# People who refer to their spouse as "Mr./Mrs. \" **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 26, 2004, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549 "2004-03-26T11:56:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Carnick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carnick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnick)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/101 "2004-03-27T11:04:42Z")
> [@DaveW](#): > > **Carnick** wrote:No, actually. By referring to my wife as “Mrs. W.” I am actually trying to conform to the norms of this message board. Not doing so would demonstrate my unwillingness to adjust to the peculiar society which exists here, label me an outsider, and permanently deny my full acceptance by many of the other Dopers. That you do not (or can not) see how much of a burden this spousal-naming convention is to some of us just illustrates that you’re a heartless clod, insensitive to the needs of those of us who desperately want to fit in. Who says you need to be accepted by the Dopers? Sure, they’re the least ignorant forum community on the internet, but that’s not saying much. You should only suck up to someone when you have the possibility of getting money, sex, and/or food out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/102 "2004-03-27T11:08:27Z")
> [@](#): > > Yes, it might be convenient, but it’s lame. Incredibly lame. Can’t you people see that? Why can’t you use “my wife,” or “my husband”? Okay. Fair enough. Of course, we’ll want you to drop your convenience as well. No more “you” for you. Type out the names of all whom you are addressing. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/103 "2004-03-27T11:26:08Z")
I used to refer to my wife as my wife, or J, or occasionally ladyhauke, but now she has her own screenname which is available light. > [@The Mermaid](#): > > Although I don’t talk about my hubby, SO, spouse, sometimes- thorn-in-my-side very often on the the boards (I reserve all that for LJ) I don’t see anything wrong with calling him Mr. Mermaid. > > If I simply referred to him as Thom, 99% of you wouldn’t know who I’m talking about. He doesn’t post so he has no user name and if I called him my lover that would sound like a SNL sketch. How about, oh I dunno, The Merman maybe? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/104 "2004-03-27T13:23:02Z")
> [@Esprix](#): > > In my case, you might be confounded to try to figure out who I’m talking about when I refer to “Mr. Esprix.” > > Esprix I don’t think anyone will ever top your “Doctor Boyfriend.” That always made me smile. If I ever get someone, he’ll be “Mr. X.” But don’t hold your breath. ---
**Author:** ![DaveW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@DaveW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaveW)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/105 "2004-03-27T15:07:48Z")
**Carnick** wrote: > [@](#): > > You should only suck up to someone when you have the possibility of getting money, sex, and/or food out of it. Well, if you’re going to declare it impossible, I guess _you_ won’t be getting any of those three things. I don’t share your defeatist attitude, however. Hey, **Lib** : I think **Carnick** should be prohibited the use of all pronouns, not just the one. ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/106 "2004-03-27T16:06:54Z")
> [@SanguineSpider](#): > > Does it really matter what someone calls their spouse or boy/girlfriend? Are you _that_ bitter? Did someone pee in your Cheerios? I believe that’s “piss in your post toasties” 😉 I call my so, boyfriend, man who shares my bed type person **Ardred**. It makes him ‘seem’ like a poster when he’s really not. (he finds the internet to be a strange and frightening place… or just boring most of the time) I bet **Carnick** (and Mrs. Carnick) really hate me. Ardred is his iconic D&D character. I could call him by some of his other D&D names, but then I’d be even more of a geek. ---
**Author:** ![SlyFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@SlyFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlyFrog)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/107 "2004-03-27T16:32:17Z")
> [@FilmGeek](#): > > man who shares my bed “Man who shares my bed?!?” Is he your laaaaavaaar? Do you feed each other roast gooseflesh by the hearth? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/108 "2004-03-27T16:59:09Z")
> [@Carnick](#): > > Besides the needless vulgarities, I don’t see a big difference between our ranting styles. > > Fuckhead. That would be _Mr._ Fuckhead to you. My wife would be _Mrs._ Fuckhead. ---
