# People who "forget" their babies in the car on a hot day **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 20, 2014, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248 "2014-06-20T22:47:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/61 "2014-06-21T09:32:08Z")
The thing is, 99.9% of the time, you don’t need cues or reminders. And most mums and dads would be horribly affronted if you suggested such. Because those who ‘forget’ their babies in the car on a hot day are not your typical negligent parents…they’re more often mums and dads who are just your normal mums and dads…trying to juggle jobs, kids in childcare, dropping older ones off to school, picking up from after-school-care, creche AND fitting in appointments for the Doctor/Tai-Kwon-Do class/hairdresser…or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/62 "2014-06-21T11:08:34Z")
> [@AtomicDog](#): > > I am sick to death of hearing these stories, over and over every fucking summer. There has GOT to be a way to fucking STOP it. I’m guessing because it’s so infrequent, it’s not a “cost-effective” feature. No one thinks it could happen to them, so it’s not something anyone (or most people, anyway) even think of, let alone have a willingness to pay for. Because I have the same reaction. I had already read that article, and it is absolutely heartrending. I just re-read half of it, and I get filled up yet again. I am so sorry for those poor parents, and I absolutely believe it could have happened to me. I cannot imagine anything worse. So, why can’t they build an obnoxiously loud idiot warning system that sounds if you leave the car and there’s still weight above X pounds in the backseat, and you can only disable it by opening and closing the back door? To ignore it, you’d literally have to walk away from your car as it continued to blare at you. ETA: Or make it insistent but not obnoxious. It just occurred to me that this would wake the sleeping baby every time! That’s it, I’m out of dumb ideas. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/63 "2014-06-21T12:26:57Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > Just for the record, I don’t think the OP **nearwildheaven** is a troll in the generally accepted sense of the word. I suspect she has some sort of late-onset intellectual disability. > > She claims to have been a pharmacist in a previous life, but now spends her waking hours hanging out on messageboards devoted to parenting, marriage and marriage breakdowns. Her posts are very often anecdotes that she has repeated from these purported boards, and her willingness to relay them without any sort of analytic assessment strikes me as indicative of a degree of brain damage. > > A stroke? Dementia? Alcohol induced brain disease? > > Maybe she’ll come back and explain… Oh, I hope u didn’t give the impression that I think the OP is a troll. She’s just an epic moron. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/64 "2014-06-21T12:56:34Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > [Read this](http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html) - the whole thing - then revisit your theory. I don’t even have kids and that article horrified and saddened me. > > Most of these incidents are parents who’ve stepped outside their usual day-in-day-out patterns. Opened up this thread just to link to Gene Weingarten’s piece on this subject. Glad to see you got it in there at post #2. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/65 "2014-06-21T12:59:35Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > Oh, I hope u didn’t give the impression that I think the OP is a troll. She’s just an epic moron. Gaudere’s Bylaw. One more time… I hope _ **I** _ didn’t give the impression… ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/66 "2014-06-21T13:12:29Z")
While I think the OP is wrong in asserting that these cases are likely to be intentional, I am also taken aback by the dismissal of a tortured, dead baby as some kind of tragic mistake or unlucky Act of God rather than the negligence or even recklessness, of a parent who failed in their responsibilities. ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/67 "2014-06-21T13:24:42Z")
As an ideal, I chose to always make my time with my children special. This limited the “hectic” they were exposed to. Every parent has close calls and I certainly had my fair share of them. It was a mind set though, the reason the child is in the car with me is because I wanted to be with my child. Glad I did, now that they’ve grown and gone, barely get a few days per year with them. Your children will never be this age again, enjoy it while you can. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/68 "2014-06-21T14:25:31Z")
> [@Hamlet](#): > > While I think the OP is wrong in asserting that these cases are likely to be intentional, I am also taken aback by the dismissal of a tortured, dead baby as some kind of tragic mistake or unlucky Act of God rather than the negligence or even recklessness, of a parent who failed in their responsibilities. A person who has two brain cells knows that locking your kid in a hot car is a failure of parenting. Some things don’t need to be said, though. ---
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/69 "2014-06-21T14:41:20Z")
> [@Labrador Deceiver](#): > > Oh, I hope u didn’t give the impression that I think the OP is a troll. She’s just an epic moron. I dunno, pretty telling that she didn’t return to sniff the pile of shit she dumped. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/70 "2014-06-21T15:21:49Z")
