# People who request help moving and offer no refreshments once job is complete - Faux paux or not? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 25, 2011, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019 "2011-08-25T10:41:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Ms.Hazel\_Ice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Ms.Hazel\_Ice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms.Hazel_Ice)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/81 "2011-08-28T00:11:38Z")
Although it’s not mandatory, it is the polite thing to do. When I last moved, some friends helped me move some awkward furniture. I took them out for ice cream since it was still in the afternoon. A month ago, I helped some friends move. Pizzas were ordered once we were finished. ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/82 "2011-08-28T00:12:19Z")
[quote=“Gary “Wombat” Robson, post:72, topic:594019”] Pizza & beer is the default; not sushi & sake, not tacos & tequila, not barbecue & bourbon. I’m not sure why. [/QUOTE] No cutlery or crockery required. Nothing to wash up afterwards. Ideal if you’ve just moved into a new house and the kitchen bits and pieces aren’t all in the proper place. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/83 "2011-08-28T01:08:24Z")
I took my friends to Applebees when they helped me move. Fuck, I wish I’d known I could’ve gotten away with beer! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/84 "2011-08-28T01:46:36Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > This happened to me a few years ago. > > My buddy (now ex-buddy) asked me to help him and his wife move. On Labor Day. ☹ Was a bit irked that I was going to give up a holiday away from my family to help him move, but did it anyway. > > My house, his old house, and his new house, were \*not \*close to each other; each was an hour’s drive from the other. I worked my ass off all day; I carried heavy furniture up and down stairs, moved big appliances, etc. I also put over 400 miles on my truck, which does \*not \*get good gas mileage. > > At the end of the day I was covered in sweat and dirt, and they offered me nothing – not even a glass of water. His wife did not even say “Thank you” to me; she carried next-to-nothing the entire day, and was bitching and complaining the whole time. My buddy managed to say “Thanks” as I was walking out the door to go home. Good God! That puts my tale in the shade. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/85 "2011-08-28T01:49:45Z")
Beer and pizza, always. Anything else would be uncivilized. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Feyrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/fbc32d/32.png) [@Feyrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feyrat)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/86 "2011-08-28T02:05:42Z")
[quote=“Gary “Wombat” Robson, post:78, topic:594019”] That’s why I am thinking of fried chicken. Even fewer choices than pizza, easy to eat with your hands, no sauce to drip on the new carpet. We always get in those big veggie vs. meat debates when we bring in pizza for a group. [/QUOTE] So uh… what do the vegetarians do with your big bucket of chicken?? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/87 "2011-08-28T02:11:06Z")
> [@jabiru](#): > > No cutlery or crockery required. Nothing to wash up afterwards. Ideal if you’ve just moved into a new house and the kitchen bits and pieces aren’t all in the proper place. No cutlery or crockery required for fried chicken, tacos, or any of a dozen other takeout foods, either. > [@Feyrat](#): > > So uh… what do the vegetarians do with your big bucket of chicken?? :eek: So far, that’s never been an issue. There are very, very few vegetarians in Montana, and I have never asked one to help me move (too scrawny, you know :D) The meat/vegetable debates I referred to were about what toppings to include. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/88 "2011-08-28T04:12:40Z")
> [@Feyrat](#): > > So uh… what do the vegetarians do with your big bucket of chicken?? :eek: Just eat the skin. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/89 "2011-08-28T10:40:07Z")
Are you kidding? That is so BAD that I can’t believe you all let her get away with it. And if it happened once before, why did you even lay yourself wide open to be treated like that again? If a person CAN find people willing to help them move, they should be groveling at their feet with thanks, drinks and chicken wings. If anyone out of my “gang” asked the others to help with the move and didn’t provide refreshments (maybe even entertainment) that person would be held down on the floor while somebody got their credit card and ordered up a humdinger of a spread… People treat you exactly how you let them. And, let her know that her behavior was unacceptable before she alienates the world. (Unless she’s planning on living there for the rest of her life.) ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/90 "2011-08-28T11:48:57Z")
When I moved last year into my house (first time homebuyer!), wonderful friends and family members graciously provided their help, even though it was a Saturday and it turned out to be the most hot and humid day all summer (and it was only June). I provided bagels and coffee/juice in the morning, kept the cooler stocked with water and soda throughout the morning, then my mom went and picked up the platter of sandwiches and veggie tray I had ordered (and prepaid) from the local grocery store. I’d also bought several bags of chips (we had four teenaged boys helping as well). I don’t drink, and can’t imagine sending off folks after partaking in alcohol, so beer was out (plus, one of my friends helping is a clean alcoholic). However, the water and soda went pretty quick. I couldn’t imagine having people help out and not providing them with food and drink. I would have loved to hire movers, but that simply wasn’t in the budget. Even with buying all the food to feed friends and renting the truck, it was no where near as expensive as hiring movers. Yeah, movers may be great, but only if the funds are there. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/91 "2011-08-28T17:15:31Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Just as out of curiosity as a point of modern etiquette, is it expected that the person being helped will offer refreshments to people helping you move, or is it entirely situational? Oh Hell Yes! When I last moved, I had already taken care of all of the small stuff (things that could be boxed and moved by one person) and only had large stuff like couch, bed, dresser, large desk, gun safe, etc. left to move. I rented a small U-Haul for transporting stuff, but enlisted lots of family for the move, and had a cooler full of cold beverages on-hand the whole time, and took them all out to Five Guys for lunch afterwards. I would say the exception is when the person being helped is in a tight spot financially, in which case I’m perfectly willing to help out gratis. But even if _I_ were the person “in the tight spot financially,” I’d still try to make it up to the people who helped me, even if I have to take a while to do it. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/92 "2011-08-28T18:07:04Z")
