# Phelps To Picket Amish Funerals **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 4, 2006, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298 "2006-10-04T19:41:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2006, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/21 "2006-10-04T22:34:57Z")
[QUOTE=Billdo] You will all be relieved to know that the picket of the Amish girls funerals [has been cancelled (ugly pdf)](http://www.godhatesfags.com/fliers/oct2006/20061004_mike-gallagher-show.pdf) apparently in consideration of having Westboro Baptist’s representative on the Mike Gallagher show on Thursday from 10 to 11 a.m. Set your Tivos! [/QUOTE] Figures. The only thing that can prevent Phelps from such a spectacular photo op is an even better photo op. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2006, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/22 "2006-10-04T22:38:30Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] I couldn’t believe it when I read it either – I thought it might have been a parody piece, but I’m finding it harder and harder to believe how this guy can possibly take two completely unrelated events and tie them togther under the absurd pretext of religious retribution. This fuckwit’s craptacular douchebaggery just boggles my brain to the point of exhaustion trying to figure out how so many neurons can misfire simultaneously and in such perpetuity and still allow him to form enough coherent sentences to rally his inbred troops around the flag of asshattery. Any other human being on the planet regards the events surrounding the Amish community as a tragety. For Phelps it’s a photo op where he can harangue completely innocent people and ejaculate his twisted religious beliefs. [/QUOTE] If you had posted this in the Pit, I’d be giving it a 9.3, easy. Bravo. ---
**Author:** ![Nanoda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Nanoda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanoda)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2006, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/23 "2006-10-04T22:44:49Z")
[QUOTE=Lightnin’] I don’t pray, seeing as how I’m a godless heathen, but I sure do wish Phelps would get killed by a lightning strike, preferably at one of his picket parties. Something like that would go a long way towards convincing me God actually exists. [/QUOTE] I’d have to say grace every evening for a month. ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2006, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/24 "2006-10-04T23:59:40Z")
[QUOTE=betenoir] “Rendell also revealed a conspiracy to employ the State’s police powers to destroy WBC in order to silence WBC’s Gospel message.” Here’s the bit that gets me. We Ok, the pain that the families of those poor children will feel on top of what they’re already suffering is what gets me but that goes without saying. But what gets me here is that the WBC has no Gospel message. They got aint got no good news for anyone. They have no message. They don’t want to convert anyone, they don’t believe you can convert anyone. God wants you (if you’re Fred Phelps) or he doesn’t. They (he) really want nothing more than to piss people off. Gospel message indeed!! [/QUOTE] I think you may have missed a subtle-but-important distinction. The quote refers to the “WBC’s Gospel message”—and what Phred _& cie._ spew is quite consistent with that message. I’ll let the gentle reader come to his/her own conclusions as to its consistency with a certain other Gospel message. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2006, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/25 "2006-10-05T00:39:18Z")
I know the Amish are pretty much the epitome of Christian virtue and pacifism, but if one of them was to just up and say “You know what? Fuck it!” and slice Phred’s skull open with a shovel, I think it would be more or less excusable. ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2006, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/26 "2006-10-05T00:41:36Z")
It’s already been said, but I believe it: why couldn’t the heavily armed loony have gone into Phelps’ church instead of some Amish schoolhouse? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2006, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/27 "2006-10-05T00:42:00Z")
There used to be a murder defense in Texas that amounted to “He needed killing.” Anybody want to invite Fred and Company down Austin way? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2006, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/28 "2006-10-05T00:43:40Z")
He’s already picketed the funerals of soldiers killed in action. You think that’s easy to top?! **Of course** he’s doing the Amish schoolgirls! ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2006, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/29 "2006-10-05T00:51:15Z")
I’d never heard of Phelps before today. As far as the OP, he doesn’t deserve the pixels you’ve allotted to him. Best for him to remain anonymous. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2006, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/30 "2006-10-05T01:03:00Z")
[QUOTE=PunditLisa] I’d never heard of Phelps before today. As far as the OP, he doesn’t deserve the pixels you’ve allotted to him. Best for him to remain anonymous. [/QUOTE] :eek: How can you have been a member here for seven years and never heard of Phelps? It seems there is almost always one active thread with his name on it, not to mention news stories galore. I’m sorry that his existance was brought to your attention, as I’m sure you were much happier thinking people like that didn’t exist. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2006, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/31 "2006-10-05T01:07:35Z")
