# Perfect Country Song **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 4, 2005, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-country-song/282964 "2005-01-04T03:14:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![flickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7bcc69/32.png) [@flickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flickster)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2005, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-country-song/282964/1 "2005-01-04T03:14:41Z")
Someone finally wrote the perfect country song: mms://tonwm.fplive.net/ton/music/300k/u\_e\_notorious\_itshard300.asf ---
**Author:** ![Reeder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2005, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-country-song/282964/2 "2005-01-04T03:26:28Z")
I think you are right! That’s frigging hilarious. Move over Johnny Paycheck. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2005, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-country-song/282964/3 "2005-01-04T03:47:41Z")
That’s obviously not the perfect country song, because it doesn’t say anything about Momma…or trains…or trucks…or prison…or getting drunk. ---
**Author:** ![lost\_in\_the\_post](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/50afbb/32.png) [@lost\_in\_the\_post](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost_in_the_post)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2005, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-country-song/282964/4 "2005-01-04T04:34:14Z")
Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2005, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-country-song/282964/5 "2005-01-04T04:34:44Z")
Johnny Paycheck? Don’t you mean David Allen Coe? It’s a shame that Vince Gill and Rodney Crowell, who really are two outstanding musicians and songwriters, whould write such an insipid song. And why is Vince Gill in drag? Sure it’s supposed to be funny; but it reeks. The Houston Kid should know better. ---
**Author:** ![Jurph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/50afbb/32.png) [@Jurph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurph)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2005, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-country-song/282964/6 "2005-01-04T04:59:36Z")
> [@Kat](#): > > That’s obviously not the perfect country song, because it doesn’t say anything about Momma…or trains…or trucks…or prison…or getting drunk. Well, he sat down and wrote another verse to this song, and he sent it to me. And after reading it, I realized that my friend had written the perfect country and western song. And I felt obliged to include it on this album. The last verse goes like this here: _Well I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison and I went to pick her up in the rain, but before I could get to the station in the pickup truck, she got runned over by the damned old train._ There you go, darlin’. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2005, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-country-song/282964/7 "2005-01-04T05:17:09Z")
I like Steve Goodman’s version better: \ Well, we got to this part we realized that we left out mother, farms, prison, trucks, trains, getting drunk (thanks to Coe), big holidays like Christmas and dead dogs like Old Shep. And with all due respect, you can’t have a good country song without mother farms prisons trucks trains, gettting drunk, big holidays and dead dogs. So here’s the last verse: \ - Well since the dog got drunk and died, And Momma went to prison, Nothing 'round this farm has been the same, And God, you know, when mom broke out last Christmas, She drove a getaway laundry truck right into a train. And I’m gonna hang around as long as you will let me, And I never minded standin’ in the rain, You don’t have to call me Darlin’, Darlin. But you never even called me by my name. \* ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2005, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-country-song/282964/8 "2005-01-04T05:35:21Z")
I always considered this song to be the perfect country song. It’s another DAC creation. [http://www.thesonglyrics.com/c\_song\_lyrics/coedavidallen\_lyric2.html](http://www.thesonglyrics.com/c_song_lyrics/coedavidallen_lyric2.html) “If that ain’t country, I’ll kiss your ass.” ---
**Author:** ![flickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7bcc69/32.png) [@flickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flickster)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2005, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-country-song/282964/9 "2005-01-04T05:41:21Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > Johnny Paycheck? Don’t you mean David Allen Coe? It’s a shame that Vince Gill and Rodney Crowell, who really are two outstanding musicians and songwriters, whould write such an insipid song. And why is Vince Gill in drag? Sure it’s supposed to be funny; but it reeks. The Houston Kid should know better. I thought Rodney & Vince were taking turns in the drag role. ---
**Author:** ![Reeder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2005, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-country-song/282964/10 "2005-01-04T05:42:27Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > Johnny Paycheck? Don’t you mean David Allen Coe? It’s a shame that Vince Gill and Rodney Crowell, who really are two outstanding musicians and songwriters, whould write such an insipid song. And why is Vince Gill in drag? Sure it’s supposed to be funny; but it reeks. The Houston Kid should know better. Yes I did mean David Allen Coe. My bad. But it doesn’t reek. Don’t tell me you didn’t laugh. It worked. ---
**Author:** ![flickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7bcc69/32.png) [@flickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flickster)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2005, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-country-song/282964/11 "2005-01-04T05:49:47Z")
Let’s all sing now "It’s hard to kiss the lips at night that chewed your ass out all day long All day longggggg All day longgggg" 😃😃😃 ---
**Author:** ![N9IWP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/n9iwp/32/3154_2.png) [@N9IWP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N9IWP)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2005, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-country-song/282964/12 "2005-01-04T12:50:21Z")
My favorite country cliche is “My wife left me, stole my truck and ran over my dog backing out of the driveway” Brian