# Perplexed Police Probe Pervert's Panty Pile **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 5, 2011, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269 "2011-09-05T14:36:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/41 "2011-09-06T13:17:19Z")
Yes, it’s “tighty whities” although I for one am glad to have had this insight into **AClockworkMelon** ’s level of personal hygiene. (Are tighty whities really extinct? I had no idea.) ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/42 "2011-09-06T14:11:42Z")
Now, now, no more knocking noggins over the naming of knickers. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/43 "2011-09-06T14:25:57Z")
I apologize to my family, my country and, most importantly, the members of this board for having been using the wrong name for tighty whities all this time. > [@MsWhatsit](#): > > (Are tighty whities really extinct? I had no idea.) Yes. Well, maybe not among old people… but I’ve been wearing boxers since I was a little tot and all the guys I know wear either boxers or magic underwear. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/44 "2011-09-06T14:28:42Z")
“Magic underwear”? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/45 "2011-09-06T14:31:19Z")
> [@ugly ripe tomato](#): > > “Magic underwear”? I have Mormon friends. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/46 "2011-09-06T14:36:53Z")
Oh, ok. I never knew what it was called. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/47 "2011-09-06T14:39:09Z")
Be sure to let any Mormons you meet know that you know about the magic underwear! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Teacake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Teacake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teacake)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/48 "2011-09-06T20:57:02Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Huh? Then what do you call male panties? Underwear? But that could include an undershirt. Only you can assume it doesn’t, because then you could just say ‘undershirt.’ Or ‘bra.’ Problem solved. (Unless you’re in the UK.) Wait, what? How is this not true in the UK? (Not annoyed, puzzled.) The only thing is that we would generally call an undershirt a vest, but not always. Generally people here call everything pants, unless they name the exact model (like boxers or string). If I heard a grown woman refer to her undergarments as panties, I’d think she was the type who puts on a little-girl voice and acts useless around men, and not really someone I was going to get on with. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/49 "2011-09-06T21:14:08Z")
I feel weird saying “panties”, but that’s just my bizarre hangup. Whenever I say the word “panties”, I feel like I should be breathing heavily into a phone and asking, “What color are your panties?” I have no idea why that assocaition sticks out in my mind, as I’ve never made or received such a call. Maybe I saw this in a movie at an impressionable age or something. There’s nothing objectively wrong with the word “panties”, as far as I am concerned, but I still default to referring to my wife’s panties as “undies”. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/50 "2011-09-06T21:29:38Z")
An old-fashioned but useful word for female nether/undergarments is “step-ins”. I sometimes refer to them as “ankle-insulators”, but then my wife hits me. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/51 "2011-09-06T22:26:31Z")
For all those wincing over the term “panties”, you will most certainly not like “The Prince’s Panties”, a song by Mason Williams: \*He had dogs, a hundred cocker spaniels and he Called them panties, 'cause they did that mostly, and he Did not care at all if they would bark and fetch sticks Run and jump, roll over, and play dead tricks No, he liked them only for their panting So he would run them ragged, but one day they got fed up And chased the prince right up against the fence And the prince was eaten by his panties\* This song appeared on the same album as “Classical Gas” but has been mostly forgotten for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/52 "2011-09-06T22:44:46Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > Can we go back to talking about how awesome a term “feminine crotch restraint device” is? > > . . . > > Surely when we put our minds together for good and not being stupid, we can come up with some more sweet one-liners. It reminds me of corporate-speak, and perhaps should be treated accordingly. So… “For our new line of feminine crotch restraint devices, we tasked Marketing with the challenge of surveying our chosen demographic; and from the results obtained from the consequent focus-group testing, which were compared against industry-standard benchmarks using understood and accepted metrics, we concluded that a modification to include some aesthetically-pleasing yet non-functional openwork fabric will result in an integrated solution delivering greater personal satisfaction to the user, which we can leverage into increased sales on a going-forward basis.” “Okay, so you spent a lot of time and money to find out that we’ll sell more if we add lace trim.” ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/53 "2011-09-06T23:32:50Z")
> [@ugly ripe tomato](#): > > I guess this is the ??? before Profit. Win. ---
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/54 "2011-09-07T01:33:45Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > 1630 panties. 10 trash bags? > 163 panties per bag? I’m thinking a big trash bag could hold more than 163 panties. They compact fairly well. Maybe they were they granny panties? Or maybe they used ‘kitchen’ trash bags? Quoth the article: “The panties range from a children’s size 2 to extra-large granny-sized ones, with sizes for teens and adult women in between.” ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/55 "2011-09-07T01:38:22Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > It reminds me of corporate-speak, and perhaps should be treated accordingly. So… > > “For our new line of feminine crotch restraint devices, we tasked Marketing with the challenge of surveying our chosen demographic; and from the results obtained from the consequent focus-group testing, which were compared against industry-standard benchmarks using understood and accepted metrics, we concluded that a modification to include some aesthetically-pleasing yet non-functional openwork fabric will result in an integrated solution delivering greater personal satisfaction to the user, which we can leverage into increased sales on a going-forward basis.” I said one-liners! Damn corporate jargon, I guess that’s probably as close to a one-liner as those suits can give me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/56 "2011-09-07T03:11:47Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > “Okay, so you spent a lot of time and money to find out that we’ll sell more if we add lace trim.” Trim sells. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/57 "2011-09-07T05:06:50Z")
Hankie. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/58 "2011-09-07T07:28:32Z")
I have rarely heard such wisdom [from the mouth of a civil authority](http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/09/01/ap/strange/main20100585.shtml): > [@](#): > > We’re just looking at it like somebody has done this and we want to find out who done it. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/59 "2011-09-07T18:20:35Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > “Underpants” actually sounds more juvenile to me than “panties.” Indeed: “I see England, I see France…” > [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I apologize to my family, my country and, most importantly, the members of this board for having been using the wrong name for tighty whities all this time. We’ll forgive you, as long as you’re not also one of those people who says “pedal to the medal” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2011, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269/60 "2011-09-07T19:50:40Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I have rarely heard such wisdom [from the mouth of a civil authority](http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/09/01/ap/strange/main20100585.shtml): > We’re just looking at it like somebody has done this and we want to find out who done it. Ah, I see that they’ve ruled out the possibility that it was a spontaneous panty swarm, then. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/perplexed-police-probe-perverts-panty-pile/595269.md?page=4)