# Perfect someone for everyone??? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [May 21, 2002, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-someone-for-everyone/110182 "2002-05-21T21:28:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/2bfe46/32.png) [@Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xavier)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2002, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-someone-for-everyone/110182/21 "2002-05-22T18:01:13Z")
> [@](#): > > **Manda JO** : Yeah? What about the time you didn’t go up to that kid in elementary school and so avoided picking up the germ that would have given you fatal pnumonia? Or the times you went back in the house to make sure the over was off, and so avoided getting T-boned by the teenager running a red light? Or the time you got up and went to the restroom right as an Amway salesman was decending on you, so you missed a life of bounceing between various multi-level marketing scams? The “could-have-been” that could have been could have been the “could have been” where you got hit by a truck. 😃 LOL. Yeah, I know. You’re right. Thanks, this actually made me laugh loudest all day. > [@](#): > > The problem with the "soulmate: idea is that people decide early on, in the first rush of amazing discovery and emotion, that they are “soulmates”, and after that, the relationship is not about choice, it’s about obligation: this persoin is yoursoulmate, yourone and only, the person you are destined to be with. And so you can’t leave, no matter what: they are the only one you will ever have, your one chance at happiness. I guess so too. It’s just that I _know_ just how hard a relationship can be to keep up with. I keep thinking that maybe the girl I’m chasing is the only one for me (I know there are other possibilities - and I’m fully aware of that - but I think the culturally inspired romantic inclination in me jumps starts me into thinkin she’s the gal I’m _most_ happy with). But yeah, I see your point. > [@](#): > > After considerable soul-searching, I have decided that some people are just easier matches than other people. There is no value attached to this: it dosen’t make anyone better or worse or “average” or “normal” or anything like that. It’s just some people really, truly enjoy the company of lots and lots of different types of people, and happen to have personalities that many different types of people enjoy being around. They meet more potential partners, and so hook up more. It’s just the way it is. But even the “diffucult fits” usually meet people eventually. Common sense again, I suppose. I really have to stop listening to country music. > [@](#): > > **Eve:** [Eve Arden voice] Mr. Right? Hell, I never even found Mr. Partially Correct for Half Credit. [/Eve Arden voice] 😛 > [@](#): > > **gex gex:** Love is friendship with fucking. People fall in love, think they’ve found the greatest person ever, then they break up and it wasn’t really ‘the one’ after all. ‘The one’ is the person whom you haven’t broken up with yet. I mean, we’re made to want to fuck, right? If we didn’t have our brains fooling us into believing that this person we’re fucking is the only person we ever want to fuck again, then we could never trick ourselves into thinking that fucking is meaningful, which would fuck things right up. Fuck. > > Fall in love all you want. Maybe it will even last. But don’t pretend it’s fate or destiny or the perfect person for you, aren’t you lucky you found her? Zen. > [@](#): > > **Lorenzo:** I think the key is to find someone you love and respect, do the work to make it work and don’t worry too much about if there might be someone better for you out there. I guess I’m just finding parts 1 and 2 very difficult at the moment. Thanks for the replies though guys. Maybe the SDMB _is_ the wisest “bar” this side of Detroit. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2002, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-someone-for-everyone/110182/22 "2002-05-22T18:15:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Xavier \* > > > [@](#): > > > > Why believe in Fate when you can make your own? > > Please expand on this. It’s more on what I wanna hear. You think it’s possible - or does “luck” once again play an inevitable part? To keep it short, I don’t believe in fate, destiny, god(s), or “one true loves.” Instead of sitting around the house pining for the Perfect Other to fall into your life, it’s far better to go out there, meet people, and find someone you enjoy being with. If your requirements for a good mate aren’t unreasonable, you’ll find someone – after all, statistically speaking, you’re sure to find a “good fit” or a “very good fit” long before you find an “absolutely perfect fit”. And that will give you and your “Good Fit” more time together, instead of wasting it pining for a Perfect Match. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Svinlesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/22d042/32.png) [@Mr.Svinlesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Svinlesha)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2002, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-someone-for-everyone/110182/23 "2002-05-22T19:36:30Z")
