# People who request help moving and offer no refreshments once job is complete - Faux paux or not? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 25, 2011, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019 "2011-08-25T10:41:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/21 "2011-08-25T13:11:42Z")
> [@Eva\_Luna](#): > > Extremely tacky. Beyond tacky, I’d say assholeish. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/22 "2011-08-25T13:29:22Z")
I can’t conceive of having people in my house for any reason and not feeding them. If they are doing even the smallest amount of work I tend to provide a full meal. The last guy who helped us move furniture got homemade chicken fried steak and next week we have someone helping us throw out an old couch and in exchange he is getting meatloaf and mashed potatoes. That being said, she may have asked you for help specifically because she feels like she helps you out quite a bit. Did she redo your resume for you? Tutor your kid? Help paint your kitchen? She might think she is “cashing in” favors and think that because you owe her for that time that she helped you with X that she doesn’t need to go beyond a basic thank you. She would be wrong, of course, but that might be where she is coming from on that. If you’ve never gotten help from her for anything before and she still didn’t provide you food and drinks for helping her move then I would say that next time she asks you for help tell her you aren’t interested. ---
**Author:** ![Elysium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3be4f8/32.png) [@Elysium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elysium)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/23 "2011-08-25T13:29:33Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > I would add that barring physical disability, reciprocation of the favor is also expected. Very true! Even when I was 6 months pregnant I helped my friend move. Now, I only carried her pillows, sheets, picture frames, and the like. But it was still helping. I did everything I could safely carry and reduced the number of trips up and down the stairs and to the car for the guys carrying the heavy stuff. You definitely have to reciprocate, to the best of your ability. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/24 "2011-08-25T14:05:56Z")
Very tacky. I helped a friend move - middle of summer, moving from Birmingham to Atlanta. Heavy couch and bed. Helped him set up his house. We did all this with promises of “We’ll move then get cleaned up and hit the town - dinner, clubs, all on me!” What I got was the McDonald’s drive through on the way to Backstreet. I didn’t complain because I assumed that moving ended up costing him more than he planned and couldn’t afford much, but even so he made the gesture. Even if all you have it tap water and crackers, you make the gesture. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/25 "2011-08-25T14:13:22Z")
I agree with **Manda Jo**. Unless you’re young or in dire financial straights, hire some movers already, cheapass. Having friends help you move and then not providing a nice meal is just adding insult to injury. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/26 "2011-08-25T14:33:01Z")
Heck, if someone comes over to help me with anything (even if it’s just moving a table upstairs), they get a beer and a snack. ---
**Author:** ![Lukeinva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lukeinva/32/17872_2.png) [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/27 "2011-08-25T14:46:13Z")
Have to agree… she should have had some lemonade, ice water, beer shot of Jack. Something to offer. However! Maybe she was stressed about the whole move thing, women get that way. Once she has settled in and has her pans in order she’ll make you a peach pie. Or something. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/28 "2011-08-25T15:09:41Z")
I dunno, but when we moved, we offered **the strangers** , who we were **paying** , Gatorade, water, and fresh, hot pizza during and after the move. Joe ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/29 "2011-08-25T15:14:58Z")
> [@Essured](#): > > Beer and pizza is the standard currency around here. Up to a certain age - then you bloody well hire people. > But when younger, it’s understood that you’ll be thanked, fed and given beer once the moving is completed. Exactly. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/30 "2011-08-25T15:20:18Z")
> [@Lukeinva](#): > > Once she has settled in and has her pans in order she’ll make you a peach pie. Or something. I doubt it. OP’s still waiting for a little pie from helping her move 12 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/31 "2011-08-25T15:26:31Z")
> [@Lukeinva](#): > > However! Maybe she was stressed about the whole move thing, women get that way. Once she has settled in and has her pans in order she’ll make you a peach pie. Or something. And I hope the OP has the balls to tell her where to put her pie. ---
