# People Who Shout at Babies (i.e., my Hubby!) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 12, 2004, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458 "2004-12-12T15:30:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/21 "2004-12-12T17:47:17Z")
> [@Kel Varnsen - Latex Division](#): > > Fuck you. You asked for advice. If you don’t loke my advice don’t take it. There is no need to act like a jerk\*. > > \*Isn’t there a rule about this? I’d say that anyone advocating corporal punishment for a 10 month old is bound to elicit strong criticism. Extreme opinions will engender extreme comments. Deal with it. QtM, MD Who is appalled at the idea of inflicting pain on an infant not developmentally advanced enough to change their behavior appropriately in response. ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/22 "2004-12-12T17:47:41Z")
> [@Kel Varnsen - Latex Division](#): > > Fuck you. You asked for advice. If you don’t loke my advice don’t take it. There is no need to act like a jerk\*. > > \*Isn’t there a rule about this? Good question. Isn’t there? She asked for advice and clarity on her husband shouting at her kids. She didn’t ask someone if maybe instead of shouting at her 10 month olds, her husband should try hitting them instead. ---
**Author:** ![Chimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/23 "2004-12-12T17:55:40Z")
It just occured to me, is **Kel Varnsen** in fact [url=http://maddox.xmission.com/]Maddox\*\*? ---
**Author:** ![Chimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/24 "2004-12-12T17:56:58Z")
Fixed [link](http://maddox.xmission.com/) ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/25 "2004-12-12T17:58:30Z")
This whole thread was getting increasingly surreal until I realized that the thread title was not “People Who **Shoot** at Babies” but rather “People Who **Shout** at Babies” ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/26 "2004-12-12T19:10:33Z")
> [@Kel Varnsen - Latex Division](#): > > God knows what children are like that is why He tells parents to hit their children. It is an act of love. You can tell me to fuck off if you like, I really don’t care. But this stuff you’ve written is so bizarre it’s hilarious. I can’t possibly read this without laughing. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/27 "2004-12-12T20:24:34Z")
“You can’t go up to a _baby_, stick a big finger in its face, and go, ‘YOU SHUT UP! My ears hurt, you little bastard, _do shut up!!_’ No, I’ve found you _can’t_ do that, because all of a sudden _you’re_ the one with the _problem_…” - Elvira Kurt ---
**Author:** ![Spongemom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Spongemom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spongemom)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/28 "2004-12-12T20:44:00Z")
Kel Varnsen - Latex Division…were you abused as a child? That’s not an excuse, but it would come close to explaining exactly why you would see hitting an infant as proper punishment. My son was 2 before he got his first spanking, and it sure as hell wasn’t with any object. It was my hand on his diaper. He didn’t feel it, but it made him listen. Inflicting pain on a young child…the ONLY thing that accomplishes is making your child fear you. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like the idea of my child being afraid of me. Is that what drives you, other people being scared of you? That makes you a bully, not a parent. ---
**Author:** ![Kel\_Varnsen\_Latex\_Division](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@Kel\_Varnsen\_Latex\_Division](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kel_Varnsen_Latex_Division)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/29 "2004-12-12T20:46:26Z")
> [@Spongemom](#): > > Kel Varnsen - Latex Division…were you abused as a child? That’s not an excuse, but it would come close to explaining exactly why you would see hitting an infant as proper punishment. My son was 2 before he got his first spanking, and it sure as hell wasn’t with any object. It was my hand on his diaper. He didn’t feel it, but it made him listen. Inflicting pain on a young child…the ONLY thing that accomplishes is making your child fear you. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like the idea of my child being afraid of me. Is that what drives you, other people being scared of you? That makes you a bully, not a parent. You are a woman hitting your own child and I am the one with a problem? Lady, get a grip. ---
**Author:** ![Spongemom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Spongemom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spongemom)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/30 "2004-12-12T20:48:56Z")
> [@Kel Varnsen - Latex Division](#): > > You are a woman hitting your own child and I am the one with a problem? Lady, get a grip. I suggest you reread my post, go back and read yours, then make your comparisons. I swatted my son on the diaper, one time, and it didn’t hurt him at all. He actually laughed at me, but he did stop what he was doing. You are advocating the use of an object to hit a child with intent to cause physical pain. Who’s the one with the problem? ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/31 "2004-12-12T20:52:43Z")
