# Phallic Nomenclature **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 6, 2003, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phallic-nomenclature/159403 "2003-03-06T02:44:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Shai\_tan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Shai\_tan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shai_tan)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phallic-nomenclature/159403/1 "2003-03-06T02:44:22Z")
My penis has many names. I, myself have never deigned to name him, but he has many names none-the-less. Now, I admit… He does have a certain charm - a certain, as the french say, _I don’t know what…_ He’s begging for a name. The women whom I have lived with all admit that he’s got his own distict personality, quite seperate from my own. He thinks for himself. He sometimes makes his own decisions, despite my objections. Okay, granted: A living, thinking entity deserves his (or her) own name. But the name keeps changing. The women invariably feel that the previous name was **completely** unsuitable. That it wasn’t _him._ I would never share these names with any of my friends. Despite the stereotypes I see on T.V., no man I know I actually has his OWN name for his member. Oh, sure, they’ve got slang references for it. A virtual thesauras of penile appellations. But not an actual name. Guys on T.V. always call it Biff, Spike, Brutus, or something else with an imposing quality. I consider myself moderately blessed but my penis is by no means _imposing._ But he shouldn’t sound like a comic book character should he? Or a used-car salesman? I myself would prefer something a little more suave. Something a little more deb-o-nair. Like Pierce. (No pun intended…) I’ve never heard a woman refer to her own equipment by Name. So why do they name mine? Phallicly yours, Shai’tan ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phallic-nomenclature/159403/2 "2003-03-06T03:13:01Z")
Sometimes I swear that there’s a song about everything. See if you can find a copy of “She Made Me Name You Earl” by The Bobs. ---
**Author:** ![Improv\_Geek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b3f665/32.png) [@Improv\_Geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Improv_Geek)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phallic-nomenclature/159403/3 "2003-03-06T03:24:48Z")
There’s a comedian who sings the Penis song, which is sung to the tune of “We didn’t start the fire” but instead of historic references it is different names for his penis. I about passed out I was laughing so hard the first time I heard it. I would cite the author but I have conflicting information, the guy who came to GT claimed he was the author of it but other research says it wasn’t him. So I can’t cite. I know Kazaa has it, just search for “The penis song” ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phallic-nomenclature/159403/4 "2003-03-06T03:38:50Z")
You could call it “The Penis Mightier than the Sword.” 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![HoldenCaulfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/22d042/32.png) [@HoldenCaulfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoldenCaulfield)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phallic-nomenclature/159403/5 "2003-03-06T05:59:17Z")
You could give it just a last name, like Jones or Hughes. Even better would be a first name that is a pluralized last name like Matthews or Stevens. For some reason I think a penis with just a last name would be awesome; kinda like how models only have first names. People would say, “Oh, another penis with just a last name? How trendy!” But you could be the first. I would name mine a last name if my SO hadn’t already named it Dave. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phallic-nomenclature/159403/6 "2003-03-06T12:23:14Z")
Monty Python had a Penis Song, well before “We Didn’t Start the Fire”, filled with names for the member. I don’t know where it’s from, because a friend gave it to us on a tape filled with compilation songs, but it begins “Isn’t it awfully fine to have a penis…” ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phallic-nomenclature/159403/7 "2003-03-06T12:33:15Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by CalMeacham \* > \*\*Monty Python had a Penis Song, well before “We Didn’t Start the Fire”, filled with names for the member. I don’t know where it’s from, because a friend gave it to us on a tape filled with compilation songs, but it begins “Isn’t it awfully fine to have a penis…” _Meaning of Life_. ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phallic-nomenclature/159403/8 "2003-03-06T12:47:27Z")
Call it **Miles**. ---
**Author:** ![Legomancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/779978/32.png) [@Legomancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legomancer)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phallic-nomenclature/159403/9 "2003-03-06T14:07:16Z")
I once had an art teacher named “Richard Cox”. He went by “Richard”. It’s possible his middle name was Willie or John Thomas, but I don’t know for certain.