**Author:** ![Mercury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e95f7d/32.png) [@Mercury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mercury)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/109 "2004-03-27T17:23:37Z")
Well, I don’t like the sound of “SO” or “partner” (too clinical) or “boyfriend” (too short-term). I don’t want to have to keep explaining who “Pat” is. We’re not married. He has a username, but I don’t think he’s ever made a post. So, **Mr Mercury** works best of all, I think. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/110 "2004-03-27T17:25:08Z")
[QUOTE=Carnick] Yes, it might be convenient, but it’s lame. Incredibly lame. Can’t you people see that? Why can’t you use “my wife,” or “my husband”? Are tried and true words that have been used for hundreds of years too conformist for you hippies? [QUOTE] No, constantly referring to “my wife” or “my husband” is stupid and lame, and I don’t know anyone who talks like that, except for a few sad cases for whom marriage is the one big accomplishment in their lives. I went to lunch with a friend of mine who kept talking about “my fiance” this and “my fiance” that, and by the time we’d placed our orders, I was ready to stab her in the eye with my fork. HE IS A HUMAN BEING WITH AN EXISTANCE OUTSIDE YOUR RELATIONSHIP, AND HE HAS A NAME. USE IT, FOR FUCK’S SAKE. And, of course, there’s also the tiny, insignificant fact that married people have referred to one another as Mrs./Mr. Whatever in social settings for hundreds of years. What, _that_ tried and true social convention too conformist for you? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/111 "2004-03-27T18:46:21Z")
> [@Carnick](#): > > Who says you need to be accepted by the Dopers? Sure, they’re the least ignorant forum community on the internet, _but that’s not saying much_. Italics mine. And now we get to the bottom of the pitting. This guy is an elitist who sees himself as the guiding light to all the ignorant slobs who frequent this message board. Sure we’re better than the dreck over at [webeslobs.com](http://webeslobs.com) and [trailertrash.org](http://trailertrash.org), but not by a large measure. But with Carnick’s guidance, we surely will be lifted from our marginal IQs to a level comparable to…oh…say…that of Carnick. Fuck off and take Ms. Carnick with you. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/112 "2004-03-27T19:28:42Z")
So I guess it really pisses you off, **Carnick** , that the mysterious columnist **Cecil Adams** refers to his mysterious [wife](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a4_241.html) as [**Mrs Adams**](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_201.html) and refers to his children as “the little researchers.” Jeez, must be tough to be the only conformist in a room full of non-conformists. ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/113 "2004-03-27T19:31:00Z")
Well, I call him “Mr zoogirl” because he doesn’t post here and I don’t think I should use his real name. We’re not technically married but we’ve been together twenty-three years and have kids. Boyfriend hardly cuts it. We usually use husband and wife, or "my old man/lady. (Yeah, yeah, no Surrey jokes, okay? :rolleyes: ) I don’t want to use “zooguy” because I think my boss uses it for some stuff on the net. I refer to our teenage boys as Kid, the Elder and Kid, the Younger. Okay, maybe that’s a little affected. I could just continue the zoo theme and call them the critters! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/114 "2004-03-27T19:42:48Z")
Wel, my bf registered finally, so I no longer have to refer to him as the Goboyfriend. His nick is **JustKiddng** (yes, the second “i” is missing), although he has not yet posted. Happy, **Carnick**? ---
**Author:** ![Carnick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carnick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnick)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/115 "2004-03-27T23:22:49Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Italics mine. > > And now we get to the bottom of the pitting. This guy is an elitist who sees himself as the guiding light to all the ignorant slobs who frequent this message board. > > Sure we’re better than the dreck over at [webeslobs.com](http://webeslobs.com) and [trailertrash.org](http://trailertrash.org), but not by a large measure. But with Carnick’s guidance, we surely will be lifted from our marginal IQs to a level comparable to…oh…say…that of Carnick. > > Fuck off and take Ms. Carnick with you. You make the mistake of assuming I want to guide people with my brilliance. Like all true elitists I sit in my room, alone, looking down on the people below from my dirty windows, wondering why everyone has an SO but me. ---
**Author:** ![Carnick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carnick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnick)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/116 "2004-03-27T23:25:14Z")
> [@Mercury](#): > > Well, I don’t like the sound of “SO” or “partner” (too clinical) or “boyfriend” (too short-term). > > I don’t want to have to keep explaining who “Pat” is. > > We’re not married. > > He has a username, but I don’t think he’s ever made a post. > > So, **Mr Mercury** works best of all, I think. And _I’m_ anal? ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/117 "2004-03-27T23:28:37Z")
> [@Fish](#): > > So I guess it really pisses you off, **Carnick** , that the mysterious columnist **Cecil Adams** refers to his mysterious [wife](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a4_241.html) as [**Mrs Adams**](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_201.html) and refers to his children as “the little researchers.” Jeez, must be tough to be the only conformist in a room full of non-conformists. Oh, _snap_! Case closed, **Carnick** loses. ---
**Author:** ![Carnick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carnick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnick)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/118 "2004-03-27T23:37:26Z")
[QUOTE=CrazyCatLady] [QUOTE=Carnick] Yes, it might be convenient, but it’s lame. Incredibly lame. Can’t you people see that? Why can’t you use “my wife,” or “my husband”? Are tried and true words that have been used for hundreds of years too conformist for you hippies? > [@](#): > > No, constantly referring to “my wife” or “my husband” is stupid and lame, and I don’t know anyone who talks like that, except for a few sad cases for whom marriage is the one big accomplishment in their lives. I went to lunch with a friend of mine who kept talking about “my fiance” this and “my fiance” that, and by the time we’d placed our orders, I was ready to stab her in the eye with my fork. HE IS A HUMAN BEING WITH AN EXISTANCE OUTSIDE YOUR RELATIONSHIP, AND HE HAS A NAME. USE IT, FOR FUCK’S SAKE. > > And, of course, there’s also the tiny, insignificant fact that married people have referred to one another as Mrs./Mr. Whatever in social settings for hundreds of years. What, _that_ tried and true social convention too conformist for you? That’s Mr./Mrs. Lastname, not Mr./Mrs. Cutesy Nickname. If you don’t want to use a title like “my husband/wife” every time, than use their goddamn first name. I’m no hax0r, but I don’t think you can do anything nefarious with just a first name. Some of you people need to stop being so paranoid, you’re not important enough to warrent an internet stalker’s attention. Or you could always use a fake name, like, Amy instead of Alice. ---
**Author:** ![Carnick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carnick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnick)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/119 "2004-03-27T23:38:54Z")
> [@Carnick](#): > > That’s Mr./Mrs. Lastname, not Mr./Mrs. Cutesy Nickname. If you don’t want to use a title like “my husband/wife” every time, than use their goddamn first name. > > I’m no hax0r, but I don’t think you can do anything nefarious with just a first name. Some of you people need to stop being so paranoid, you’re not important enough to warrent an internet stalker’s attention. Or you could always use a fake name, like, Amy instead of Alice. I meant warrant, of course. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549/120 "2004-03-27T23:51:07Z")
But then I’d have to remember what fake name I used in what context. There’s no way I could do that. Besides, I’ve gone through three The Devil’s Grandfathers in the time I’ve been posting here. I’ve settled on one finally, which does make things easier, I must admit. I would also argue that within this board, I _am_ The Devil’s Grandmother, just as surely as in the “real world” I am the name my parents gave me at birth. Referring to my SO as The Devil’s Grandfather or Mr. Previous Username is as sensible as our referring to each other as Mr./Mrs. Real Last Name to people who don’t know us. The use of first names without tedious explanations would lead to confusion as people would be uncertain whether I was taking about my brother “Dave”, my husband “Dave”, my coworker “Dave” or the plant who sits on my desk whose name is also “Dave”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-refer-to-their-spouse-as-mr-mrs-screen-name/236549.md?page=7)