# Personal Ads **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 17, 2002, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437 "2002-07-17T16:43:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/1 "2002-07-17T16:43:06Z")
I’ve been enamored with personal ads since I was in Junior High. Each Sunday morning, after reading the comics, I always flipped through the classified ads to read the personals (the only day they had them in my paper). Some were pathetic. Some were sexy. Some were frightening to the extreme. I’m happily married now, but I still browse through the personals. Not looking for someone else, mind you. Just out of curiousity. That said, my wife and I often debated what our own flippant personal ads would look like. So here’s mine: _MWM, 6’2’, 200 pounds. Black/haz. Heavy drinker/smoker. I like movies, walks on the beach, and playing stink-finger and grabass. I’m proud to say that I’m hung like a buck gerbil. ISO centerfold type to discretely ogle when the little woman isn’t looking. I’m quite a catch!_ So, what would yours look like? ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/2 "2002-07-17T17:20:56Z")
I used to peruse the personals for grins, wondering whether I’d have ever used them when I was unattached. I’m not sure if I could have done it. As for mine: _MWF, 48. If looks are important to you, don’t bother. If hygiene is not important to you, don’t bother. I have a warped sense of humor and I’m not interested in serious issues, moonlight walks, or cuddling by the fire. If you’ve got a brain and can make me laugh, that’s an excellent start. If you mow my lawn and clean my garage, I’m yours. Sports fanatics need not apply. Send your reply in a box of fine chocolates._ Whaddaya think - does it capture the real me? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/3 "2002-07-17T19:18:02Z")
SWM, 36, enjoys long walks in the fireplace and sitting in front of a roaring beach. ISBN. TMBG, UB. G, PG, R. ISO LTR w/ SWF, RSVP PDQ, TLA, E-I-E-I-O. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/4 "2002-07-17T19:24:14Z")
Ha! **Robot Arm** , that was my laugh of the day. Too funny. As for me: _SWM, 22, ISO meaningful relationship, or maybe not._ ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/5 "2002-07-17T19:43:06Z")
_SWM, 26, who never quite finishes what he star_ ---
**Author:** ![bernse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@bernse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bernse)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/6 "2002-07-17T19:56:13Z")
\*MWM, 29. 5’11", 200-ish lbs. Scorpio. Looking for a Married, open-minded Female w/ wooden leg and kickstand that is into casual sex, Star Trek, Law and Order, hardcore porno and shooting automatic weapons. Owning your own vehicle and not living with your parents is a plus! (But not necessary!) ---
**Author:** ![MachV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@MachV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MachV)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/7 "2002-07-17T21:07:31Z")
_SWM,30, looking for at hot young female. Not to brag, but hung like a…what the hell are you giggling at? Well, I’m paying for this ad so you better shut the hell up before I reach through this phone and…Look, I mean it, [expletive]. If you don’t print exactly what you hear me say I’m coming up to that rag of a newspaper you work at and kicking your [expletive]! Oh, yeah? Well, [expletive] you too, pal!_ ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/8 "2002-07-17T22:08:50Z")
_Professional SHF,39, no drug/alcohol/psych issues ISO handgun afficianado/computer geek/alpha male to rock her world. Must worship and adore me and expect same. Experience in the care and feeding of high-maintainance princessy types a plus but will train to suit._ No wonder I never get responses… ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/9 "2002-07-17T22:15:39Z")
SWM 32 handgun afficianado/computer geek/Experienced in the care and feeding of high-maintainance princessy types, seeks professional, secure, stable, princess for LTR. \ …hmmm whos this **Cyn** girl…who cares…sounds perfect… **Hey Cyn** , lets get married, Tahoe on the 1st sound good? ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/10 "2002-07-17T22:20:06Z")
Sure, **Drachillix**! Mind if I bring the kids? ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/11 "2002-07-17T22:29:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cyn \* > \*\*Sure, **Drachillix**! Mind if I bring the kids? \*\* OK done deal, Seeya in Tahoe \*for those of you who may have missed it Drachillix and Cyn are getting married and it just so happens that we met via an internet personal ad, this has been planned for quite some time. No vertebrates were harmed in the making of this ad. Printed on 100% recycled screen phosphor. ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/12 "2002-07-17T22:47:08Z")
I met my wife through a personal ad 13 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/13 "2002-07-17T23:16:13Z")
Good for you, **racer72**. I’ve always figured that they work for a lot of people, otherwise no one would buy them. So what did your/your wife’s ad say? ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/14 "2002-07-17T23:54:37Z")
Personal ad to English translation guide: Full figured — fat Financially secure — has a job height/weight proportional — fat must like kids — must like other people’s kids By the way, I also met my wife through the personals. There really is many people out there that are just fine but have trouble meeting people. I met three nice people through the personals, and two nut jobs, but that’s pretty good odds. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/15 "2002-07-18T04:56:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by drachillix \* > \*\*\*for those of you who may have missed it Drachillix and Cyn are getting married \*\* Sure, but it only counts if you get married to _each other._ No fair cheating. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/16 "2002-07-18T05:06:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eonwe \* > Ha! Robot Arm, that was my laugh of the day. Too funny. Well, that’s one response, certainly. And heaven knows my romantic life has been the subject of laughter before now. Unfortunately I was going more for a ‘make women want to smother me with kisses and take off all their clothes (and _por favor_, do it slowly, eh?)’ reaction. I think I could stand to refine the message just a smidge. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/17 "2002-07-18T05:11:06Z")
Single lesbian, 20, in search of unrepentant geek with sapphic tendancies and a penchant for occasional wild debauchery. Deep love of classic age film, history, and linguistics a bonus. ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/18 "2002-07-18T06:00:43Z")
SWF, 22, French/Linguistics major, ISO intelligent/geeky individual of a similar age, for … aww damnit how come all the best chicks are on the other side of the country?? ---
**Author:** ![New\_Improved\_Scott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f17d59/32.png) [@New\_Improved\_Scott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/New_Improved_Scott)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/19 "2002-07-18T06:07:50Z")
\*SWM, 24, 6’3" 260 lbs, with huge comic collection, looking for woman with infinite patience and ability to put up with innane ranting about every random topic. Like Milk. What’s is the deal with milk? How did the first person to drink milk come up with that idea? Did he try other animals first, or was he luck on the first shot? How did he convince the second guy to try some? “Dude, I squeezed a cow, and you gotta taste the stuff that came out of it!”… ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437/20 "2002-07-18T06:31:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dragonblink \* > \*\*SWF, 22, French/Linguistics major, ISO intelligent/geeky individual of a similar age, for … aww damnit how come all the best chicks are on the other side of the country?? \*\* Alas. Hey, we can get into a discussion about formulism vs. functionalism if you like and do that esoteric linguistic flirting thing, complete with jokes about the past perfect tense of ‘screwed.’ I’m not getting a date anytime soon, so there’s no harm in vicarious internet geeking. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/personal-ads/119437.md?page=2)