# Persuade me to start smoking! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 6, 2009, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559 "2009-05-06T17:31:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2009, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/21 "2009-05-06T19:22:36Z")
My parents never smoked and so they have to bear periodic visits from their yammering grandchildren, buy them gifts, spend holidays with them, etc. My husband’s mother died at 60 from lung cancer. She never had to spend a single cursed minute with her grandchildren. She never even knew them! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2009, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/22 "2009-05-06T19:34:36Z")
> [@Small\_Hen](#): > > It looks fucking awesome. You can blow smoke rings and watch the smoke curl up from the end of your cigarette in beautiful, dancing patterns. It gives you a social defense, something you can use to end a conversation with non-smokers (“I’m going out for a cigarette, bye!”), and you’ll always have something in your hands to fiddle with. In one of Robert B. Parker’s _Spenser_ novels, the titular detective laments that, having quit smoking 20 years earlier, he is unable to utery a challenge with appropriate contempt for his opponent: “A line like that,” he thinks, “needs smoke curling around it.” In another, he is thinking about his case while standing on teh edge of the Potomac and wishes he had a cigarette so he could take one last drag and flick the stub into the river as he left. > [@](#): > > cutting yourself is too emo. I’m not allowed to cut myself. Court order. Apparently every time a drop of my blood touches soil, nothing ever grows there again, and every if it falls onto water it spawns kraken. Like that’s MY fault. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2009, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/23 "2009-05-06T19:45:09Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’m not allowed to cut myself. Court order. Apparently every time a drop of my blood touches soil, nothing ever grows there again, and every if it falls onto water it spawns kraken. > > Like that’s MY fault. Well, yeah, it kind of is. They weren’t too keen on Typhoid Mary, either, if you recall. ---
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2009, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/24 "2009-05-06T19:48:24Z")
Your [soundtrack](http://www.amazon.com/Drag-k-d-lang/dp/B000002NG2/) awaits you. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2009, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/25 "2009-05-06T19:56:11Z")
Smoking _is_ amazingly cool. Like in that ad where the New York cabbie, holding a half-smoked cigarette in his nicotine-stained fingers, smiles at the camera revealing crooked yellow teeth, and in between hacking coughs says “By me, it’s Camels.” The best reason to take up smoking is that with every puff, a couple pennies drop into **Jackmannii’s** retirement account. Pathologists would be considerably poorer without all the smoking-related cancers of the lung, head and neck, bladder, esophagus, cervix, pancreas and so on that there are to diagnose. And that doesn’t even take into account other chronic conditions and premalignant lesions caused by smoking that add up to additional dollars, with or without the odd autopsy to add a thrill to the day. I think of all those smokers out there saying to themselves, “I’m doing this for **Jackmannii**.” And I’m grateful. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2009, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/26 "2009-05-06T20:01:15Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Well, yeah, it kind of is. They weren’t too keen on Typhoid Mary, either, if you recall. It’s not like I’m INFECTING people. I mean, yes, I did accidentally cause a famine in North Africa after a papercut, and, yes, a kraken spawned by my blood did destroy that Russian sub and eat the entire crew–but even so I don’t see why I should be inconvenienced. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2009, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/27 "2009-05-06T20:14:05Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > I think of all those smokers out there saying to themselves, “I’m doing this for **Jackmannii**.” And **Attack from the 3rd Dimension** ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2009, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/28 "2009-05-06T20:32:20Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > but even so I don’t see why I should be inconvenienced. Neither did Typhoid Mary. And we’re not even getting any delicious home cookin’ out of the bargain. ---
**Author:** ![DfrntBreign](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f6c823/32.png) [@DfrntBreign](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DfrntBreign)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2009, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/29 "2009-05-07T06:39:52Z")
Are you smoking, yet? If not, maybe this will convince you: [Bill’s POV.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9O1Cv7wudU) ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2009, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/30 "2009-05-07T07:09:35Z")
