# Personal ad cliche: "No head games" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 14, 2008, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ad-cliche-no-head-games/459920 "2008-08-14T00:57:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2008, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ad-cliche-no-head-games/459920/21 "2008-08-14T23:55:12Z")
[QUOTE=zeno] I see this frequently, but mostly from women. I understand the sort of games they’re talking about, but women play head games too; yet men rarely specify “no head games” in the women they seek. [/QUOTE] I’ve actually seen plenty of M4W online profiles that say “no games”/“not into games”. I personally used [match.com](http://match.com), where I saw this quite often, and I’m almost positive I’ve seen it on ‘critique my okcupid profile’ requests posted here. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ad-cliche-no-head-games/459920/22 "2008-08-15T00:08:44Z")
Who _is_ into head games, really? I mean, are there actually people out there who really are looking for someone to emotionally manipulate them, make them doubt themselves and hurt their self-esteem, and wind up little more than their puppet? ---
**Author:** ![CaerieD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@CaerieD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaerieD)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ad-cliche-no-head-games/459920/23 "2008-08-15T00:13:00Z")
That sounds really, really hot, **Bosstone**. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ad-cliche-no-head-games/459920/24 "2008-08-15T00:45:34Z")
> [@appleciders](#): > > Also, never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line! I never understood this, was it just supposed to be a joke when he said it, or is there some deeper meaning? The only thing I can come up with is the “playing chess with Death” trope, saying “don’t go up against a Sicilian defense” in reference to it. Or am I just totally overthinking everything? [QUOTE=Bosstone] Who _is_ into head games, really? I mean, are there actually people out there who really are looking for someone to emotionally manipulate them, make them doubt themselves and hurt their self-esteem, and wind up little more than their puppet? [/QUOTE] > **[Journal 5](https://xkcd.com/433/)** The main people into head games are the people who enjoy playing REVERSE head games, it’s like the romantic version of chess. 😛 (I swear the fact I used chess in both of these replies is entirely coincidental) ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ad-cliche-no-head-games/459920/25 "2008-08-15T01:03:57Z")
[QUOTE=Ponch8] Some other boring cliches include “loves to laugh,” “family and friends are very important to me,” and “love to travel.” [/QUOTE] My favorite is “quiet times”; I’ve seen numerous ads which are just stale cliches from start to finish. I mean, really, why not put some fucking effort into the ad, to, you know, stand out from the crowd and get noticed or something? Why should I put myself through the effort to respond if you obviously didn’t when composing your ad? ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ad-cliche-no-head-games/459920/26 "2008-08-15T01:24:32Z")
[QUOTE=CaerieD] That sounds really, really hot, **Bosstone**. [/QUOTE] …So how you doing? 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ad-cliche-no-head-games/459920/27 "2008-08-15T01:52:45Z")
[QUOTE=John DiFool] My favorite is “quiet times”; I’ve seen numerous ads which are just stale cliches from start to finish. I mean, really, why not put some fucking effort into the ad, to, you know, stand out from the crowd and get noticed or something? Why should I put myself through the effort to respond if you obviously didn’t when composing your ad? [/QUOTE] Because most people quite honestly don’t know the truth about themselves. No, I’m serious. A consciousness of one’s own self is a surprisingly rare trait. A lot of the people who write those ads simply don’t know much about themselves, or if they have some vague notion of what they’re like, it’s difficult for themto verbalize it. So they fall back on cliches that sounds positive. After all, if you’re trying to attract a romantic partner, and you can’t define yourself in words, why not fall back on romantic cliches? Last year I was laid off from my job. Part of my severance package was three months of unlimited service from an outplacement/career counselling firm. I already had solid job prospects lined up (I sort of engineered being part of the layoffs) but I went to the classes in the meantime because, hey, cover your bases, right? Many of the classes had other people from my company who’d been laid off. In the course of preparing resumes and stuff, I was shocked at how many people I knew who didn’t have a damned clue what their own personalities and strengths were. One lady, who I’ll call Lisa and who is a really nice lady, absolutely refused to accept the results of her personality test (it was something more scientific and stringent than a Myers-Briggs but I don’t recall what it was) despite the fact that it clearly described her to a T. When putting together her resume she couldn’t verbalize anything she was good at; she simply didn’t know. This is a woman who’d worked as a professional for years. She wasn’t retarded. Other people in the class had similar thoughts. The other story I remember, more immediately relevant, is my wife’s best friend, who I’ll call Laura. Laura was single for a