[QUOTE=PunditLisa] I’d never heard of Phelps before today. As far as the OP, he doesn’t deserve the pixels you’ve allotted to him. Best for him to remain anonymous. [/QUOTE] Would that I could erase the knowledge of his fetid existence from my brain. Unfortunately he’s such a bilious media slut that it’s nigh impossible to avoid hearing of some new stomach-churning stunt he’s pulling to garner more attention so that he can spread his vitriol in the name of whatever wild-haired bucktoothed crayon scribbler he calls God. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2006, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/32 "2006-10-05T01:38:43Z")
[QUOTE=Mangetout] I know the Amish are pretty much the epitome of Christian virtue and pacifism, but if one of them was to just up and say “You know what? Fuck it!” and slice Phred’s skull open with a shovel, I think it would be more or less excusable. [/QUOTE] According to Ambrose Bierce’s [Devil’s Dictionary](http://www.thedevilsdictionary.com/?H) This is the defination of Homicide “HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy” Excusable? No, praiseworthy. Fuckwit. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2006, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/33 "2006-10-05T01:38:51Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] I couldn’t believe it when I read it either – I thought it might have been a parody piece, but I’m finding it harder and harder to believe how this guy can possibly take two completely unrelated events and tie them togther under the absurd pretext of religious retribution. This fuckwit’s craptacular douchebaggery just boggles my brain to the point of exhaustion trying to figure out how so many neurons can misfire simultaneously and in such perpetuity and still allow him to form enough coherent sentences to rally his inbred troops around the flag of asshattery. Any other human being on the planet regards the events surrounding the Amish community as a tragety. For Phelps it’s a photo op where he can harangue completely innocent people and ejaculate his twisted religious beliefs. Eventually, someone’s going to give him a .357 calibre enema. And if I witnessed that event I’ll describe the perpetrator as old, wearing flowing right robes and a halo. [/QUOTE] That was beautiful! ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2006, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/34 "2006-10-05T01:49:00Z")
I’m having pleasant daydreams of someone bashing the WBC to death with a 6-iron on national TV. Is this wrong? ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2006, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/35 "2006-10-05T02:06:26Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] If it wasn’t before, it’s even more evident now that Phelps is in dire need of a Haldol prescription. Preferably delivered by a wooden sporting implement. [/QUOTE] You get a lot more bat speed with aluminum. Plus, it won’t break, so a second dose is possible, if required. > [@](#): > > I know the Amish are pretty much the epitome of Christian virtue and pacifism, but if one of them was to just up and say “You know what? Fuck it!” and slice Phred’s skull open with a shovel, I think it would be more or less excusable. Calling Harrison Ford! ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2006, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/36 "2006-10-05T02:42:02Z")
[QUOTE=silenus] I’m having pleasant daydreams of someone bashing the WBC to death with a 6-iron on national TV. Is this wrong? [/QUOTE] It’s the wrong club. You need one of those utility woods (actually made from metal.) It has enough loft to provide an acute leading edge, and enough surface area to form a nice divot. But once you bend the shaft your head speed goes way down. As noted above, aluminum bats are the way to go. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2006, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/37 "2006-10-05T02:57:12Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] I couldn’t believe it when I read it either – I thought it might have been a parody piece, but I’m finding it harder and harder to believe how this guy can possibly take two completely unrelated events and tie them togther under the absurd pretext of religious retribution. [/QUOTE] WAG: Freaky Freddy dearly wishes _he_ could go out and commit a mass slaughter of the innocents, but he knows he’s too gutless ever to do it. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2006, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/38 "2006-10-05T02:59:51Z")
Oops. The second quote in post #35 is by **Mangetout**. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2006, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/39 "2006-10-05T03:45:17Z")
[QUOTE=Contrapuntal] [QUOTE=Mindfield] If it wasn’t before, it’s even more evident now that Phelps is in dire need of a Haldol prescription. Preferably delivered by a wooden sporting implement. [/QUOTE] You get a lot more bat speed with aluminum. Plus, it won’t break, so a second dose is possible, if required. … [/QUOTE] I was actually picturing a sharp wooden implement from either the sport of Archery or the Javelin toss. A sharp inplement would be better at injecting a dose of a medicinal product. It might even help it get into the bloodstream faster if it were set on fire just before launching it at the patient. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2006, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298/40 "2006-10-05T03:58:50Z")
I was watching Fox News earlier and I’ve noticed something about how they cover Phelps stories. They never ever say the word “Christian.” It’s a “protest group,” a “radical group,” an “extremist group.” etc. but they avoid the word “Christian” like the plague. I know that Phelps is about as Christian as Saddam Hussein but that is still their nominative, self-identified religion, so it’s curious that they so studiously avoid mentioning that fact. If it was a Muslim group, they’d insert the words. “Muslim” and “Islam” at a rate of about 8-25 times per minute. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phelps-to-picket-amish-funerals/375298.md?page=3)