachey made it no fun)[/li][li]Taking leisurely strolls through stores without buying stuff we don’t need[/ul][/li]
What I’m planning to do when I stop feeling headachey and absolutely drained:
[ul]
[li]Yoga[/li][li]Resuming daily walks[/li][li]More racquetball[/li][li]And in another 15 degrees or so… Swimming![/li][/ul]
Thanks again for all of your suggestions.
I know a lot of high stress type A personalities. Finding a different outlet for your emotional eating is key. My mother is a physician and ex smoker - she swears quitting was the hardest thing she’d ever done in her life - and she came to this country not speaking a lick of English and graduated med school in 3 years :eek:. So in my eyes, you’re a hero already for quitting smoking.
Sounds like you’re already on track
Ha! Thanks for that. Oddly enough, smoking wasn’t nearly as difficult for me as eating healthy is. Your mom gets my hero badge though. I cannot imagine moving to a country where I didn’t know the language and if I did, I certainly wouldn’t be able to finish med school in 3 years. That’s fantastic!
Incidentally, I believe that quitting smoking was slightly easier for me because A.) I smoked for about 10 years, but I’ve over-eaten my entire life and B.) Panda Express doesn’t have a commercial about honey walnut cigarettes on every ten minutes!! huff huff
Sorry, a little bitter about Panda’s new Honey Walnut Shrimp, can you tell?
When I was in high school (I graduated college last May) I swam competitively 2 hours a day, 5-6 days a week, and ran cross country in the fall (on top of the swimming) - 1 hour a day, 5 days a week. I had a great body, and was underweight, in spite of eating till I was stuffed. Needless to say I had some pretty shitty eating habits - mainly eating till I was stuffed routinely, eating crazy rich desserts every single night, etc.
But my senior year of college (I was largely inactive during college, certainly not helped by a slow thryoid diagnosed mid-college) I seriously took stock of the 25 lb weight gain (down 15 at this point) I had put on. Once you start eating healthy foods, “bad” foods will taste awful to you. Truly rich foods taste horrible to me, or I can only eat them in tiny amounts - yesterday, the boyfriend and I went to our favorite little diner. Instead of ordering some greasy dish, I got buckwheat pancakes, scrambled eggs, and dry wheat toast. We split a small order of fries, and we didn’t even finish them - and that was my fried intake for maybe 2 weeks. They honestly didn’t taste as good as they did a year ago - read up on how foods heavy in preservatives and saturated fats are literally physically addicting. I got my boyfriend to start eating whole wheat pasta - the other night at his mom’s house, he had white for the first time in months. It tasted “chewy and unfilling”.
If I tried even a bite of sticky-syruppy Chinese food, I’d probably go into diabetic shock at this point. But you know what tastes great? Steamed veggies in a light brown sauce when I’m out for Chinese.
So don’t be bitter about Panda’s walnut shrimp. Seriously, avoid all sorts of bad-for-you foods for one month - whole grains, veggies, lean proteins - and go back and try it. It’ll taste bad and weird, I promise you. And you’ll form a mental aversion to it, and the commercials will look like exactly what they truly are - food porn.
- I just cram them deep into an internal box and ignore them. It’s worked so far.
- Is swimming an option for you? I"v got a bad knee as well, and find that regular swimming at the pool is a good, non-stressful way to get exercise. Plus, you don’t get sweaty. I hate sweat. Makes me think I’m worrying about something, which then triggers No. 1, above.
You may want to look into a meditation class to start with. I don’t think it’s just a matter of sitting down and being quiet - that’s just begging for mind-racing to start, in turn triggering No. 1, above.
Mrs Piper recently took a meditation class. She’s found it very helpful for dealing with stress. The class has ended, but she finds the techniques she learnt to be very useful.
Regarding meditation: it is not a relaxation exercise, nor is it making your mind blank or “blissing out.” I just wrapped up an 8 week course in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, and it has been wondrous.
My weight really is a symptom of my stress, so treating the weight (a la Weight Watchers) is just worse than useless. Now I am treating my stress with mindfulness, a key component of which is meditation.
Meditation is trying to pay attention on purpose to the present moment, with non-judgmental awareness. Note I used the word “trying.” Meditation is a rare thing - if you are trying, then you are succeeding. The idea is simply to notice the racing thoughts that go by, without being carried away with them. If you can’t find a local class (try Googling Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction), you can get Full Catastrophe Living, by the founder of the movement.
It really, truly works to reduce stress and make life better. Now, I’ve also realized that I can’t keep sweets around the house, or they tend to get eaten. It’s not like meditation has made me a dieting superhero. But it does help me recognize and accept the reality of not wanting to keep sweets on hand, and gives me other ways of dealing with stress.
(bolding mine)
This seems like sage advice and is close to what I’m doing. I’m very much looking forward to cringing at the idea of dumping a plate of Panda’s Orange Chicken down my throat.
Don’t laugh. I actually bought a house with a pool last summer so I literally am steps away from a pool and looove to swim, but I hate cold water. I will be swimming my heart out in a couple of months but not until it’s reliably hitting 100 here most days. The good news is that I’m in Phoenix, so this should be happening within a month or two.
Wait, what?
This might have just changed my world view forever. I’m absolutely going to look into these classes and, if I can’t find one, grab that book.
No wonder I was failing so hardcore. I think I maybe have been doing it wrong all this time. Huh.
Cinnamon, you have blown my mind, also. Every other sentence in your post is damn near the opposite of what I have ever learned about meditation.
Granted, everything I learned, I learned from a woo woo type new agey book, but still. Their techniques were very useful to me. I had no clue what meditation actually meant, though, I guess.
Depends on the type of meditation. Sometimes it is a relaxation exercise. Sometimes its guided imagery. But mindful meditation is something different. Being in the moment is hard.
Am I the only person for whom this is not true?
When I’ve avoided “bad” foods for a month or two, I have missed them, no mental aversion forms, and when I try them again, they’re exactly as delicious as I remembered.
I’ve no doubt it’s true for the people who give such advice, but is it universal (except me)?
Or maybe you were doing it right, but judging yourself for doing it “wrong.” Or something. When you get into mindfulness meditation, you do start to understand why the Buddhists use koans (“What is the sound of one hand clapping?”) to jog people’s brains out of normal rational channels. It is a world of paradox, in some ways. You choose goals for your practice, and then when you sit down to meditate, you have to let go of the goals and not try to achieve anything. :dubious: Very difficult for those of us who are thinkers, planners, and judgers!
Feel free to PM me - I love to talk about this stuff!
Mindfulness mediation is what Mrs Piper was taking as well.
I’m sorry, I had to laugh. I’m posting from Saskatchewan, where my brother and I went swimming every May 24th to start the summer - even when there was still ice on the lake.
Obviously, it’s a YMMV situation - but I have to say, the swimming really did me a lot of good, both for exercise and stress reduction.
I see. Thanks.
No you are not. I’ve gone months without a krispey kreme donut. It never stops tasting wonderful.