Q: George Bernard Shaw once wrote, “It’s such a wonderful thing, what a crime to waste it on children.” What is it? A: A whipping The Paul Lynde school of Child Rearing. ---
**Author:** ![Kel\_Varnsen\_Latex\_Division](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@Kel\_Varnsen\_Latex\_Division](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kel_Varnsen_Latex_Division)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/32 "2004-12-12T21:13:32Z")
> [@Spongemom](#): > > I suggest you reread my post, go back and read yours, then make your comparisons. I swatted my son on the diaper, one time, and it didn’t hurt him at all. He actually laughed at me, but he did stop what he was doing. You are advocating the use of an object to hit a child with intent to cause physical pain. Who’s the one with the problem? Keeping telling yourself that. When your son grows up and has serious problems you will see how wrong you were. A child should cling to his mother’s breast; punishment should come from the father. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/33 "2004-12-12T21:19:53Z")
> [@Kel Varnsen - Latex Division](#): > > Keeping telling yourself that. When your son grows up and has serious problems you will see how wrong you were. A child should cling to his mother’s breast; punishment should come from the father. Wow. Just wow. I mean it. Holy fuck. ---
**Author:** ![Spongemom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Spongemom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spongemom)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/34 "2004-12-12T21:20:37Z")
> [@Kel Varnsen - Latex Division](#): > > Keeping telling yourself that. When your son grows up and has serious problems you will see how wrong you were. A child should cling to his mother’s breast; punishment should come from the father. So it’s a good thing if a child fears his father. I didn’t know that. I was scared to death of my father when I was little. That’s why I would rather be called to identify his body than speak to him. What about those children who don’t have a father around? Like my son, if his father was around today, his mother (me) would be dead. What happens then? Do I go find a stranger off the street to beat the crap out of him, so he knows that men are to be feared? I’m raising my son to be a respected and respectful person. He doesn’t get beaten with a rod, or any other object, and neither should any child. As for you…you child abusing waste of skin, I sincerely hope you never have children. And if you do, well, I truly feel sorry for them. I know what it’s like to grow up being abused. ---
**Author:** ![aurelian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f4b2a3/32.png) [@aurelian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aurelian)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/35 "2004-12-12T21:20:59Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **Kel** : > A child should cling to his mother’s breast; punishment should come from the father. YEAH!! That’s _just_ like I was raised, so by the time I was three I was so terrified of my father I didn’t even want to be in the same room with him, and when my mom would tell me to go kiss him goodnight, I would start sobbing. YEAH!! And when he would yell at me, I could feel physical pangs of pain in my chest and throat. WONDERFUL!! So that, when the child gets older, they still maintain a deep fear of male anger, and then can have all sorts of issues in their romantic relationships. Until I was about 22, I had recurring nightmares about my dad trying to kill me, physically hurt me…GREAT!! Oh, did I mention I haven’t spoken to my dad in four years? ---
**Author:** ![Kel\_Varnsen\_Latex\_Division](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@Kel\_Varnsen\_Latex\_Division](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kel_Varnsen_Latex_Division)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/36 "2004-12-12T21:23:38Z")
> [@aurelian](#): > > YEAH!! That’s _just_ like I was raised, so by the time I was three I was so terrified of my father I didn’t even want to be in the same room with him, and when my mom would tell me to go kiss him goodnight, I would start sobbing. YEAH!! And when he would yell at me, I could feel physical pangs of pain in my chest and throat. WONDERFUL!! So that, when the child gets older, they still maintain a deep fear of male anger, and then can have all sorts of issues in their romantic relationships. Until I was about 22, I had recurring nightmares about my dad trying to kill me, physically hurt me…GREAT!! > Oh, did I mention I haven’t spoken to my dad in four years? A Father’s punsihment should be like God’s of man - a **just** wrath. Your father’s wrath does not sound just. ---
