# Phrases you use instead of curse words **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 13, 2002, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phrases-you-use-instead-of-curse-words/128341 "2002-09-13T20:32:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![benson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@benson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/benson)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2002, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phrases-you-use-instead-of-curse-words/128341/61 "2002-09-22T00:34:55Z")
I recently picked up “Boo-URNS” from some friends. ---
**Author:** ![zephonith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@zephonith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zephonith)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2002, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phrases-you-use-instead-of-curse-words/128341/62 "2002-09-22T03:38:33Z")
A brother of a friend of mine used to say “Fakalofa lahi atu”, which is a greeting in Niuean. I say “Darn” or “Garn”, which I picked it up after reading ‘Pygmalion’ in English class. Watching Run Lola Run (also in English class) got me into German swearing. And I like “Zounds!”, which I got from Shakespeare. ---
**Author:** ![sweetsensation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@sweetsensation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sweetsensation)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2002, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phrases-you-use-instead-of-curse-words/128341/63 "2002-09-23T16:05:18Z")
spookles!!! ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2002, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phrases-you-use-instead-of-curse-words/128341/64 "2002-09-23T21:55:08Z")
When I’m driving, and somebody else does something obnoxious, I yell “Monkey humper!” at the other driver. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zephonith \* > \*\*I like “Zounds!”, which I got from Shakespeare. \*\* You’re pronouncing it “zoondz” and not “zowndz,” right? Because it’s short for “God’s wounds.” ---
**Author:** ![zephonith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@zephonith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zephonith)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phrases-you-use-instead-of-curse-words/128341/65 "2002-09-24T10:24:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cervaise \* > \*\*You’re pronouncing it “zoondz” and not “zowndz,” right? Because it’s short for “God’s wounds.” \*\* Of course I’m doing it right. They have all the unusual words with their meaning and pronounciation listed in the back of the book, and I like going through and reading them all thoroughly, which is how I picked it up in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Oblong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/c0e974/32.png) [@Oblong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oblong)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phrases-you-use-instead-of-curse-words/128341/66 "2002-09-24T14:14:53Z")
I picked up Bollocks from my English boss. Very versatile and hardly anybody here knows what it means. I also use “mortar forker”. I saw a highlight clip on ESPN many years ago where a race horse had that name and the announcer at the track kept saying “mortar forker”. I also use “fargin bastage”, from Johnny Dangerously. ---
**Author:** ![UWmite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UWmite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UWmite)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phrases-you-use-instead-of-curse-words/128341/67 "2002-09-24T21:58:03Z")
A few summers ago I worked at a summer camp. Our fake cussword of choice was… “Martha Stewart!” Which could be ammended to “Martha Cotton Pickin’ Stewart!” when a larger exclaimation was needed, or a simple “Martha” in place of a weaker epithet. To this day I still say these (and get mocked ruthlessly). ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phrases-you-use-instead-of-curse-words/128341/68 "2002-09-25T00:55:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zephonith \* > **Of course I’m doing it right.** No insult intended. I was just checking, given that I’ve heard even experienced actors say “zownds,” or pronounce “madam” as “m-Dam” or “sirrah” as “s-Rah.” ---
**Author:** ![Forbin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@Forbin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Forbin)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phrases-you-use-instead-of-curse-words/128341/69 "2002-09-25T01:25:43Z")
In my world, “hand me that f**king screwdriver" has been replaced by, “hand me that magnificent screwdriver”. or "Look for the (whatever) in that G\*dd**ned drawer” becomes, “look for the (whatever) in that magnificent drawer”. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/phrases-you-use-instead-of-curse-words/128341.md?page=3)