As someone who is currently, as we speak, chewing nicotine gum, I’ll try to persuade you into smoking. The thing is, you’re gonna have to forget all about tobacco. Not only does it do great damage to you, but it has utterly no payoff in the first place. People who smoke cigarettes do so to fight off the withdrawl symptoms of not smoking. So back to my persuasion. If you’re gonna smoke, smoke something with a payoff. Smoke weed. It gets you high. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2009, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/31 "2009-05-07T07:11:17Z")
Black and Milds smell really fucking good. If I smoked, I’d smoke those. ---
**Author:** ![dbuzman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de0a6/32.png) [@dbuzman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dbuzman)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2009, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/32 "2009-05-07T08:24:23Z")
Hey, since they raised the taxes on cigs, think of how much more money you can waste now. Maybe you can spend enough on smokes that you have trouble buying food and paying your bills and end up homeless living in the street with lung cancer. How’s that for self destructive? hee hee hee. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2009, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/33 "2009-05-07T12:50:16Z")
Think of how much space you’ll have as people ostentatiously avoid you on the subway! It’s almost as good as malaria! ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2009, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/34 "2009-05-07T13:02:49Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > ::coughing flout coughing :: You can do both. First you flaunt the laws you got, then you flout the smoke out of 'em. Either your audience is impressed, or it’s confused as hell. Either way, you win 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2009, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/35 "2009-05-07T13:11:13Z")
Let me say, with all the taxes placed on cigarettes, you’ll be helping to fund government services and keep America strong. Only smokers really love their country. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2009, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/36 "2009-05-07T17:55:16Z")
> [@bobo t](#): > > As someone who is currently, as we speak, chewing nicotine gum, I’ll try to persuade you into smoking. The thing is, you’re gonna have to forget all about tobacco. Not only does it do great damage to you, but it has utterly no payoff in the first place. People who smoke cigarettes do so to fight off the withdrawl symptoms of not smoking. > So back to my persuasion. If you’re gonna smoke, smoke something with a payoff. Smoke weed. It gets you high. The court order prohibiting me from cutting myself also prohibits me from smoking weed, even medicinally. Something about an ancient prophecy and a zombie holocaust and Amber Tamblyn being eaten alive as a result of something that happens when I’m snockered. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/37 "2009-05-07T20:15:22Z")
Well, if you start smoking you wont have to worry about contributing to that silly 401K plan because you wont be around to enjoy it. Also, smoking kinda’ make you like a superhero. It gives you the power to repulse people with your god awful smell. So just think about it **Skald** , now you don’t even have to be bothered to open your mouth to repulse people like you normally do. Now, all you gotta do is _be there_ in the same room with them. I hope you take this post with the good humor that it was intended for." ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/38 "2009-05-07T20:15:33Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > and Amber Tamblyn being eaten alive I fail to see the problem here. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2009, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/39 "2009-05-07T20:20:37Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > I fail to see the problem here. Heretic! I don’t know what it is about Amber. She’s not actually all that pretty, and yet I find her strangely appealing. ---
**Author:** ![dragonlady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@dragonlady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dragonlady)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2009, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/40 "2009-05-08T01:57:25Z")
> [@bobo t](#): > > As someone who is currently, as we speak, chewing nicotine gum, I’ll try to persuade you into smoking. The thing is, you’re gonna have to forget all about tobacco. Not only does it do great damage to you, but > > > [@](#): > > > > it has utterly no payoff in the first place. People who smoke cigarettes do so to fight off the withdrawl symptoms of not smoking. > > So back to my persuasion. If you’re gonna smoke, smoke something with a payoff. Smoke weed. It gets you high. OMG! I never thought of it that way… smoking only to avoid the withdrawal. That’s… that’s epic! And as for smoking, think of all the healthy things you might do with the money you’ll now be spending on butts! That’s reason enough right there… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559.md?page=3)