**Author:** ![apollonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2bfe46/32.png) [@apollonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apollonia)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/32 "2011-08-25T15:38:56Z")
God, yes. I’ve helped dozens of friends move into and out of various rathole apartments, and even the brokest college student has always managed to offer SOMETHING. If a 19-year-old moving from one ratty basement apartment into another ratty basement apartment can pony up for a six-pack of something horrid, they can damn well feed and hydrate you. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/33 "2011-08-25T15:40:03Z")
I have no idea how does formal etiquette deal with this, and I don’t imagine it comes up much for the Casa Real (it’s hard to picture the Infantas asking their pals to come move sofas), but whenever I’ve had someone do heavy work for me and whenever I’ve done heavy work for someone else, refreshments have been offered _during_ work (non-alcoholic drinks). Whether heavier refreshments are involved at any point depends on the hours involved: for a day-long operation such as that one 12 years ago, I’d provide lunch or expect it to be provided, if the work was unpaid; if it was paid, arrangements for lunch would be made beforehand. I’ve got paid workers coming in during the next weeks and there will be cold drinks available for them; one team will bring sandwiches, the other one asked about local eateries. Even without considering safety issues, it’s just basic courtesy. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/34 "2011-08-25T15:50:57Z")
When I’ve enlisted friends to help me move, I go further than providing refreshments afterwards. For one thing I provide cold beverages _during_; for another I buy dinner once we’re done–at the very least ordering pizza, and if practical taking everybody to a restaurant. **astro** , I don’t understand why you assisted at all, if you knew your workmate was so, ah, ill-mannered. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/35 "2011-08-25T15:59:41Z")
I wouldn’t expect it unless it had been mentioned beforehand. “can you help me move? I’m getting pizza when we’re done.”. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/36 "2011-08-25T16:16:15Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > I wouldn’t expect it unless it had been mentioned beforehand. “can you help me move? I’m getting pizza when we’re done.”. In my neck of the woods, it’s simply understood that if you ask someone to do a major favor involving considerable physical labor, you proffer refreshments at least afterwards, and probably during. The person doing the favor may demur, but you have to offer or you demonstrate a lack of home training. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/37 "2011-08-25T16:19:12Z")
I don’t mean to hijack the thread, but I’m moving this Saturday. I’ve got three male friends, a female friend, a brother, sister, and two senior in-laws. The women are on cleaning detail. Afterward, the young men are going to my bachelor party. Of course I’ll offer beverages during the move, just as I’ve always done, but then what? We’re going to _my_ bachelor party. I shouldn’t have to pay for my own drinks, especially since we’re likely to get them for free from the bar anyhow. So when do we transition from “Hey, thanks for helping me move. Here’s free stuff.” to “Congrats on getting married, and thanks for inviting me. Here’s free stuff.”? Also, do I buy them dinner or do they buy me dinner? Consider that it’s only a one-bedroom apartment (only 15 two-man furniture pieces!:)) but there will likely be an “unwelcome guest” named Irene dropping by the afternoon.☹ ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/38 "2011-08-25T16:19:31Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > In my neck of the woods, it’s simply understood that if you ask someone to do a major favor involving considerable physical labor, you proffer refreshments at least afterwards, and probably during. The person doing the favor may demur, but you have to offer or you demonstrate a lack of home training. I would do the same, but I wouldn’t expect it of others. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/39 "2011-08-25T16:27:46Z")
@ \*\*Chessic \*\*- I would buy lunch and provide snacks since the evening meal is already taken care of, and definitely offer to at least buy a round while you guys are out. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/40 "2011-08-25T16:52:56Z")
> [@Essured](#): > > Beer and pizza is the standard currency around here. Up to a certain age - then you bloody well hire people. > But when younger, it’s understood that you’ll be thanked, fed and given beer once the moving is completed. It’s basically the same here. Nothing but a “Thanks, bye!” afterwards? Not cool. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019.md?page=3)