# Picard VS Kirk! Who Wins?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [June 16, 2008, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084 "2008-06-16T06:30:15Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 5
### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2008, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/81 "2008-06-17T16:06:17Z")
[QUOTE=Picard Kills Kirk]
I think I missed something? Can someone explain “not of the body” please?
[/QUOTE]
The TOS episode [Return of the Archons](http://www.startrek.com/startrek/view/series/TOS/episode/68704.html) features your basic World Taken Over By Big Ass Computer.
While Kirk is figuring out how to destroy it, folks who have not been “Absorbed” are greeted by the phrase, “You are not of the body.”
---
### Author:  [@Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Call_Me_Shirley)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2008, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/82 "2008-06-17T17:03:58Z")
Two words:
Flying. Dropkick.
Game over.
Same goes for Kirk vs. Worf, for whoever said that Picard would have Worf stand in for him. Did Worf _ever_ win a fight in TNG? I’m having trouble remembering one that he did. And even if he did win some, I’m positive he was way below .500.
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### Author:  [@Merkwurdigliebe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merkwurdigliebe)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2008, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/83 "2008-06-17T17:18:00Z")
I don’t know about a fight, but I remember Worf getting paralyzed by an empty plastic barrel that fell from a height of about 8 feet. I’d say the outlook is grim!
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### Author:  [@TripleTee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TripleTee)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2008, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/84 "2008-06-17T17:26:51Z")
[QUOTE=Don’t Call Me Shirley]
Two words:
Flying. Dropkick.
Game over.
Same goes for Kirk vs. Worf, for whoever said that Picard would have Worf stand in for him. Did Worf _ever_ win a fight in TNG? I’m having trouble remembering one that he did. And even if he did win some, I’m positive he was way below .500.
[/QUOTE]
Uh, Worf killed Duras. Worf killed Gowron. Both were skilled Klingon warriors. AND he won the bat’leth tournament on Forcas III, again against skilled opponents. He also defeated 12 (that is TWELVE) Jem’Hadar warriors consecutively while in a prison camp on an asteroid, and the 13th submitted because of Worf’s courage and willingness to die rather than submit. He even killed a number of Borg hand to hand. I only remember Data managing that one besides Worf.
Worf was way, way over .500. He didn’t just fight and win. He destroyed his opponents. His bouts were frequently to the death. He is without question one of the most dominant warriors in all of Star Trek history.
But the question wasn’t about Worf. It was about Picard vs. Kirk. And Kirk wins easily. Please. This isn’t even a question. And as far as debating skills or diplomatic skills are concerned, Picard never talked anything into ever KILLING ITSELF. Kirk did repeatedly. He could probably talk Picard into killing himself.
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### Author:  [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2008, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/85 "2008-06-17T17:45:09Z")
[QUOTE=choie]
Erm … you’re not a lady, young or old, are you? 'Cause according to most of the women I know, including myself, Picard doesn’t need to flirt. He just needs to open his mouth and say something. Anything. The alphabet, technobabble, the recipe for fried Targ, doesn’t matter. And if he busts out the Shakespeare, oh _man_.
[/QUOTE]
You said it–not a dry seat in the house!
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2008, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/86 "2008-06-17T18:04:45Z")
[QUOTE=Don’t Call Me Shirley]
Did Worf _ever_ win a fight in TNG?
[/QUOTE]
There was the Weoun clone in DS 9.
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### Author:  [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2008, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/87 "2008-06-17T18:38:21Z")
[QUOTE=Chanteuse]
You said it–not a dry seat in the house!
[/QUOTE]
Eeeew.
🙂
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### Author:  [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2008, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/88 "2008-06-17T18:53:53Z")
[QUOTE=Weirddave]
I’ve seen that before, and damned if it isn’t funny, but I get the feeling from watching it that he’s singing to Worf. :smack:
[/QUOTE]
Even worse…I get the feeling he’s singing to Wesley. :eek:
“Q… **Q?!!!** ”
Well, that would explain it, wouldn’t it?
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### Author:  [@Jolly\_Roger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jolly_Roger)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2008, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/89 "2008-06-17T19:04:18Z")
[QUOTE=TripleTee]
Uh, Worf killed Duras. Worf killed Gowron. Both were skilled Klingon warriors. AND he won the bat’leth tournament on Forcas III, again against skilled opponents. He also defeated 12 (that is TWELVE) Jem’Hadar warriors consecutively while in a prison camp on an asteroid, and the 13th submitted because of Worf’s courage and willingness to die rather than submit. He even killed a number of Borg hand to hand. I only remember Data managing that one besides Worf.
