# People Who Won't Stop Talking to Their Kids When on the Phone with You **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 8, 2014, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108 "2014-08-08T13:55:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2014, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/1 "2014-08-08T13:55:44Z")
I have a friend I’ve known 20+ years who has become very difficult to keep in touch with because every time he calls, he spends about 20% of the time interacting with his 5-year-old son. Of course it’s natural for a kid to interrupt when he is not the center of attention, but my friend never makes even a mild attempt to discourage it. Worse yet, my friend will even interrupt himself to dole some completely unnecessary micromanagement out to the kid that does not relate to anything time-sensitive or dangerous, and makes zero attempt to keep these interactions brief. In person, he is also extremely controlling of the child, alternately hectoring and pandering to him and ultimately losing his temper over some minor infraction, but he does allow the kid to watch limitless television, which keeps him quiet and occupied for stretches of time, so he could surely start up a movie to make a phone call. I don’t live anywhere near them, so keeping in touch in person is out, and he does not use social media. I suppose I’ll just have to put this friendship on hold for the next decade or so, because he is not receptive to any suggestion that he could handle this differently. He seems to believe that being a good parent requires that the child must be the only priority, not just the foremost one. Has anyone else encountered this behavior? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2014, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/2 "2014-08-08T14:29:23Z")
So you’re getting 80% of his attention? Sounds like you’re winning. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2014, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/3 "2014-08-08T15:22:51Z")
Well, I don’t want the kid to lose! It’s not a competition, just his dad being rude and weird. I love the child and want him to have the best of everything. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2014, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/4 "2014-08-08T15:46:47Z")
You already tried asking him to modify his behavior, and he’s not willing. You can’t change him. Either resign yourself to putting up with it, put the friendship on hold, or drift apart gracefully and silently. I’ve lost a few friends who had kids while I remained childless. Priorities change as people change… and life goes on. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2014, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/5 "2014-08-08T15:51:16Z")
“How about you give me a call after junior’s in bed? We’ll talk then and both of us can relax.” Make plans to talk when the kid is at school, nap time or after he goes to bed. Does your friend work outside the home? Can you guys plan to talk on his lunch hour? ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2014, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/6 "2014-08-08T15:54:38Z")
I only speak on the phone regularly with two people: my wife, who has no kids, and my mother, who refuses to get off the phone with her kid while we’re talking until we hang up, when she’s pretty quick about it. ---
**Author:** ![Q.N.Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3da27b/32.png) [@Q.N.Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.N.Jones)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2014, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/7 "2014-08-08T16:07:46Z")
Yes, I have this experience with my best friend. She has 2 kids under age 4. One of them is now old enough to understand the concepts of “Mommy is busy” and “don’t interrupt unless it’s urgent.” She does these things for her dad, and the people at daycare…but my friend never teaches her daughter anything about respect for Mom. (In fact, she has a problem with her daughter kicking her to get attention, because my friend has never told her “You don’t kick Mommy, ever.”) Basically, you decide whether the friendship is worth it or not. I have. It’s a relatively small problem, and in a few more years, it will be over. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2014, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/8 "2014-08-08T17:53:01Z")
I have a 12 year old nephew that still constantly interrupts my sister while we’re talking on the phone. It’s so bad that he’ll stop playing and come park himself near where she’s sitting so he can follow the one-sided conversation and try and interject. She seems to understand that it’s rude and inappropriate, but also is apparently unwilling or unable to do anything about it. Each conversation with her includes at least one “I am on the phone, you are being quite rude. You know that it’s rude, we’ve talked about this before, and this behavior is unacceptable. Blah blah blah de blah” for at least 2 minutes. Why, no, we don’t talk on the phone much anymore, whyever do you ask? ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2014, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/9 "2014-08-08T17:54:37Z")
I could possibly change it given the opportunity to discuss it with him uninterrupted, but that does not seem likely, as any plans to talk when the kid is asleep or whatever just don’t happen. He seems only to call when communication is impaired. He kind of has to be doing it on purpose, but I don’t get why. We’ve been friends too long to stop now over something like this. He’s basically family. The problem could go on for quite a while, as he recently had another kid, and could even potentially add a third! ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2014, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/10 "2014-08-08T17:56:06Z")
> [@Queen\_Tonya](#): > > I have a 12 year old nephew that still constantly interrupts my sister while we’re talking on the phone. It’s so bad that he’ll stop playing and come park himself near where she’s sitting so he can follow the one-sided conversation and try and interject. She seems to understand that it’s rude and inappropriate, but also is apparently unwilling or unable to do anything about it. Each conversation with her includes at least one “I am on the phone, you are being quite rude. You know that it’s rude, we’ve talked about this before, and this behavior is unacceptable. Blah blah blah de blah” for at least 2 minutes. > > Why, no, we don’t talk on the phone much anymore, whyever do you ask? I can see a future like this, except without even the token unenforced request that he stop! ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2014, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/11 "2014-08-08T18:18:27Z")