**X** : Hmmm…you’re sounding pretty blue, dude. Bummer. > [@](#): > > \*\* Do you guys at the SDMB believe in fate when it comes to meeting that somebody special? Do you really believe that there is a perfect match for everyone? \*\* Well, I don’t think you’re going to like my answer, but I’ll just give it to you straight. No, I don’t think that there is a perfect match for everyone. In fact, I doubt that there is even an imperfect match for everyone. Some people are, unfortunately, simply slated to go it alone in life. I know several myself, and I find it very tragic. There are absolutely no guarantees regarding this, and it is my opinion – quite possibly wrong, but anyway – that in addition, _ **there is absolutely nothing one can do to change one’s situation** _. Finding a mate is completely random, and even if you try your damndest, you can’t force a relationship to materialize when it doesn’t exist. I know that sounds rather pessimistic, but it is my experience. > [@](#): > > \*\* But what are the chances that you find that person? I mean, they could be on the other side of the world. You’d have to cross oceans to find them.\*\* I _have_, actually, crossed an ocean to be with someone that I met at random while vacationing far away from home. While it has arguably been very good for me to “live abroad,” that first relationship here in the Great White North was a complete, total, and absolute disaster of the first order – the sort of thing one generally sees only in catastrophe films like “_The Towering Inferno_,” and shit. Or better yet, “_The Poseidon Adventure._” I even thought she was “the one.” > [@](#): > > \*\*\* How do you ever know ?\*\*\* Don’t worry about that, on the other hand. If and when you do meet the right one, _ **you know** _. It’s kinda like knowing how to breathe. > [@](#): > > \*\* I’d also like to ask people who are in relationships (where they think/believe that they are with thier soulmates) to stop and consider what thier lives would be like if they had not met the person they are with. Does that ever make you wonder? Do you feel like you’re special/lucky?\*\* Are you kidding me? I shudder to think what my life would be like now, if I hadn’t gotten lucky. And believe me, I feel lucky, lucky, lucky. Like I won a lottery or something. I went several years without meeting anybody. I stuck to my guns, and simply maintained my integrity in the face of adversity, to the best of my ability. I finally came to the conclusion that I wasn’t ever going to find another – that it was my fate to go it alone. I looked upon it as a kind of handicap – I figured, “Hey, it could be worse. At least I can walk.” I simply tried to accept the fact that life is imperfect, and that it does not give us everything we want, or even everything we need. I wasn’t exactly happy about it, but I scraped by. Then I met my SO, and everything turned around for me. I’m only half a person without her, and she makes me whole. I’ve never been so happy in my life, I mean, its totally ridiculous how happy I am. And you better believe I feel blessed. And best of all is – _she’s not even perfect!_ Thank God! [sub](On the other hand, she’s a hell of a lot better than I deserve!)[/sub] 😉 So keep the chin up, **X** : you never know. It could happen to you too! (I’ll keep my fingers crossed). 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2002, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-someone-for-everyone/110182/24 "2002-05-22T19:47:36Z")
Here is another problem with the idea of “soulmates”. I will use an example from my own personal experiences to illustrate my point. When I was in high school, I fell in love with a girl. Due to my own crippling feelings of self doubt and loathing, I never told her how I felt. I feared that she wouldn’t feel the same way and that if I told her, she wouldn’t be my friend anymore and I figured that something was better than nothing. The summer after 10th grade her family moved to Europe and we lost contact. I still haven’t felt quite the same about anyone since, and for a long time I thought I had lost my one and only soulmate. Needless to say, it’s been a long, lonely time for me since then. Does anyone really want to believe that there is only one person out there for him/her? If that’s the case, what if you never meet this person? Or worse yet, what if you meet them and screw it up? I have to believe that I have another chance at happiness, and Xavier, so do you. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2002, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-someone-for-everyone/110182/25 "2002-05-22T19:54:37Z")
I definitely found my “perfect person”. Edlyn is forgiving and kind and gentle and patient and all those things that you expect from perfection. But above all, she loves me as I am, and Lord knows that I’m a mess. ---
**Author:** ![Edlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8797f3/32.png) [@Edlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edlyn)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2002, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-someone-for-everyone/110182/26 "2002-05-23T02:16:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Xavier \* > Do you guys at the SDMB believe in fate when it comes to meeting that somebody special? Do you really believe that there is a perfect match for everyone? > > I mean, there’s got to be, right? Somebody that, if not perfectly, you are _best_ suited to be with? Yes, I do. But I also think that you’ll meet those whom you should avoid a relationship with. In your heart, you’ll know which is which. > [@](#): > > But what are the chances that you find that person? I mean, they could be on the other side of the world. You’d have to cross oceans to find them. _How do you ever know_ ? I didn’t trust my judgement, so I let go and gave it to Him. Libertarian (who lived halfway across the country from me) entered my life via the Internet. > [@](#): > > I’d also like to ask people who are in relationships (where they think/believe that they are with thier soulmates) to stop and consider what thier lives would be like if they had not met the person they are with. Does that ever make you wonder? Do you feel like you’re special/lucky? I never wonder about that because I placed it in His hands. And, yes, I feel blessed every day to be sharing my life with such a special, wonderful man. I treasure every moment with Libertarian. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perfect-someone-for-everyone/110182.md?page=1)