Worf was way, way over .500. He didn’t just fight and win. He destroyed his opponents. His bouts were frequently to the death. He is without question one of the most dominant warriors in all of Star Trek history.
But the question wasn’t about Worf. It was about Picard vs. Kirk. And Kirk wins easily. Please. This isn’t even a question. And as far as debating skills or diplomatic skills are concerned, Picard never talked anything into ever KILLING ITSELF. Kirk did repeatedly. He could probably talk Picard into killing himself.
[/QUOTE]
Just to drag the subject bacjk to Worf for a moment, he did say in one episode, when the crew were experiencing strange unexplained occurences and someone had broken his wrist, that (paraphrasing) Commander data is the only person aboard the ship that could have broken my wrist".
Worf was a badass saddled by stupid scripts that undermined his badassness.
I still think Kirk could whoop Picard easily.
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2008, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/90 "2008-06-17T19:35:55Z")
[QUOTE=Merkwurdigliebe]
I remember Worf getting paralyzed by an empty plastic barrel that fell from a height of about 8 feet.
[/QUOTE]
It wasn’t empty, it was full Holo Deck sand.
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### Author:  [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2008, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/91 "2008-06-17T20:16:25Z")
[QUOTE=Just Some Guy]
But neither of them have beards.
[/QUOTE]
I’m pretty sure in _Mirror, Mirror_ that Uhura was Sulu’s beard.
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant]
There was the Weoun clone in DS 9..
[/QUOTE]
Heck, Balok could probably beat up Weoun.
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2008, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/92 "2008-06-17T20:43:20Z")
[QUOTE=Laughing Lagomorph]
I’m pretty sure in _Mirror, Mirror_ that Uhura was Sulu’s beard.
[/QUOTE]
Does this have to do with the Chaucer line from the Canterbury Tales, “For he know a woman hath no bearde”?
[QUOTE=Laughing Lagomorph]
Heck, Balok could probably beat up Weoun.
[/QUOTE]
Well, yeah, but could he snap his neck like a…like a Weoun Clone?
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### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2008, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/93 "2008-06-17T23:10:34Z")
[QUOTE=NicePete]
Whoa! Did I wake up in 1996 or something? Wow, what’s next, a link to Hamsterdance?
[/QUOTE]
What an excellent idea! I just read this thread with the hamsterdance playing. Ah, 1996 - a kinder, gentler time.
I have to go with Picard, simply because while Kirk was definitely more aggressive, Picard has unexpected depths of resourcefulness. He’s a diplomat who will kick ass diplomatically (I love the matador/bull analogy!).
I’ll give Kirk the edge on support staff, though.
(For all us Picard fans - [Patrick Stewart on “Extras.”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fg_cwI1Xj4M))
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### Author:  [@Lstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lstone)
#### Post date: [July 6, 2011, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/94 "2011-07-06T15:55:29Z")
Honestly picard would kill kirk. Kirk would die from lack of oxygen after he ran about 10 ft. while Picard could easily just wait until kirks out of breath to punch him in the throat and if all else faols send in worf to kick kirks entire crews asses.
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### Author:  [@Bloodless\_Turnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bloodless_Turnip)
#### Post date: [July 6, 2011, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/95 "2011-07-06T16:02:56Z")
Please people, Cpt. Janeway would have bad acted them all to death.
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### Author:  [@Lstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lstone)
#### Post date: [July 6, 2011, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/96 "2011-07-06T16:03:55Z")
fml not worf locutus.
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### Author:  [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)
#### Post date: [July 6, 2011, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/97 "2011-07-06T16:04:05Z")
Zombie Kirk vs. Zombie Picard.
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### Author:  [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)
#### Post date: [July 6, 2011, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/98 "2011-07-06T16:10:33Z")
Kirk. Hands down. He kicks alien ass even when he’s not pissed.
I think it would sound like this.
Picard: Let’s us t…[sound of phaser on kill sending his atoms to Rysa]
Kirk: Damn that was fun! Where’s an Orion girl? I need to get my green swerve on!
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### Author:  [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)
#### Post date: [July 6, 2011, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/99 "2011-07-06T16:33:19Z")
Kirk wins, unless it’s Chris Pine’s Kirk, then Picard wins.
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### Author:  [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)
#### Post date: [July 6, 2011, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picard-vs-kirk-who-wins/453084/100 "2011-07-06T16:43:20Z")
> [@BMalion](#):
>
> Kirk wins, unless it’s Chris Pine’s Kirk, then Picard wins.
Beeeeeep.
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