How about “a wife of sorts”? 
In other words, “I don’t care what you say anymore – this is my wife.”
Eh, when I turned 30 The Wife started asking me to can the pet names, and start referring to her as “The Wife” as she felt it more age-appropriate. She feels we’re a little too old to be using “Ducky-Dearest,” “Quacky McBeaks,” “Monkey-Chunky,” and “Penguin Von Eggmeister.”
For background: she works, quite independent, drives a 4x4, etc.
I can see why some people are bothered by it, but consider some couples actually WANT to use it in everyday conversation.
Shrug
I don’t understand. So when you were 29, you’d tell your friends, “So Ducky-Dearest and I went to Macy’s to pick up a new couch?” And at 30 you’d say, “So The Wife and I went…”?
Or was it more like at 29, you’d say, “Ducky Dearest, can you pass the mustard please?” and at 30, you’d say, “The Wife, can you pass the…”?
Either way, I can’t see any situation in which “the wife” is a direct replacement for a pet name.
Hmm. So THAT is where it went. 
I must talk to your husband about that.
My current wife, a cat, doesn’t give a shit about all this so I will bow out temporarily.
Just stopped in to say “Hello”.
Besides, not sure why this is even a issue.
“My wife?” Yes that is Kayla, let me introduce you.
“My wife.” People who know us know what is being said.
There should be no guilt of being “possessive” using that phase.
I think you might have more issues going on here than just using the term of endearment “My wife”.
If you call me Monkey-Chunky one more time I am kicking you to the curb.
Going back to post #1.
I am understanding how frustrating pet peeves can be…however…
What would YOU say to a stranger regarding your above statement.
Just curious.
“Hi. This is my wife. We just went shopping and I thoroughly hated it.”
To someone I didn’t know, that seems socially correct.
Why would you think you would be “possessing” her? Maybe we are from different cultures but that is weird thought process.
To someone who knew both of us I would say ‘Kayla and I went …blah…blah…’.
There is no misogynist possessiveness in either of those statements.
I never said anything about possession, other than to say that “my wife” is not inherently possessive and should be the preferred expression.
Some people in this thread have argued that “my wife” is possessive, or that they fear being accused of being possessive, which is ridiculous and ignores common usage.
I think that any time you’re about to say “the wife,” you should stop yourself and think about how people might react, and then probably switch it to “my wife.” Simple. Unless you either don’t particularly care for your wife and/or don’t mind if people come to that conclusion.
Just honestly curious. Why? I don’t mind being referred to as “My Husband” It is just a social context.
I think I am about to understand what you meant in your OP.
It is just so common usage here that it totally gave me pause.
I have no problem with usage either way. If there is I am sure my female friends would let me know,
Tell her we are trying.
Whether cultural or regional, the times I have heard “the wife” used it sounded like an alternate term for “my wife” or a casually respectful reference to their significant other - THE wife.
The term may sound odd to some, but it is used in some areas and is not,to my ear at least, meant as dismissive, degrading or rude.
Of course, that’s only true if you’re talking to steronz.
If you’re talking to most people, you won’t get that reaction, either way.
If you’re talking to people who have a preference, most of them will react in exactly 100% the opposite way of steronz.
You could try using “the current wife” (but I don’t recommend it)…
The wife says she wishes you guys would hurry up and do so.
The wife has no problem with being called “the wife.” She does not feel belittled. Of course, she probably just puts it down to my lack of education. After all, I just have one master’s degree, whereas she has two plus is an assistant professor and a government researcher. If anyone were to belittle anyone, it would probably be her belittling me, but she is okay with “the wife” label and thoroughly bemused by the notion that it would be offensive to any normal person.
So “the my wife” when the time comes, then.
I sometimes refer to my girlfriend as “the old lady,” but that’s because she was raised by hippies and her father was biker-adjacent.
I have that problem from time to time, talking about my sister and then referring to my/our mother, and I never know which.
The people whose opinions I’m most concerned about already know that I care for my wife. Anyone else who wants to get randomly huffy and offended on her behalf without knowing either of us can go pound walnuts.
Or, the person who hears someone use “the wife” could use good manners and common courtesy and give the speaker the benefit of the doubt regarding his or her relationship with his or her wife.
Simple.
No offence intended but, in my world (urban Canuckistan) “the wife” sounds lowlife-ish, objectifying, and patriarchal - “why ain’t you in de kitchen where y’belongs?” I had a co-worker a long time ago who used to talk about “d’wife” and it actually disgusted us because it was just another part of a variety of related behaviours and mannerisms.
“My wife” is simply a factual identifier and definitely not formal - “Lady Velonette” would sound formal:). I only use my wife’s name when I’m talking to people who know her.
“Lowlife”, says the guy who uses the word Canuckistan, which is considered offensive by many folks on both sides of the border. Use of that term implies a bigoted, reactionary mindset a la Pat Buchanon, who popularized the term when he used it to mock and deride Canada as a whole.
So I could consider you similar to, and of one mind with Pat Buchanon since you use that word.
Or I could just give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you’re using it for your own reasons that don’t necessarily imply a low-life, knuckle-dragging, neoconservative mindset.
I wonder which I should choose?