# People who have one-sided conversations **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 15, 2013, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333 "2013-08-15T18:33:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/21 "2013-08-16T19:48:52Z")
> [@Macca26](#): > > I’ve got a coworker like that myself. Of course, he’ll do it over the most mundane things - how astonished he acts that the weather changed from sunny to _raining_ of all things! Did you know that right when we were wondering why Client Y hadn’t called to pay, Client Y called us to pay? Unbelievable! I’ve known some people like that, and it drives me crazy. Maybe even more than the droners. There’s one co-worker in particular who often does it. I’m always tempted to be snarky in reply but rarely am. Like he would say something like “the file was on John’s desk, can you believe it?!” and I would want to say “yes, I can definitely believe it, it’s not that remarkable of a story.” But I usually just try to ignore it. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/22 "2013-08-16T19:51:42Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > These people think they’re socialites too! I am always aware and often think I am boring the pants off people I like, and try to make an effort to stop myself. These people never do. I wish it were socially acceptable to just hold up a hand and say, “This conversation is not of mutual benefit. Let’s bail now and save ourselves the incipient trauma.” ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/23 "2013-08-16T20:13:17Z")
In my experience, these are typically just people who honestly don’t get the social cues. In some cases, it’s because they are socially naive or ignorant, sometimes it’s because they have some sort of disorder, but often it’s just because they’re so passionate about whatever they’re talking about, they just plain miss them or rarely just plain don’t care if you’re not passionate too. Usually, I’ll play along a little bit, often it will fix itself. After a certain point, I’ll just try to find a kind way of bringing it to an end. If the gentle nudge doesn’t work, I’ll be blunt. If the blunt doesn’t work, I’ll just leave or do whatever I’d otherwise be doing. And if that doesn’t work, then I’ll be mean, but that’s rare, and it’s usually only necessary for people who just plain don’t get the cues and, thus, don’t even really see it as mean anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/24 "2013-08-16T20:30:09Z")
> [@want2befree](#): > > My nephew will call me and I’ll say hello, and he’ll start talking non-stop for like 5-10 minutes. It’s like he just needs to get everything out of his head out of his mouth. Every once in a while, he’ll ask how my life is going. But for the most part, he just rambles and I half listen. Perhaps your nephew is a clone of my sister. She’s really a lovely person, but she starts talking about one thing (in excruciating detail) and somewhere along the way a tangent occurs to her so she goes down that road for awhile, until a couple of other things come to mind so we follow those, and so on. Every 20 minutes or so she will recognize that she has been doing all the talking and she asks me about my stuff, but really, after a lifetime of that (the first 18 years of my life living with it every day) I just don’t have that much to say. Anyway, I recognize it’s some emotional need for recognition or something, so I just sit back and wait it out. Like I said, she’s a sweetheart in every other single way. Roddy ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/25 "2013-08-16T22:49:45Z")
OP piping up again. Last year I was a conference with two other people I work with. I knew both of them to be chatterboxes but this turned out to be an understatement. It is natural to think I am exaggerating, but I swear hand to God that I am not. They spent the entire car trip there talking–both of them, at the same time. Literally non-stop. At dinner, I had one on one side of me, the other on the other side of me. Each spent the entire dinner addressing me. At the same time. Non-stop. Again, I should be exaggerating here, but I mean the above claims in the literal sense. And they are true. It was mind boggling. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/26 "2013-08-17T00:12:16Z")
I know two of these. I’m still friends with both of them so I may be a glutton for punishment. M is a colleague in my former office; he is the king of odd tangents, as if he has to follow every odd thought that crosses his mind to its conclusion. There are several times I called him specifically to tell him something, only to find I couldn’t get the words out over his verbal diarrhea. Each time, I either had to practically shout it over whatever he was saying, or just give up and email it to him. S isn’t quite as talkative, but if she tells me some brief story one time, I shudder - because she’ll mention it again on the next dozen phone calls (at least), no matter how minor or boring the story is. She also has the habit of leaving messages on my cell phone just telling me she “just called to say “hey””, with no other information. Yes, she knows that cell phones have caller I.D. I finally downloaded an app that allows me to prevent certain people from leaving messages. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/27 "2013-08-17T08:10:28Z")
> [@Tethered\_Kite](#): > > Doesn’t anyone in this country know about assertiveness? > > Turn to the person who is rattling on, smile and firmly say, “Excuse me, I can’t talk to you right now.” Or whatever serves as an appropriate excuse for why you aren’t going to talk. > > Then carry on with what you are doing. You save yourself frustration, avoid unkindness and get what you need. This method frees him from his equally frustrating attempt to get attention and permission to go find someone who’s less assertive to impose himself upon. > > Problem solved. I so wished that always worked. You carry on with what you are doing, they start talking to you again. Or they get all miffed and talk around you about how horrible a snob you are. That’s why everyone is recommending that you leave. Unfortunately, at a job, you often can’t. No, you have to do the much worse thing, which is catch them after work and talk to them about their behavior. Yuck! ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/28 "2013-08-17T15:24:25Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Back when my mother was still alive, and living here with me, there was a couple who periodically stopped by. Who were they? The husband was a coworker of my father. Now, my father retired way back in 1978 and died in 1995. At no time did he indicate that these people were friends. But they stop by, unannounced, and stay for hours, the husband monopolizing the conversation, just like the guy in the OP. They always show up prior to dinner time, then invite themselves to the meal. Oh, and they’re both vegetarians, and complain if there’s meat in the meal. > > My mother went along with this because she was too polite to ask them to leave. I am not that polite, so the first time they showed up after her death, I turned them away at the door. I’ve had to do this 5-6 times so far, and will continue as long as I have to. I wonder how many other people are putting up with them and feeding them. > > It’s called “chutzpah.” Just curious: How long ago did your mother die? My neighbor’s boyfriend has Asperger’s (he’s in his 50s and pursued a diagnosis when he read about people with it and recognized himself) and he can talk endlessly about his favorite topic, the provenance of imported collectable rock LPs. But he will change the subject if asked. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/29 "2013-08-17T17:07:43Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I so wished that always worked. You carry on with what you are doing, they start talking to you again. Or they get all miffed and talk around you about how horrible a snob you are. > > That’s why everyone is recommending that you leave. Unfortunately, at a job, you often can’t. No, you have to do the much worse thing, which is catch them after work and talk to them about their behavior. Yuck! ETA: Post deleted because I decided against it. But this. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/30 "2013-08-17T21:43:50Z")
