# People who don't seem to have the words "thank you" in their vocabulary **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 15, 2011, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724 "2011-03-15T01:11:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/1 "2011-03-15T01:11:33Z")
I don’t consider myself a particularly sensitive person. Hell, a little rough around the edges even. But when you pay someone a genuine compliment or go out of your way to do a favor for a person (one you know they appreciate) and they don’t even so much as utter the words, it’s pretty hurtful. What the hell is wrong with such people? ---
**Author:** ![SylverOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@SylverOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SylverOne)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/2 "2011-03-15T01:15:51Z")
Have you run into one of my in-laws lately, 'cause it sounds like their MO. Compliments, any type of pleasant gesture, and especially gifts are received as if it’s expected, and a thank you is never forthcoming. I thought about giving one repeat offender a box of thank you cards as a hint, but I don’t think it would do any good. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/3 "2011-03-15T01:19:44Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > What the hell is wrong with such people? Some people are extremely self-centered and think something as lowly as a “thank you” is beneath them. It’s an obnoxious habit indeed. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/4 "2011-03-15T01:25:03Z")
New Yorkers. The .00001 of a millimicron of time and breath spent on _please_s and _thank you_s is infinitesimal, but ever so important, because _not_ saying them shows you’re A Serious Person. Bluntness - not wasting a syllable - is a sign you respect the person you’re talking to as a New Yorker, whose time is more precious than gold. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/5 "2011-03-15T01:33:14Z")
Canada: “Thank you.” “You’re welcome.” USA: “Thank you.” “Uh huh.” ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/6 "2011-03-15T01:59:12Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Canada: “Thank you.” “You’re welcome.” > > USA: “Thank you.” “Uh huh.” Well, I’ve never seen the “you’re welcome” as being important or necessary. Either way, you’re just acknowledging yourself. It’s the thanking the other person that’s important. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/7 "2011-03-15T02:01:50Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Canada: “Thank you.” “You’re welcome.” > > USA: “Thank you.” “Uh huh.” Not in my experience - IMHO we tend to say “Thank YOU!” which is, er, a little weird. ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/8 "2011-03-15T02:06:27Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > New Yorkers. The .00001 of a millimicron of time and breath spent on _please_s and _thank you_s is infinitesimal, but ever so important, because _not_ saying them shows you’re A Serious Person. Word. My favorite is when I hold the door for someone and they just walk right by me without saying a thing. It’s gotten to the point where I yell after them, “You’re WELCOME” (okay, I only do this if they’re smaller than me, :)). Bastards. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/9 "2011-03-15T02:13:22Z")
> [@DooWahDiddy](#): > > Word. My favorite is when I hold the door for someone and they just walk right by me without saying a thing. It’s gotten to the point where I yell after them, “You’re WELCOME” (okay, I only do this if they’re smaller than me, :)). Bastards. And you don’t dare see through this pose. It is sacred - as sacred as anything about New York, in this era when it is being assaulted by hipsters and well-heeled yokels. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/10 "2011-03-15T02:13:25Z")
> [@DooWahDiddy](#): > > Word. My favorite is when I hold the door for someone and they just walk right by me without saying a thing. It’s gotten to the point where I yell after them, “You’re WELCOME” (okay, I only do this if they’re smaller than me, :)). Bastards. Again, I think the critical aspect of thanking people that makes it important is the _acknowledgement_ of that person. For really really small things like a holding a door for someone, I consider eye contact and a nod acceptable because it accomplishes the same thing. (sometimes I do this and sometimes I’ll verbally say it) But when a person completely fails to acknowledge you for the thing you’ve done for them, it’s like they have devalued your worth to them to essentially zero. A well-rounded person shouldn’t internalize that, because we know it’s their own issue and not ours, but nonetheless it’s a shitty way to behave. ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/11 "2011-03-15T05:58:22Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Again, I think the critical aspect of thanking people that makes it important is the _acknowledgement_ of that person. For really really small things like a holding a door for someone, I consider eye contact and a nod acceptable because it accomplishes the same thing. (sometimes I do this and sometimes I’ll verbally say it) Well sure, I would accept eye contact and a head nod as a thank you. I’m talking about when you’re coming out of a bank or something and then realize someone’s right behind you, so you slow up enough to wait for them to catch up (which is nothing more than probably half a second, but still), and then they just walk right out and don’t say a thing. If the back of my head is to you and I took the time to wait for you, the least you can do is touch your tongue to the back of your teeth and form the word “thanks”. ETA: Upon re-reading the OP, I’m happy to say I haven’t had too much experience with not getting a thank you after doing a big favor for someone, or giving them a gift. You’re right, that sucks on a whole other level. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/12 "2011-03-15T06:06:01Z")