**Author:** ![Spongemom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Spongemom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spongemom)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/37 "2004-12-12T21:26:48Z")
> [@Kel Varnsen - Latex Division](#): > > A Father’s punsihment should be like God’s of man - a **just** wrath. Your father’s wrath does not sound just. No “wrath” aimed at a child is ever “just”. It’s fear-inducing, and a child should NEVER be made to fear a parent. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/38 "2004-12-12T21:27:09Z")
> [@Kel Varnsen - Latex Division](#): > > Keeping telling yourself that. When your son grows up and has serious problems you will see how wrong you were. A child should cling to his mother’s breast; punishment should come from the father. My word, I’m sure my children would be relieved to hear that, as they only see their father every other weekend. :rolleyes: Good parenting comes from both sides, mother and father. You may not have noticed, but things have changed over the past few thousand years. We do things differently now. **Fessie** , toddlers are hard work. Twin toddlers… :eek: You have my sympathies. I’m sure your hubby is frustrated. It’s his first time doing this, too, and sounds like he doesn’t have too much in the way of experience with babies. Have you two managed to get out at all yet? Are you near your parents or his, so you can have an evening away? Sometimes a break really helps the tolerance levels. ---
**Author:** ![Kel\_Varnsen\_Latex\_Division](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@Kel\_Varnsen\_Latex\_Division](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kel_Varnsen_Latex_Division)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/39 "2004-12-12T21:27:29Z")
> [@](#): > > What about those children who don’t have a father around? Like my son, if his father was around today, his mother (me) would be dead. What happens then? Do I go find a stranger off the street to beat the crap out of him, so he knows that men are to be feared? Sounds like the child father is an abusive jerk. It is too bad for your child that you decided to have a child with a man like that. Your child will now have to suffer because of your bad choices. I feel sorry for your child if this is the case. Hopefully, you will be more careful with whom you choose to have children in the future. Men are not to be feared. They should be a source of **just** wrath and punishment. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2004, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458/40 "2004-12-12T21:27:33Z")
If he’s an animal lover, it might be helpful to talk about it in terms of dog-training. He doesn’t expect a dog to learn a command after one repetition, right? He doesn’t expect to yell at a puppy for chewing once and then have the pup never chew anything ever again, does he? Of course not, that would be unreasonable, especially for a very young puppy. You have to teach them, slowly and with lots of repetition, preferably with lots of positive reinforcement and very little negative reinforcement. Same with infants and toddlers. If he wouldn’t just scream at a dog, he shouldn’t just scream at the kids. That said, I can understand the screaming if he’s exhausted and frazzled and feeling like he just can’t take any more. It’s not nice, but it’s human. (And if his nerves are on edge, the howling sessions are almost certainly not helping. His comments about the neighbors thinking the kids are being beaten may just be his way of asking you to stop without screaming, “Shut up, shut up, shut uuuupppp!!! You’re driving me crazy with that racket!”) Daddy may need some time off before he’s got the emotional and psychological reserves needed to deal with the kids in a more constructive manner. While I can’t advocate much in the way of corporal punishment for kids that age, I think 10 months is old enough to understand having one’s hand smacked, and I don’t think it would be out of line to pop your son’s hand for hurting his sister. The sooner you can break him of hair pulling and such, the better, because it won’t be long at all before he’ll be able to inflict a fair amount of pain. And if he then moves on to pulling the hair of those with less patience and self-restraint, he could wind up in a mess. Pulling the hair of a bigger baby or toddler is liable to get him pushed, hit, or bitten in return, and pulling the hair of a dog or cat is liable to get him clawed or bitten, and what’s not such a big deal on an adult can be pretty dangerous for a small child. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-shout-at-babies-i-e-my-hubby/279458.md?page=3)