# Personal Ads: Translations **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 6, 2001, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads-translations/71459 "2001-07-06T05:44:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 1\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads-translations/71459/1 "2001-07-06T05:44:30Z")
What women say and what they mean: Adventurer: Has had more partners than you ever will Affectionate: Possessive Artist: Unreliable Athletic: Flat chested Average Looking: Ugly Beautiful: Pathological liar Commitment-minded: Pick out curtains, now! Communication important: Just try to get a word in edgewise Contagious Smile: Bring your penicillin Educated: College dropout Emotionally Secure: Medicated Employed: Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home Enjoys art and opera: Snob Enjoys Nature: Bring your own granola Exotic Beauty: Would frighten a Martian Feminist: Ball buster Financially Secure: One paycheck from the street Free spirit: Substance user Friendship first: Trying to live down reputation as slut Fun: Annoying Gentle: Comatose Good Listener: Borderline Autistic Humorous: Caustic Intuitive: Your opinion doesn’t count In Transition: Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills Light drinker: Lush Looks younger: If viewed from far away in bad light Loves Travel: If you’re paying Loves Animals: Cat lady New-Age: All body hair, all the time Non-traditional: Ex-husband lives in the basement Old-fashioned: Lights out, missionary position Open-minded: Desperate Outgoing: Loud Passionate: Loud Petite: Can’t find her in a crowd Poet: Depressive Schizophrenic Professional: Bitch Redhead: Shops on the Clairol aisle Reliable: Frumpy Romantic: Looks better by candle light Self-employed: Jobless Smart: Insipid Special: Rode the short schoolbus Spiritual: Involved with a cult Stable: Boring Tall, thin: Anorexic Tan: Wrinkled Wants Soulmate: One step away from stalking Writer: Pompous Young at heart: Toothless crone What Men say and what they mean: Affectionate: Needy and looking for mother-figure Artist: Delicate ego badly in need of massage Athletic: Sits on the couch and watches ESPN Average: looking Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, and back Distinguished-looking: Fat, grey, and bald. Educated: Will always treat you like an idiot Employed: On management track at Radio Shack Financially Secure: I will spend some money on you, in return for which I will expect you to my every whim for the duration of your mortal life Free Spirit: Sleeps with your sister Friendship first: As long as friendship involves nudity Fun: Good with a remote and a six pack Good looking: Arrogant bastard Honest: Pathological Liar Huggable: Overweight, more body hair than Gentle Ben ISO Slim, attractive: Would be better off with a labrador retriever Light drinker: Headed for AA Like to cuddle: Insecure, overly dependent Like romantic walks: I read Cosmo and think this is what you want to hear Mature: Until you get to know him Open-minded: Wants to sleep with your sister but she’s not interested Physically fit: I spend a lot of time in front of mirrors admiring myself Poet: Once wrote on a bathroom stall while constipated Professional: Owns a white button down Reliable: Shows up on time–give or take 3 hours Self-employed: Same as for women and eats nachos all weekend Sensitive: Needy Smart: Thinks Cheers is “the wittiest show ever on TV” Spiritual: Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Stable: Occasional stalker, but never arrested Thoughtful: Says “Please” when demanding a beer Virile: Can read 3 Penthouse Forums without passing out