# Phlosphr, you are a fucking idiot (re: home birth) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 17, 2011, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786 "2011-06-17T02:43:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 28
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/541 "2011-06-21T18:01:55Z")
> [@Little\_Bird](#): > > Hey, can I choose Anthony Bourdain as my “guy to deliver my baby”? Wait, wait, that’s not the right word–I meant “conceive”. I think he’s lacking some necessary equipment. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/542 "2011-06-21T18:03:13Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I think he’s lacking some necessary equipment. Well, he’s a chef so surely he has a turkey baster…? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/543 "2011-06-21T18:07:44Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I think he’s lacking some necessary equipment. Well by god I’ll let him have a shot! ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/544 "2011-06-21T18:13:32Z")
So we’re agreed. Anthony Bourdain can deliver the baby and the midwife can bake us a pie. ::cue Yo-Yo Ma drum solo (as seen on David Letterman):: ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/545 "2011-06-21T19:29:12Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > What a reckless, irresponsible policy. That needs to change. > > Wiki says that most nurses can’t do it, though, only those with certain kinds of “advanced” certification. > > Well, we know that no “direct entry midwife” is going to be able to do jack shit if anything goes wrong, and no nurse can perform surgery, so in an emergency, all these bitches still have to scream for a doctor. This isn’t regarding pregnancy, but in January I went to the emergency room regarding a rash. I was never seen by a “doctor” at all. A nurse-practitioner diagnosed me (shingles) and prescribed medication. If anything, things are changing in the opposite direction from what you want. Nurses are getting more and more responsibility, and are able to do more and more of the work that used be reserved for doctors. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/546 "2011-06-21T19:42:03Z")
> [@suranyi](#): > > This isn’t regarding pregnancy, but in January I went to the emergency room regarding a rash. I was never seen by a “doctor” at all. A nurse-practitioner diagnosed me (shingles) and prescribed medication. > > If anything, things are changing in the opposite direction from what you want. Nurses are getting more and more responsibility, and are able to do more and more of the work that used be reserved for doctors. They are a lot cheaper. Having a baby delivered by CNM in a birthing center is half the price of having the baby delivered in a hospital by an OB - for an “equal” birth - i.e. vaginal with no complications. The other thing is that NPs and other nursing specialties allow medical services to get to poorly served areas. You may not be able to get a doctor in a small town in Wyoming, but you can probably get a NP to serve the town. My cousin is a NP and worked for a small private college in Student Medical. There wasn’t enough demand for a doctor, and 90% of her workload was birth control pills, STD testing, and throat swabs for strep. Likewise, my Target has a NP on site. When your kid has an ear infection or a sore throat, a NP can do that as easy as a doctor - then write the prescription. ---
**Author:** ![Catfood\_Purrito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Catfood\_Purrito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catfood_Purrito)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/547 "2011-06-21T19:54:52Z")
The Mayo Clinic has seven nurse midwives on staff…and the Mayo Clinic is not a hippy-dippy woo-woo kinda place. (link: [http://www.mayoclinic.org/obstetrics-gynecology-rst/doctorsbyspecialty.html](http://www.mayoclinic.org/obstetrics-gynecology-rst/doctorsbyspecialty.html)) ---
**Author:** ![LilyoftheField](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/13edae/32.png) [@LilyoftheField](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilyoftheField)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/548 "2011-06-21T20:25:09Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Excellent point. Well..yeah - of course you pick YoYoMa…but I’m pretty sure that it has nothing to do with learning drums… ---
**Author:** ![sugaree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@sugaree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugaree)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/549 "2011-06-21T23:57:18Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Well, we know that no “direct entry midwife” is going to be able to do jack shit if anything goes wrong, and no nurse can perform surgery, so in an emergency, all these bitches still have to scream for a doctor. It’s hard to respond to this, since there’s so much difference in what a CNM, a CPM/licensed midwife, and a lay midwife are permitted to do. Also, the laws regarding the legality of direct entry midwives state by state are just absolutely Byzantine to me. Since what CPMs and lay midwives are permitted to do (have oxygen on hand; administer pitocin; exist) differs by state, I’ll stick to CNMs. CNM’s can perform surgery, that is, minor surgery such as episiotomies and the stitching up of tears. They have access to oxygen, pitocin; they can perform neonatal resuscitation. There are techniques and maneuvers to handle stuff like breech and shoulder dystocia (and like neonatal resuscitation, these maneuvers can by done by even a competent lay midwife). As far as I can see, all CNMs can’t do is c-sections. That’s a big can’t, as c-sections are life-savers, but there are a whole bunch of resolutions to a whole slew of emergencies besides c-sections. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/550 "2011-06-22T00:39:17Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > They are a lot cheaper. > > Having a baby delivered by CNM in a birthing center is half the price of having the baby delivered in a hospital by an OB - for an “equal” birth - i.e. vaginal with no complications. > > The other thing is that NPs and other nursing specialties allow medical services to get to poorly served areas. You may not be able to get a doctor in a small town in Wyoming, but you can probably get a NP to serve the town. > > My cousin is a NP and worked for a small private college in Student Medical. There wasn’t enough demand for a doctor, and 90% of her workload was birth control pills, STD testing, and throat swabs for strep. Likewise, my Target has a NP on site. When your kid has an ear infection or a sore throat, a NP can do that as easy as a doctor - then write the prescription. Another advantage of NPs is they can see the whole family. My wife and I go to the same NP that sees my daughter. Perhaps I should clarify the reason for this pitting (since we’ve gad tge Dio show and a Nigeriam woman parade through since the OP): I think the studies show an increased risk to the baby of a home birth, so I think it’s idiotic to inrease the risk to the baby so the mon can avoid her fear of hospitals or have a spiritual experience or avoid supporting OMG teh corporations that run the hospitals. However, I don’t have any issue with any particular type of medical professional attending the birth. If you are in a hospital, the doctor can take over if the shaman/bagwan/earth-mother stuffs it up (or things just go tits up for no particular reason). ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/551 "2011-06-22T01:21:58Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Another advantage of NPs is they can see the whole family. My wife and I go to the same NP that sees my daughter. > > Perhaps I should clarify the reason for this pitting (since we’ve gad tge Dio show and a Nigeriam woman parade through since the OP): I think the studies show an increased risk to the baby of a home birth, so I think it’s idiotic to inrease the risk to the baby so the mon can avoid her fear of hospitals or have a spiritual experience or avoid supporting OMG teh corporations that run the hospitals. However, I don’t have any issue with any particular type of medical professional attending the birth. If you are in a hospital, the doctor can take over if the shaman/bagwan/earth-mother stuffs it up (or things just go tits up for no particular reason). Honestly, this is why I like seeing a movement towards specialized “birthing centers” either as adjunct to hospitals or standalone. They’re basically (in my experience) a fully staffed obstetrics ward with a institutional bias towards making the patients feel like they’re getting their way. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/552 "2011-06-22T01:50:05Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > Honestly, this is why I like seeing a movement towards specialized “birthing centers” either as adjunct to hospitals or standalone. They’re basically (in my experience) a fully staffed obstetrics ward with a institutional bias towards making the patients feel like they’re getting their way. And patients do generally get their way. Birthing centers usually have fewer interventions. They tend to be staffed for holistic birth. I suspect that this is because women who choose birthing centers don’t look for interventions. And birthing centers often screen out high risk birth and have you deliver in the regular L&D ward (although often the two are one in the same place) However, they have the advantage of being a rolling bed away from a staffed OR with and OB who can cut. Best of both worlds, unless you feel a very strong attachment to your own plastic wrap covered bed. (Rand, you forgot Yo Yo Ma and the pizza delivery guy). ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/553 "2011-06-22T01:53:09Z")
Is it too late to ask again how is babby formed? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/554 "2011-06-22T02:01:40Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > Is it too late to ask again how is babby formed? When Anthony Bourdain and a pizza delivery guy love each other very, very much… ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/555 "2011-06-22T02:13:10Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > (Rand, you forgot Yo Yo Ma and the pizza delivery guy). In the birthing center, with the candlestick. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/556 "2011-06-22T03:35:39Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Now I’ve got a picture of a dentist poking around down there with a mirror and probe. That’s usually the hygienist. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/557 "2011-06-22T04:05:54Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > When Anthony Bourdain and a pizza delivery guy love each other very, very much… Damn, we could sell tickets to that… ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/558 "2011-06-22T19:34:00Z")
> [@Sierra\_Indigo](#): > > Damn, we could sell tickets to that… Especially if you keep the turkey baster involved. ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/559 "2011-06-22T20:02:23Z")
> [@Drain\_Bead](#): > > That’s usually the hygienist. Well, we know that no “direct entry hygienist” is going to be able to do jack shit if anything goes wrong with the little vacuum thing, and no dental technician can perform a root canal, so in an emergency, all these bitches still have to scream for a dentist. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phlosphr-you-are-a-fucking-idiot-re-home-birth/585786/560 "2011-06-22T20:03:52Z")
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