# People who must exist by definition, but you can never find: Who interests you most? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 25, 2026, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000 "2026-01-25T09:38:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/1 "2026-01-25T09:38:57Z")
My go-to explanation for this question is the movie _Dogma_, when Rufus tells Jay that he masturbates more than anyone else on the planet. This made me realize that, by definition, such a person must exist, but you can never truly determine who specifically that is. I really do wonder what that person is like (although I’m not sure I’d ever want to actually _meet_ them). Another is that I wonder about, for obvious reasons, is the person alive today with whom I would have the best possible (by my standards) romantic relationship with, taking into account the wants and ideals of both sides. Besides the obvious, I think I could learn a lot about myself from meeting the person for whom I’d be the best option for us both mutually (even if the “best possible” is, like, 4/10). Any other things like that that you think it’d be fun to speculate about? ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 9:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/2 "2026-01-25T09:42:46Z")
Back in the ‘90s, commercials for movies used to like using the line “if you only see one movie this year, make it [this one]!” I’d like to meet the man who only sees one movie each year. ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/3 "2026-01-25T12:13:52Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > I really do wonder what that person is like A prisoner in solidarity confinement. And sadly it would be a tie with many. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/4 "2026-01-25T12:29:19Z")
So you’re thinking they’re like potato chips? Nobody can eat / see just one. Working from the OP’s first example, they’re sorta imagining an even weirder version of the Guinness Book of World Records. Just for random, perhaps seemingly trivial things. We know who’s fattest or tallest. But who smells worst or has the greatest number of fleas or … ??? ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/5 "2026-01-25T12:43:16Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > I’d like to meet the man who only sees one movie each year. I probably see less than one movie in a typical year. In the last 25 years, I’ve certainly seen fewer than 25 movies, and I’m including movies I’ve watched on streaming, on TV and on a plane. In fact in the last eight years, the ONLY movies I have watched have been on transatlantic flights. All of the movies I watched in the five years before that were movies I took my then young daughter to or watched with her at home. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/6 "2026-01-25T12:49:50Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > I’d like to meet the man who only sees one movie each year. I often see only one movie a year, when the family decides to see something on Christmas Eve. I’m not counting streaming, but i don’t watch a ton of movies on TV, either. And back before easy streaming, there were probably a lot of years when i only watched one movie. (I never really subscribed to cable.) ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/7 "2026-01-25T12:50:30Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > I’d like to meet the man who only sees one movie each year. happy to meet up - that person would be me! There might have been years (plural!) where I didn’t watch any movies - that plain-vanilla-hollywood-time-sink (where I know within the first 5 min how everything will pan out) … does not appeal to me. \*). That is pretty much the same like listening to a Taylor Swift / Adriana Grande / generic artist album end-to-end. \*) I must confess, however that for the past few years I do long-distance business-travel (often 15+ hours), and there I do watch movies - but basically just to kill time (that would probably put me in the 1 or 2 movies x year category). The last ones I watched were Oppenheimer and the latest Dracula/Vampire movie (turned out so generic, I cant even recall the name) - both of which cemented my opinion of “_not a good use of the remaining life-time that is in me_”. If you now think “god, that guy must be ~~boring~~ fun at parties” … well, I wont argue about that! I see, I got ninja’d by @puzzlegal and @Mighty_Mouse … so maybe we could all meet up some day for a party. > [@Leaper](#): > > My go-to explanation for this question is the movie _Dogma_, when Rufus tells Jay that he masturbates more than anyone else on the planet. This made me realize that, by definition, such a person must exist, but you can never truly determine who specifically that is. I really do wonder what that person is like (although I’m not sure I’d ever want to actually _meet_ them). open to meet the person, but def. not shaking hands … 😉 ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/8 "2026-01-25T12:56:29Z")
The other children cast for _The Brady Bunch._ A couple of different books on TV that I have read, said the children were cast before the parents, and the producers had decided to do the hair-color match from the beginning, but before the definitely cast the parents, they didn’t know whether they’d need blonde girls and brown-haired boys, or brunette girls, and blond boys. So they cast a set of each. That’s maybe not what the OP is looking for, but I really want to know about those kids. I also would like to meet the _Jeopardy_ question writers. I don’t know if it’s a job unto itself, something everyone has a hand in, and then maybe there’s a fact-checker, or they farm out the questions, and with the same fact-checker. In which case, I want to meet the fact checker. ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/9 "2026-01-25T13:02:51Z")
Obligatory SMBC link: [https://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2314#comic](https://smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2314#comic) ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/10 "2026-01-25T13:04:41Z")
I’d like to meet the person in the world who is the most similar to me in physical appearance, and then also meet the person in the world who is the most mentally similar to me. And, like the OP said, I wish there were some magic way to filter out the billions of people in the world and somehow have it all narrow down right to the one person alive who is the most romance and marriage compatible with me. Also, **Smapti** , I, too, probably also watch only 1 movie or less per year. ---
**Author:** ![dolphinboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dolphinboy/32/330_2.png) [@dolphinboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dolphinboy)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/11 "2026-01-25T13:13:48Z")
I want to meet the most intelligent person on this planet right now. What would they be like? What would their superior intelligence look like? Having worked in high tech, I’ve met many smart people, but I don’t think I’ve ever met the most intelligent person in the world. Would it be the person with the highest IQ, or would there be another way to measure their intelligence? ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/12 "2026-01-25T13:25:49Z")
By most accounts, the phrase “Too soon!” originated at the 2001 Friar’s Club roast of Hugh Hefner, when an audience member shouted the phrase at Gilbert Gottfried in response to a joke about 9/11 (and was later popularized when footage of the incident was shown in the movie _The Aristocrats_). Who was that guy? ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/13 "2026-01-25T13:28:05Z")
> [@dolphinboy](#): > > I want to meet the most intelligent person on this planet right now. What would they be like? What would their superior intelligence look like? It would look a lot like ChatGPT 5.2. They would be astonishingly knowledgeable about almost everything, supremely confident in their knowledge and intelligence, and occasionally bullshit you. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/14 "2026-01-25T13:32:44Z")
I’d like to speak with that fifth dentist, the one who recommends that you chew sugary gum. mmm ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/15 "2026-01-25T14:33:33Z")
I assume the fifth dentist says, “eh, it doesn’t matter than much”. ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/16 "2026-01-25T14:39:09Z")
The fifth dentist says “I don’t recommend chewing _any_ gum, sugared or sugar-free.” ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/17 "2026-01-25T14:43:28Z")
My guess is that the fifth dentist is an astute businessman who knows how to run a profitable business! 😁 ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/18 "2026-01-25T15:06:10Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > So they cast a set of each. Bobby (Mike Lookinland) is a ringer - they dyed his hair dark ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/19 "2026-01-25T15:15:04Z")
I prefer the mystery. One of the saddest days was when a ship worker (James Kilroy) was identified as the originator of the phrase, “Kilroy was here.” How boring. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2026, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000/20 "2026-01-25T15:57:33Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > My go-to explanation for this question is the movie _Dogma_, when Rufus tells Jay that he masturbates more than anyone else on the planet. This made me realize that, by definition, such a person must exist, but you can never truly determine who specifically that is. I really do wonder what that person is like (although I’m not sure I’d ever want to actually _meet_ them). Whatever you do, if you by chance happen to do so, **DON’T** shake their hands. > [@Si\_Amigo](#): > > solidarity confinement. Best typo of the week. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-must-exist-by-definition-but-you-can-never-find-who-interests-you-most/1027000.md?page=2)