Some people just don’t seem to think of it- honestly, as if it just doesn’t occur to them. I’m not sure it is deliberate. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/13 "2011-03-15T06:28:14Z")
What I find funny is that even people who have Asperger’s, a clinical social deficit, still know how to say “thank you” when appropriate. Still, I assume you mean they don’t show any appreciation, right? Because sometimes I think the words “thank you” are inadequate, and will just harp on how great I think what they did is. I know that, when people do that to me, I find that much more satisfying than a just a simple thank you. Then again, I also enjoy it when they brag about it to their friends. I understand some people are more modest and get embarrassed by that. ---
**Author:** ![fjs1fs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9e8a1a/32.png) [@fjs1fs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fjs1fs)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/14 "2011-03-15T08:33:19Z")
> [@DooWahDiddy](#): > > Word. My favorite is when I hold the door for someone and they just walk right by me without saying a thing. It’s gotten to the point where I yell after them, “You’re WELCOME” (okay, I only do this if they’re smaller than me, :)). Bastards. I always do this when people don’t thank me for holding a door for them (even if I have several bags in my hand), oh and btw, native new yorker. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/15 "2011-03-15T10:21:31Z")
For Christmas, I knitted afghans for my niece and nephew - both in their 20s. I sent the gifts with my sister since we went to the inlaws’ place for the holiday. When I saw the two recipients in January, my niece said “I like the color of my afghan” only after she heard me talking to my mom about something else I was knitting. No “thanks” - just that she liked the color. My nephew, he-who-can-do-no-wrong, said nothing. I sent him an email a week later saying since he didn’t acknowledge receiving it, I assumed he didn’t like it, and if that was the case, I’d appreciate if he’d donate it to an organization that gives knitted items to nursing homes. He couldn’t even be bothered to hit reply to that. Yeah, I love the entitled also… ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/16 "2011-03-15T10:40:53Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > Some people are extremely self-centered and think something as lowly as a “thank you” is beneath them. It’s an obnoxious habit indeed. That’s certainly one cause. My mother only started thanking and please-ing us a few years ago, after her best friend threatened with breaking off the friendship then and there “unless you start offering to your children the same basic politeness that you’d offer anybody else!” Mom didn’t even understand why: “but they’re my children!” “They’re _human beings_! If you need them to do something for you, you say please, and if they do something for you, you say thanks. It’s very basic!” “But they’re my children! It’s their duty to do those things!” “So help me God, either you start treating them like you have any manners or this is the last time we have coffee together!” She does it (we do remind her sometimes), but she still doesn’t understand why. She simply doesn’t perceive us as independent human beings - you don’t thank your car for starting, do you? ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/17 "2011-03-15T11:46:47Z")
Some people are uncomfortable taking compliments and don’t particularly appreciate it. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/18 "2011-03-15T11:59:42Z")
I noticed many stores stopped saying it when you buy something. Mostly fast food places. It does not bother me but I wonder why they stopped. ---
**Author:** ![Lorski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Lorski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorski)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/19 "2011-03-15T13:11:31Z")
I’m Southern, and to me it’s inexcusable not to thank someone for doing something for you _if you asked them to do it_. If they just take it upon themselves to do something, well that’s their decision. Maybe you didn’t want/need them to do it. So why should you thank them? You didn’t ask for help, they took it upon themselves to do whatever.\*\* Although I still say thank you, it’s ingrained, I can’t help it. But i have noticed that a lot of people do say "uh huh " instead of your welcome, but it pretty much means the same thing, it’s just an acknowledgement of your thank you. \*_Playing devil’s advocate here, not excusing rudeness in any way_ ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724/20 "2011-03-15T13:16:39Z")
My brother was in NYC and the waitress was bad so he left no tip on purpose. As he was walking out she grabbed his arm and said “You left no tip!” and he said “I know” and walked out. I can’t see that happening many places besides NYC. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-dont-seem-to-have-the-words-thank-you-in-their-vocabulary/574724.md?page=2)