# Persuade me to start smoking! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 6, 2009, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559 "2009-05-06T17:31:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2009, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/41 "2009-05-08T02:40:07Z")
> [@SaharaTea](#): > > I miss it dearly. And if I make it to heaven, there had better be a smoking section. Fucking A, and I’m only on post 12. You could have your arm ripped off be beaten with it. When you had a cigarette afterwards, everything would be ok for a few precious minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2009, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/42 "2009-05-08T03:48:00Z")
> [@DfrntBreign](#): > > Are you smoking, yet? > > If not, maybe this will convince you: [Bill’s POV.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9O1Cv7wudU) An excellent question. You should start smoking pot, so you can feel better about smoking cigs when you can’t get pot (there are occasional dry spells for pot, if you didn’t know that). If you are a terrorist and a smoker, you always have a handy ignition source for your fused explosives. As a smoking parent, you can use cigs as intimidation devices. You can blow smoke right in the kids’ faces. You can also threaten them with the glowing ember. It’s surprisingly painful when it touches the skin. Cigs give you that outlaw, tough guy ambiance. Cigs will deaden your sense of smell, which is great in crowded urban environments. Cigs will deaden your sense of taste, allowing you to eat meat you would otherwise spit out as not fit for human consumption. Cigs will reduce your lung capacity, so if you move to China, you won’t suck in so much of their awful pollution. Cigs will reduce you opportunities for sex. This should lower your birth control costs, and ultimately be good for the entire planet as you won’t produce any more resource-using spawn. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2009, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/43 "2009-05-08T04:18:18Z")
What, tobacco? Start smoking meth like a real man. ---
**Author:** ![congodwarf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@congodwarf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/congodwarf)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2009, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/44 "2009-05-08T11:53:26Z")
Well, the world is short a smoker at the moment, since I quit on Monday. So, you can have my spot in the smoking areas. It has been exactly 4 days and 45 minutes since I crushed out my last cigarette. ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2009, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/45 "2009-05-08T20:46:31Z")
I quit a couple of months ago…and for the first time in 18 years, it stuck. I don’t know exactly how long it’s been, and I only think about smoking a few times a day now. I’ve been trying to find a benefit to having quit, and I finally found it yesterday. I took a long bike ride with lots of hills, and while it hurt, I could actually breathe. I was stone cold shocked that I noticed a difference. So here’s the thing. If you take up smoking: A. Those of us that have quit can live vicariously through you. B. You have a built in excuse for not working out because you wouldn’t be able to breathe. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2009, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/46 "2009-05-08T21:22:32Z")
If I didn’t smoke already, I’d be convinced to after this thread. And, who needs an excuse not to work out? ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2009, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/47 "2009-05-08T21:56:00Z")
> [@ivan\_astikov](#): > > If I didn’t smoke already, I’d be convinced to after this thread. > > And, who needs an excuse not to work out? Plus you’d have to change your username if you didn’t smoke. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2009, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/48 "2009-05-08T22:12:25Z")
“Face like a baseball mitt” is a good look on you. ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2009, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/49 "2009-05-08T22:21:22Z")
Don’t do it, **Skald**! You know who else smokes? Hot skanks in bars. They smoke, because they’re kind of wild and because they can use their habit to pick guys up for one night stands. I mean, there you’ll be on a Friday night trying to enjoy your drink in Irv’s Bucket of Puke in peace, when some tall redhead mildly drunk chick in a halter top and Daisy Dukes wanders up to you and asks you innocently if you’ve got a light. Now if you’re a nonsmoker, you’ve got no worries. She’ll just move on to that fat guy at the bar with a greasy mullet and more flannel than you would have found at a Nirvana concert. If you smoke, however, you’ll probably fall for it and light her cigarette, and the both of you will head out for what you think will be an innocent conversation about baseball stats or whatever. The next thing you know, she’ll be pushing you up against the brick wall shoving her tongue in your mouth and asking if you want to see her snake tattoo, and you’ll wind up naked on your back in her waterbed watching her jump your bones while screaming vile things she wants to do to you all night over the Van Halen CD in her stereo. Now doesn’t that sound disgusting, **Skald**? Is _that_ how you want to start off your weekend after a long week of work? I’ll bet she probably doesn’t even have a snake tattoo in the first place! It’s bad enough having a boring, sucky job five days out of the week, but can you imagine putting up with _this_, too? Wouldn’t you rather be with someone you met at church who’s saving herself for her husband? Sure you would. So be smart. Don’t start. ---
