Your experience is not universal. Not everyone thinks that “my wife” sounds normal.
Oh, sure, but Lancia upthread thought it was weird when a relative called her husband “Husband”. I was just pointing out, it’s not necessarily a bad thing.
I do agree that using “my husband” or “my fiance” (or even sometimes “my boyfriend”) when it’s not necessary conversationally is often a form of bragging among women, especially younger or working-class women, for whom having a man in your life may not be a given. It’s a subtle status thing, a reminder to the other women that they have been proven to be desirable and are therefore a bit higher in the pecking order than they otherwise would be.
Well, I’m confused. I would have thought “the wife” might be better than “my wife” because it’s not possessive.
I guess we’ll have to go with “[Wife’s Name], the independent person with whom I have entered into a legally binding non-gender-specific marriage agreement.” 
Ah, you’re right. Sorry.
I’ve never seen that before. That’s pretty icky.
I admire your psychic abilities. Why the hell is your hang-up my responsibility?
I bring it up here because it would be inappropriate to do so in the real world. However, I’m sure I’m not the only person in the world who thinks this way. There are probably many people who feel the same way but won’t say anything to you. I certainly have never mentioned it to the few people who I’ve seen do it. That’s why I bring it up. If you don’t notice the difference, you may be assuming that your audience doesn’t as well, but that’s not the case. Some people may infer you mean something negative about your relationship that you don’t intend to convey.
I suppose if I was in a culture when it was normal to use ‘the’, then it would seem normal. But just about everyone I know who talks about their wife says ‘my wife’. So when someone says ‘the wife’, it stands out.
I don’t understand why use ‘the wife’ when ‘my’ is used with most other people or things close to you like son/daughter/mother/father/sister/dog/car/tv… If it’s all the same to you and everyone else, why use ‘the’ in that fashion?
Why not? Why does it have to be YOUR way over any other way? It goes both ways. Yours is not more important than mine. Get over yourself. Or provide evidence that the majority of people say it any particular way.
If you’re a guy, it’s understandable that you haven’t seen it - it’s almost always in conversations just between women. Keep an ear out for it, though, and you’ll hear it. Even when complaining about their man, there’s very often a touch of pride in the phrase “my husband”.
I actually have the theory that the phrase “my fiance” is always a stealth-brag like this. There’s a subtext in there…“I have a fiance! I am going to be a Bride! I am important and desirable and valuable! The Happiest Day Of My Life is on the imminent horizon! Status status status!”
Thing is, my husband and I have a thing where yes, we do “own” each other. It gives us pleasure to know that the other person is “mine”. Sometimes we’ll say things like “You are mine, and I am yours” to be romantic.
So if people want to interpret me saying “My husband” as ownership over him, well in my case at least, we already interpret it that way.
That’s great, I agree wholeheartedly.
This thread and OP has got to be the most glaring example of overthinking things.
I’m a girl. I referred to my husband to be as my fiancé and it really didn’t have that subtext. First he was my classmate, then my friend, then my boyfriend, the my fiancé, then my husband. Why would I not refer to him as my fiancé?
(But seriously. Everyone on this board thinks I’m a guy. It’s not just you. I just don’t get it. 
)
Can’t we just all agree to call her SWMBO (pronounced “swimbo”), or should that be THE SWMBO?
(Those who have SWMBOs, that is.)
Fighting ignorance grows a lot more prosaic in peacetime.
“The wife” doesn’t bother me. What I somehow can’t get used to, even after nearly twenty years, is hearing my wife and her sister both say minha mãe (my mother) when conversing with each other. You’re both talking about the same person, dammit!
I don’t get it either. How else are you suppose to refer to them.
As to "Even when complaining about their man, there’s very often a touch of pride in the phrase “my husband”. " Is that the way it should be? If it’s a happy marriage, even when they annoy you, shouldn’t you be proud that you’re with this particular person. You shouldn’t be ashamed or indifferent of your partner.
I don’t view ‘my wife’ as implying ownership. Rather, the ‘my’ is used to imply a familial relationship like saying my father/mother/sister.
To iterate why I think ‘my’ is better than ‘the’:
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‘my’ implies a closer, more personal relationship than ‘the’. Therefore, I view ‘my wife’ to imply a closer relationship than ‘the wife’.
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‘my wife’ uniquely identifies a single person–the person to whom you are married. ‘The wife’ can mean anyone who is a wife. For example, “We went with another couple to the concert. While waiting in line, the wife and I got snacks.” Which wife did you go with? Your wife or the wife of the other couple?
-Anyone call call her ‘the wife’. Only you can call her ‘my wife’.
I can understand how someone might prefer ‘the’, but it would be good if you could iterate why you think that. Is it the norm in your culture? Do you think ‘my’ is too intimate?
What a strange twist into something never implied.
Respect.
The wife.
The Mrs.
The Empress.
The Goddess of Love and Madness.
The Alpha and Omega.
The One who must be heeded.
Far too fraught with passion and terror for me to take ownership of.
Cynthia
I’m glad that works for you, but that wouldn’t feel like respect to me. At all.