long time, which we found frustrating and inexplicable - she’s attractive, nice, smart, and saddled with no weird issues. One day I told her I’d sign her up on eharmony, just to get her a damned date, and I ran through the questions with her. I had to give up, though, because her answers to half the questions were just absurd. She characterized herself as being “spontaneous” despite the fact that she is - and I assure you my opinion is shared by every person in the entire world who knows her - the LEAST spontaneous person you could possibly be and still have a pulse. That was the most glaring one, but there were dozens of others, and it became apparent she was just answering whatever sounded good to her at the time. (I am happy to report that some time after this, she and a guy she worked with fell in love and are still together after two years.) There a reason the Forer Effect is such a strong one; people don’t know anything about themselves. They don’t know their weaknesses, and quite often don’t know their strengths. They’re not going to get their ads right because they don’t know the product they’re advertising. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ad-cliche-no-head-games/459920/28 "2008-08-15T10:59:39Z")
[QUOTE=Jragon] I never understood this, was it just supposed to be a joke when he said it, or is there some deeper meaning? The only thing I can come up with is the “playing chess with Death” trope, saying “don’t go up against a Sicilian defense” in reference to it. Or am I just totally overthinking everything?) [/QUOTE] I think it was just Vizzini indulging in a little nationalistic fervour thinking he’d just pwned Westley. “I’m Sicilian and therefore far too smart for you, who are not!”. ---
**Author:** ![Ichbin\_Dubist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/51bf81/32.png) [@Ichbin\_Dubist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ichbin_Dubist)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ad-cliche-no-head-games/459920/29 "2008-08-15T11:53:59Z")
[QUOTE=Bosstone] Who _is_ into head games, really? I mean, are there actually people out there who really are looking for someone to emotionally manipulate them, make them doubt themselves and hurt their self-esteem, and wind up little more than their puppet? [/QUOTE] And why would saying “no head games” stop a person who likes to play head games? “Gee, I love to manipulate the gullible, but you’ve parried my move. I will find someone else not so head-games averse.” ---
**Author:** ![mudkicker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@mudkicker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mudkicker)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ad-cliche-no-head-games/459920/30 "2008-08-15T12:05:28Z")
Hmm, I dunno. I’ve been on Plenty of Fish a bit, and find that a lot of the guys there also say something like ‘no head games’. And I agree that a lot of the time it’s used, and often by women, that it could just mean ‘I want someone to do exactly what I say, all the time, and if they express an opinion of their own then they’re controlling’. But not always though. I’ve had loads of great relationships, but also one very messy one with a controlling guy, and I’m much more wary now of potential red flags. Everyone’s MMV of course. Totally agree with RickJay though that if someone puts that in an ad I stay clear, and I don’t put it in my own ads. Yes, you may have been hurt in the past - I certainly have been - but if you feel the need to mention it in a 100 word description then it’s clearly still a big deal. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ad-cliche-no-head-games/459920/31 "2008-08-15T15:02:02Z")
I thought it just meant they don’t want someone who’s going to wait seven days to call them back, or go out on a date then drop off the earth (rather than telling them it won’t work). Of course, what someone _thinks_ they want and what they _actually_ want… ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ad-cliche-no-head-games/459920/32 "2008-08-15T17:09:28Z")
[QUOTE=Sleeps With Butterflies] I’m sorry, I can’t quite make out what you’ve typed there… I’m drinking wine by candlelight. [/QUOTE] So, you’re a lush who spent the money for the electric bill on booze? ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ad-cliche-no-head-games/459920/33 "2008-08-15T17:15:18Z")
[QUOTE=Bosstone] Who _is_ into head games, really? I mean, are there actually people out there who really are looking for someone to emotionally manipulate them, make them doubt themselves and hurt their self-esteem, and wind up little more than their puppet? [/QUOTE] Wow. You seem to just harp on the negatives. There are plenty of _positive_ head games, ya know. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ad-cliche-no-head-games/459920/34 "2008-08-15T17:37:20Z")
[QUOTE=vetbridge] Wow. You seem to just harp on the negatives. There are plenty of _positive_ head games, ya know. [/QUOTE] Well, I do enjoy a rousing game of _Jeopardy!_. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ad-cliche-no-head-games/459920/35 "2008-08-15T18:03:34Z")
I think this is their way of saying, “look…I’m not looking to be friends, fuck buddies or part of a harem. I’m looking for a serious relationship. If you’re not, don’t answer the ad. And if you decide down the road that you’re not all that into me, don’t lie to me.” It’s shorthand. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ad-cliche-no-head-games/459920.md?page=1)