I’ve been to family things where I knew I wasn’t going to be able to take the family politics shit for very long. So before I get out of my car, I figure how much I can take and set the alarm on my cell phone to ring after an hour or so. “Sorry, I have to take this call”, chat away to nobody getting increasingly concerned, and then apologetically excuse myself because “Something came up.” A cell phone ‘set on vibrate’ can work too. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/31 "2013-08-17T21:59:31Z")
I kinda love people like this. I’m horrible at small talk, so if all i have to do to hold up my end of the conversation is occasionally murmur, “uh huh,” or “yeah,” that works out pretty well for me. ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/32 "2013-08-17T22:14:46Z")
There are a couple of other teachers on my hallway that are like this. If they stop by my room after school and get started, they will stand in the doorway and rattle on for an hour easily. And the whole time I’m trying to look busy (because I actually AM busy!) to give them a hint to wrap it up and move on. But they just don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/33 "2013-08-17T22:24:08Z")
> [@NotDeadYet](#): > > When my sister calls, I put her on speaker-phone and continue to do whatever I was doing when the phone rang. Love her, but her phone editique is horrible. Ha! This is exactly what my mom does when her insane sister calls. She’ll be preparing dinner in the kitchen and not paying the slightest attention to her sister’s psychotic ramblings about gov’t plots to poison her and burglaries of her home (burglaries in which the burglar took nothing but a couple of half-burned POS candles), instead just throwing her the occasional “Yes Linda” or “Uh huh”. It’s really hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Molotok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@Molotok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Molotok)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/34 "2013-08-17T22:40:51Z")
I think a lot of these people do get it - maybe some have a condition or lack social training etc. But most seem (IME) to just open the stream of consciousness part of their brain, open their mouth, and let the noise fall out. I can handle it if the person is oblivious, but when there’s intent , I will be blunt. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/35 "2013-08-18T01:36:19Z")
I’ve had a few friends like this too. We would talk about her problems mostly and what I could not stand was that she would not listen. She would talk about a “problem” she was having, and we would talk a out “solutions” to this problem and she seemed to get it. Very next thing that came out of her mouth was a complaint about the same damn problem. This happened over and over so much that I told her I can’t be her damn therapist anymore. She seemed to get it after that and we got along a lot better. ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/36 "2013-08-18T03:04:19Z")
My grandfather was a wonderful, wonderful man but basically kept up a running monologue all the time, including dinners, car rides and phone calls. My dad said when he had met him decades before he had been really quiet. My mom is now doing something similar with phone calls. They both had hearing loss and it seems to be more comfortable to talk than listen. ---
**Author:** ![aurora\_maire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aurora_maire/32/328_2.png) [@aurora\_maire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aurora_maire)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/37 "2013-08-18T04:13:38Z")
This post made me realize that one of my coworkers hasn’t been seen in a while. Weeks? A couple months? He is so obliviously obnoxious that I guess everyone is just glad he’s not around because I haven’t heard anything about why he isn’t. I would have heard if he left or got fired so I’m guessing it pertains to one of the medical issues he never stops talking about. Anyway, if he comes to my desk and starts a monologue, I send an IM to a friend to call me and pretend to have a work related conversation until he goes away. It can take several minutes before he will finally wander off. I left before a coworker’s wedding reception a few years ago because there were two work-folks tables and he was at one and the rudest person in the universe was at the other. I refuse to subject myself to that stuff anymore. (And the rudest person in the universe retired two weeks ago!) ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/38 "2013-08-18T04:41:05Z")
MIL is like this. She’s so self obsessed that she can’t stand a conversation about things she’s not familiar with. My friends and I will be having a fun conversation on my Facebook wall about something she doesn’t know anything about and she’ll post in the thread with something like “Did you get my email about Dad’s birthday?”. Shuts the conversation down as everyone feels rude resuming as though she hadn’t posted, but no one else has anything to say on the topic of whether or not I got the email and so it just stops there. ---
**Author:** ![maladroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@maladroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maladroit)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/39 "2013-08-19T19:45:42Z")
My neighbor’s husband told me he found his wife talking to herself. He asked her who she was talking to, she said she was talking to me. I’d left 2 hours previously to his asking. ---
**Author:** ![romadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b4bc9f/32.png) [@romadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romadea)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333/40 "2013-08-19T20:06:38Z")
My sister does this too and she has narcissistic personality disorder. It’s why I haven’t answered a phone call from her in years; I just text her back. It makes me feel like a jerk, especially because she always says how she wishes we spent more time together but she really is extremely frustrating/boring to be around. Perhaps we can all start a support group. We can call each other and not say anything at all… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-have-one-sided-conversations/666333.md?page=3)