You are not as important to these people as their kids are. Deal with it. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2014, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/12 "2014-08-08T18:47:25Z")
> [@njtt](#): > > You are not as important to these people as their kids are. Deal with it. Of course I do not expect or wish to be as important to anyone as their own child, so on my end, you are way off. Yet, I think you may be onto something. Some parents think this behavior is the logical extension of putting their children first. We aren’t quibbling over who gets the last space in the life raft or whether the parent should attend my 5K or their kid’s ballet recital. There is no need to choose one person’s well-being over another’s in the case of reducing interruptions on the phone. ---
**Author:** ![No\_umlaut\_for\_U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ea5d25/32.png) [@No\_umlaut\_for\_U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/No_umlaut_for_U)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2014, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/13 "2014-08-08T20:02:17Z")
Sounds like you need to say, “You seem busy. I’ll let you go now.” Then hang up. ---
**Author:** ![Q.N.Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3da27b/32.png) [@Q.N.Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.N.Jones)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2014, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/14 "2014-08-08T21:49:36Z")
> [@njtt](#): > > You are not as important to these people as their kids are. Deal with it. Nobody is asking to be more important than a person’s children. That is silly. One hopes to be treated with courtesy. I treat everyone with courtesy–salespeople, colleagues, etc.–so I certainly expect to be treated courteously by my friends, at least. It’s also good for kids to be taught how to be courteous, or they grow up into insufferable people. And parents need to learn to balance the demands of their kids with what it takes to maintain a friendship, because a lot of friends will not stick around if they are treated discourteously. ---
**Author:** ![Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emtar_KronJonDerSohn)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2014, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/15 "2014-08-08T22:28:20Z")
> [@No\_umlaut\_for\_U](#): > > Sounds like you need to say, “You seem busy. I’ll let you go now.” > Then hang up. This. When I am on the phone, I am just on the phone. I deliberately do not multitask at all. I am giving you my undivided attention and if you’re just rambling on halfassedly while carrying on a conversion with someone else which I am not a party to then you are wasting my time. “Sounds like you’re busy. Bye.” Click. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/16 "2014-08-09T02:41:16Z")
> [@No\_umlaut\_for\_U](#): > > Sounds like you need to say, “You seem busy. I’ll let you go now.” > Then hang up. Yes, I end up doing that sometimes, but I’m not looking to eliminate this person from my life. I don’t think he’s trying to be rude, but perhaps he has it set in his head that this is the way having a kid is “supposed” to go and everyone else should be supportive. He is pretty self-centered in general, so it would be unrealistic to expect him to spontaneously develop the ability to see anyone else’s point of view. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/17 "2014-08-09T02:50:14Z")
> [@Q.N.Jones](#): > > Nobody is asking to be more important than a person’s children. That is silly. One hopes to be treated with courtesy. I treat everyone with courtesy–salespeople, colleagues, etc.–so I certainly expect to be treated courteously by my friends, at least. > > It’s also good for kids to be taught how to be courteous, or they grow up into insufferable people. And parents need to learn to balance the demands of their kids with what it takes to maintain a friendship, because a lot of friends will not stick around if they are treated discourteously. Yes, and courtesy does not need to come at the kid’s expense. Being able to not be a pain in the ass is a valuable skill that can be put to immediate use by adults and kids alike. Of course my friend may parent however he sees fit with no interference from me, but being interrupted and forced to be a captive audience to someone actively grooming a mini-tyrant is grating. ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/18 "2014-08-09T13:39:05Z")
Yes I’ve encountered this. Is your friend talking you through how to disarm a bomb? If not then the problems of a five year old require more immediate attention then whatever you’re talking about. The big complaint I hear these days is how people will sit on their smart phones texting and facebooking while ignoring the people they are actually with. This is how that anti-social behavior is learned. You shut out a little kid while you’re on you’re big important grown-up phone calls, they shut you out when they are on their big important teenaged twitter. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/19 "2014-08-09T15:07:50Z")
> [@Aquadementia](#): > > Yes I’ve encountered this. > Is your friend talking you through how to disarm a bomb? If not then the problems of a five year old require more immediate attention then whatever you’re talking about. > > The big complaint I hear these days is how people will sit on their smart phones texting and facebooking while ignoring the people they are actually with. > This is how that anti-social behavior is learned. You shut out a little kid while you’re on you’re big important grown-up phone calls, they shut you out when they are on their big important teenaged twitter. I want to know more about this… 1. So unless something is actually going to blow up, all adult concerns must be put on hold whenever a five-year-old wants to speak. Why? At what age does this stop, or does it not stop and the critical factor is that it is your offspring? 2. I’m talking about a phone conversation, not Facebook or texting. If you live far away from someone, what is a better choice for keeping in touch? I agree that ignoring people you are with is rude and anti-social, but if you live with people, you are not normally expected to be socially engaged with them or waiting at the ready, are you? 3. Why is it “shut out” the kid or engage in extended conversation whenever the kid wants? Why reject any middle ground? ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2014, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108/20 "2014-08-09T15:17:16Z")
**AnaMen** , I’ve been in a similar situation, even when I’m actually _supposed_ to be the priority. It’s incredibly frustrating. It’s also incredibly frustrating when people reply as if the words you wrote are somehow completely different on their screens. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-who-wont-stop-talking-to-their-kids-when-on-the-phone-with-you/695108.md?page=2)