> [@Hamlet](#): > > While I think the OP is wrong in asserting that these cases are likely to be intentional, I am also taken aback by the dismissal of a tortured, dead baby as some kind of tragic mistake or unlucky Act of God rather than the negligence or even recklessness, of a parent who failed in their responsibilities. And I’m appalled at some of the arrogance in this thread. We all don’t get what we want when others can’t be arsed to try and understand what the other half has gone through. In my case, I need to be more proactive and put the idiotic OP on ignore. So, there ya go. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/71 "2014-06-21T15:55:57Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > I have one of [these](http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/ODAwWDgwMA==/z/pPQAAOxy4dNSz0v2/$_57.jpg). Its a large convex rear view mirror. Its easy to install, just snaps right on, and your field of view at least doubles. Plus its only like $20 or $30. You could see out of the rear window on the driver’s side and definitely a little kid in the back of a car. Might help ease some people’s minds > > Have you ever told her that story? It sounds like its been eating you up for years 😕 You may not realize this, but children are supposed to be kept in rear-facing car seats for as long as possible. ALL infant seats are installed rear-facing. These regulations save the lives of children in accidents, but between that and no longer being allowed to put a car seat in the front seat I’m sure have contributed immensely to being able to accidentally leave a child in the car. ---
**Author:** ![DataX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DataX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DataX)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/72 "2014-06-21T15:57:43Z")
> [@Hamlet](#): > > While I think the OP is wrong in asserting that these cases are likely to be intentional, I am also taken aback by the dismissal of a tortured, dead baby as some kind of tragic mistake or unlucky Act of God rather than the negligence or even recklessness, of a parent who failed in their responsibilities. Yeah - let’s punish those reckless parents. Maybe - I don’t know - have them live with knowledge for the rest of their life if they just had looked in the backseat their kid would still be alive. How anyone could read the article posted in number two and still feel this way is beyond comprehension and any sense of what passes for compassion. The idea that people on the Internet have experienced outrage that compares to any degree of what these parents go through the rest of their life is cruel. Geeze - I’ve never left a baby in my car, and only a few parents do each year, therefore I am superior to everyone that has and it could never happen to me and those it did happen to are obviously reckless. Next up - let’s go after parents whose kids are molested and killed by strangers. I mean if the parents did a good job parenting - the kids would have known to run away - hell why weren’t the parents with the kids when this happened. Parents with dead kids make me so angry! ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/73 "2014-06-21T16:11:19Z")
My mom forgot me in the car once. She had gone in for a CAT scan. And because she got claustrophobic in the machine, she had to be sedated. I think we arranged that I’d come pick her up after it was done and at the appointed time, I was there and she wasn’t waiting for me. So I parked and went in and there she was, sitting in a wheel chair, absolutely stoned. I drove her to Denny’s for brunch/breakfast and at one point she just leaned over, placed her forehead on the table, and started giggling. To be honest, I found it really amusing to see my mom stoned out of her gourd. I almost felt like apologizing to those I had been stoned in front of those many years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/74 "2014-06-21T16:51:11Z")
> [@Hamlet](#): > > While I think the OP is wrong in asserting that these cases are likely to be intentional, I am also taken aback by the dismissal of a tortured, dead baby as some kind of tragic mistake or unlucky Act of God rather than the negligence or even recklessness, of a parent who failed in their responsibilities. Did you read Weingarten’s article? I can tell you that it had a huge effect on my way of viewing these cases, and if you haven’t, I’d urge you to. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/75 "2014-06-21T17:17:03Z")
I have read the article, and I agree that the guilt these parents have to live with is punishment enough, but I am not automatically against leaving it up to the prosecutor with what, if any charges, to press against these parents. It really, really sucks, but that’s why we have the police and the court system, and defense attorneys. Yes it piles the unfairness onto the parent even more than already, but we can’t as a society just collectively say, “well, any parent who leaves their child to die in the car is automatically innocent,” either. It’s a really tough situation, and I honestly do not blame the parents one iota for these terrible mistakes. But, as unfortunate as it may be, sometimes the government may truly feel that it was homicide and press charges. If they are innocent, they’ll be found innocent. I don’t know ☹ It’s really miserable to think about. And that article is gutwrenching. ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/76 "2014-06-21T17:24:39Z")