Food and drink, both during and afterwards, are the minimum expectations. I, too, have gotten roped into helping someone move, and showed up to find that they were not even packed. They hadn’t even gone so far as to have obtained boxes, bubble wrap, packing tape, etc., OR picked up the U-Haul. What was supposed to be a 2 to 3 hour assist turned into a 12-hour ordeal, during which they killed my car battery (by leaving the door open after running one of their many errands), continuously complained about how long everything was taking, and then made me and my then-bf pay for our own meal when we went out at the end of the day. I don’t speak to them anymore. ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/93 "2011-08-28T20:03:11Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > Food and drink, both during and afterwards, are the minimum expectations. > > I, too, have gotten roped into helping someone move, and showed up to find that they were not even packed. They hadn’t even gone so far as to have obtained boxes, bubble wrap, packing tape, etc., OR picked up the U-Haul. > > What was supposed to be a 2 to 3 hour assist turned into a 12-hour ordeal, during which they killed my car battery (by leaving the door open after running one of their many errands), continuously complained about how long everything was taking, and then made me and my then-bf pay for our own meal when we went out at the end of the day. > > I don’t speak to them anymore. I can see why-- any of those behaviors would have driven me nuts, but a combination of bad moving behavior in addition to complaints throughout the process would mean the end of a friendship, or at least of me helping them for any reason whatsoever. When we moved, I made sure folks were fed and adequately hydrated throughout the process; we were lucky to have a couple of friends help us pack some of the stuff onto the truck the night before, but it took many, many hours to get everything together and done. It actually took two trips because we didn’t get a big enough moving truck the first time. :smack::smack::smack: We still made an effort to keep those helping us fed and relatively happy during the process, and as soon as we had gotten to the house we’re in now, I ordered pizza, assuming that I wouldn’t be the only hungry person. It was worth it to not have to think too hard about the food for the first day. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/94 "2011-08-28T21:36:04Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > Honest to god, I consider asking for help moving to be a faux paux if someone has the financial resources to hire movers (Obviously, genuine need is different). Asking a friend with a truck to help you move one or two pieces of furniture? Fine, as long as it isn’t too often. Asking a bunch of adults to give up a whole Saturday working in the August heat? That’s “huge favor” territory, and one I think should stop (if at all possible) once people are all out of college and have full time jobs. Professional movers are surprisingly reasonable for in-town moves, especially if you move all the little stuff yourself and just have them do the big things. No food or drink is just insult to injury. Yep x 1000. ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/95 "2011-08-29T10:52:03Z")
Just another saying “Beer and Pizza”. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/96 "2011-08-29T11:14:33Z")
[quote=“Gary “Wombat” Robson, post:78, topic:594019”] We always get in those big veggie vs. meat debates when we bring in pizza for a group. [/QUOTE] When Middlebro moved (we also packed, but we knew about that in advance), the pizzas provided were Margarita, Meat-lover’s, BBQ, Veggie-lover’s and Peppers and Olives. The only one which lasted more than one meal was the last one. Fancy how it’s been more than five years and I still remember. Hey, you stupid brain, I need that space for serious stuff! ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019/97 "2011-08-29T14:13:54Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > It’s not tacky. It’s not a faux pas. It’s downright rude. > > OK, so you don’t hire movers. Whether it’s because you’re cheap or you’re poor you’re still calling on your friends for help. And they’re your friends, right? They’re doing you a favor. > So when you don’t offer anything in the way of refreshments during or food after what you’re saying to them is that you don’t see them as friends. You see them as either slave labor or dupes who you can take advantage of when it suits you. This. I wouldn’t bother helping this person again and I wouldn’t mind telling them so the next time they asked. I helped move a “friend” once who did something similar. Another friend who owned a truck and I showed up for what was supposed to be a couple of hours to move the guy and his girlfriend. They were going from a ground floor appartment to a third floor place. An easy load with a horrible unload. When we got to the new place the guy sent his girlfriend out for beer. She didn’t return so he went looking for her. The two of us chumps contuned working, doing almost all of the unloading, with neither of our “friends” there at all for hours. When we finished we waited around for until they returned - without any beer. We were, and still are, convinced the whole “go get beer” thing was staged to get both of them out of work and they were hoping we would just go away before they came back. These people went from friendly status to shit list in one day. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-request-help-moving-and-offer-no-refreshments-once-job-is-complete-faux-paux-or-not/594019.md?page=4)