**Author:** ![OM\_Waterfall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/51bf81/32.png) [@OM\_Waterfall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OM_Waterfall)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2009, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/50 "2009-05-09T01:08:32Z")
I forget which comedian I’m stealing this off, but it is said that if you smoke you don’t need to exercise. Think about it, where does working out get you? You smell bad and feel out of breath. So just light one up and achieve the same thing! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2009, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/51 "2009-05-09T04:10:03Z")
When I spoke of smoking to one of the metal building salesmen I worked for, who was a convicted felon-yes, I know the only difference is the “convicted” part-he pointed out, “you always have something to do.” At work or in the slammer, I presume. ---
**Author:** ![Mariemarie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/58f4c7/32.png) [@Mariemarie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mariemarie)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2009, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/52 "2009-05-09T04:27:58Z")
You should start smoking, then withdraw for a few days, then start smoking again. That first cig after you haven’t had one in a while is gooood–it’s the only one that’s good, though… the others are just to avoid withdrawal. So in order to really enjoy smoking, you have to go through withdrawal again. Smart, very smart. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Buttons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@Mr\_Buttons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Buttons)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2009, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/53 "2009-05-09T05:21:13Z")
It’s great for taking off some weight. It’s a stimulant, and an effective appetite suppressant. Plus if you smoke really fast, you can catch a fun little 5-10 minutes speedy high. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2009, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/54 "2009-05-09T15:15:12Z")
Because having a harem carry your hooka around would be way cool. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2009, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/55 "2009-05-09T19:18:18Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > When I spoke of smoking to one of the metal building salesmen I worked for, who was a convicted felon- **yes, I know the only difference is the “convicted” part** -he pointed out, “you always have something to do.” > At work or in the slammer, I presume. I’m not understanding the clause I bolded. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2009, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/56 "2009-05-09T20:22:59Z")
**Skald the Rhymer** - I think **carnivorousplant** is saying that all metal building salesmen are felons. Most of them just haven’t been convicted. StG ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/57 "2009-05-09T21:39:56Z")
> [@Mr\_Buttons](#): > > Plus if you smoke really fast, you can catch a fun little 5-10 minutes speedy high. It’s good, until you get nauseated and puke. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2009, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/58 "2009-05-09T22:01:51Z")
> [@StGermain](#): > > **Skald the Rhymer** - I think **carnivorousplant** is saying that all metal building salesmen are felons. Most of them just haven’t been convicted. > > StG Indeed. My favorite quote from one of them: “Yessir, I’m a son of a bitch, but I’m a son of a bitch with _your_ money.” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![lazurm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@lazurm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lazurm)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2017, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/59 "2017-12-11T21:57:50Z")
To prove how easy it is to quit. Well, it isn’t and I got up to a pack every day. ☹ > [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Everybody is always yammering on about how _hard_ it is to stop smoking, once you’ve got started. You’ve always been an inquisitive individual, and not one to take anyone’s word for anything. > > Find out for yourself!\* > > \*This is what I did. So I know. ---
**Author:** ![Buttercup\_Smith](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buttercup_smith/32/473_2.png) [@Buttercup\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buttercup_Smith)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2017, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559/60 "2017-12-11T23:25:30Z")
Seven months I have been quit now and tis one of the hardest things ever. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/persuade-me-to-start-smoking/495559.md?page=2)