Once, in April or early May 2010: Went to visit my Grandmother in the nursing home so she could meet the new baby. After the visit, we went on to have lunch with Ma and my two aunts. Got the toddler and teens out of the van, got the dog out and situated (he was the German shepherd who couldn’t be left at home,) and went inside to relax… Ten minutes later “OMG, BABY!” It was coolish (for springtime in SE Georgia,) the van was parked in the shade, windows were down, and still, I have nightmares about “what if.” I’m a mother of six, a conscientious person, I love my children, and yet? I forgot the baby. There was so much else going on, and I forgot her. (And that was about two years after I’d read the linked article, which may be the most haunting thing I’ve ever read.) It can happen. I’m lucky. Most of us are lucky. My heart breaks for any parent who lives through this, and for the suffering the children endure. I have zero sympathy for “I’ll just run in the store” or (as happened near here yesterday) “I’ll leave the baby in the car while I take my final exams.” Zero sympathy - the dangers are far too well-known. But I have nothing except compassion for a parent who accidentally leaves a child in the car. ETA: I just realized - no one else, including my mom and her two sisters, noticed that I came in without the baby. Perhaps they assumed she was napping in the car seat or in the bedroom. My husband and older kids apparently thought the same. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/77 "2014-06-21T17:36:55Z")
> [@AtomicDog](#): > > The cops don’t buy his story. I’ve been told by an officer who has handled this kind of case that the smell of a baby who has died in a hot car is indescribable. This guy got in his car and drove off and didn’t notice? Don’t know about the telltale smell of baked baby, but the articles I’ve read thusfar do seem to imply that the police suspect this particular case may not have been completely accidental. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/78 "2014-06-21T18:17:42Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Did you read Weingarten’s article? > > I can tell you that it had a huge effect on my way of viewing these cases, and if you haven’t, I’d urge you to. Sometimes I wish I could un-read it, but not really. The horror of reading those accounts is nothing compared to the agony those parents go through daily. And yes, I believe there are some parents out there who are neglectful and harmful in their actions - parents who lock their kids in the car while they go to a bar/casino/shopping, parents who are driving drunk or stoned and lock their kids in the car forgetfully after arriving home or elsewhere, that kind of thing. But most of these horrible incidents involved with going to work, etc? I understand. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/79 "2014-06-21T18:51:14Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > I think the idea of keeping something important (purse etc) always in the back seat, and always opening the back door every time to cement it in your routine is brilliant. Anything you do to try to prevent it is something you can forget to do - just like you can forget anything else (including, tragically, the child in the car). To the OP: Anyone who has ever lost anything by leaving it behind has done the same thing as these parents who left their child in the car (albeit with a less valuable object). Nobody means to forget things, but it happens. I left my favourite umbrella on the seat at the train station once. Of course, children are vastly, incomparably _more important_ than umbrellas, but the point is that when you have children, they quickly become just a normal part of your life. Having a child in the car is as _normal_ a thing as having an umbrella in your hand - and sadly, it’s subject to the same failure of mind as everything else. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2014, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248/80 "2014-06-21T19:17:15Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Anything you do to try to prevent it is something you can forget to do - just like you can forget anything else (including, tragically, the child in the car). > > To the OP: Anyone who has ever lost anything by leaving it behind has done the same thing as these parents who left their child in the car (albeit with a less valuable object). Nobody means to forget things, but it happens. > > I left my favourite umbrella on the seat at the train station once. Of course, children are vastly, incomparably _more important_ than umbrellas, but the point is that when you have children, they quickly become just a normal part of your life. Having a child in the car is as _normal_ a thing as having an umbrella in your hand - and sadly, it’s subject to the same failure of mind as everything else. Sorry, but a baby is not an umbrella. I’ve accidentally left a lot of things behind, and forgotten things. But my daughter wasn’t one of them. I’m not thinking about where my umbrella is, compulsively, every couple of minutes. The two cases aren’t remotely comparable. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-forget-their-babies-in-the-car-on-a-hot-day/691248.md?page=5)