# Pick up lines.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 27, 1999, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126 "1999-10-27T20:27:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Valerieblaise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@Valerieblaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valerieblaise)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/21 "1999-10-28T04:45:00Z")
The funniest one I ever got was, “Do you sleep on your stomach? No? Can I?” But I lived w/ two guys with a bunch of deviant guy friends for a couple of years, and I vaguely remember one drunken night where they all sat around and came up w/ the cheesiest lines they could remember. Among them were: “Do you want to go back to my place, order a pizza, and fuck?” [obvious response is NO] “What’s the matter, you don’t like pizza?” “Do you like apples?” [regardless of the answer:] “Well, we’re gonna go back to your place and do screw, how do you like THEM apples?” [Now, for this one the guy has to stand at a crowded bar and wait until a girl forces her way up next to him]“OW! You just stepped on my dick!” Yes, they’re all sad and pathetic, however, I have to admit they’re all funny as hell. I think, if I were a guy, they’d be a good barometer of whether or not the girl has a sense of humor. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/22 "1999-10-28T07:04:00Z")
“Pardon me, Miss, Do you speak with strangers?” ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/23 "1999-10-28T07:21:00Z")
The best bad pick-up line I came up with was when I was on the road for a couple of days with Stone Temple Pilots (dating myself - when they opened for Megadeth) in Missouri. I went up to local girls, laminate flashing, and sais, “Hey, I’m not from here… I understand that Missouri is the ‘Show Me’ state. Go ahead…” I got a lot of girls to laugh, but as always, the only people who got laid that night were actually IN bands… ☹ * * * Yer pal, Satan ---
**Author:** ![heatherlee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/d6d6ee/32.png) [@heatherlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heatherlee)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/24 "1999-10-28T08:31:00Z")
well I have never had to use a pick up line thank god and even if I could I wouldnt. I hate them. I have had a few used on me though and the best one that comes to mind is I had some guy walk up to me and say girl your so fine I would like to eat you up like a biscut. I thought that was pretty gross. Needless to say my girlfriends and I looked at the guy like he was nuts and told him to get outta my face. * * * Me?? an asshole?? You better believe it! Heather Lee [XheatherleeX@aol.com](mailto:XheatherleeX@aol.com) ---
**Author:** ![Flypsyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Flypsyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flypsyde)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/25 "1999-10-28T13:41:00Z")
I’ve got the F, the C, and the K, now all I need is U. If I were in charge of the alphabet, I’d put U and I together. I forgot my phone number. Can I borrow yours? Do you wash your pants in Windex? 'Cause I can sure see myself in them. And if you want to see what #5 is, you’ll have to check out my new topic. * * * “I’m still here, asshole!”-Angus Bethune ---
**Author:** ![Alphagene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Alphagene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alphagene)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/26 "1999-10-28T13:58:00Z")
Never used it but I learned it last night: “That shirt is very becoming on you. Of course, if I was on you, I’d be coming too.” * * * Back off, man. I’m a scientist. ---
**Author:** ![metroshane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@metroshane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/metroshane)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/27 "1999-10-28T14:35:00Z")
You have the whitest teeth I ever came across! * * * We’re all here, because we’re not all there! ---
**Author:** ![Cabbage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@Cabbage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabbage)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/28 "1999-10-28T14:36:00Z")
Hey Baby, Is them space pants you’re wearing?..'Cuz your ass is outta this world! ---
**Author:** ![Catrandom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@Catrandom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catrandom)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/29 "1999-10-28T14:41:00Z")
Those last three are great reminders of why I stopped hanging around in bars … Catrandom ---
**Author:** ![Pixoid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Pixoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixoid)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/30 "1999-10-28T14:41:00Z")
Never heard it used, but… Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? [Answers no.] In that case, would you like to go upstairs and talk? ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/31 "1999-10-28T15:38:00Z")
stolen from a good ol’ country song: _“If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?”_ ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/32 "1999-10-28T15:54:00Z")
A bit off the subject, but this reminds me of an approach that was used on _me_, twice, thousands of miles apart. Once was here in Knoxville, once was in Antigua. Worked nicely both times. The girl comes up to me and says(pointing to some guy): “That guy just won’t leave me alone. Can you pretend to be my brother?” I oblige, meet the guy, act friendly but brotherly, the guy disappears, the girl and I have a great evening. _Both_ times I was playing pinball when it happened. Bizarre, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/33 "1999-10-28T15:56:00Z")
I like that dress you’re wearing, it would look great at the foot of my bed. You must be tired, you’ve been running through my mind all night. You get better looking everyday, and today you look like tomorrow. You’re the rosebud in the thornbush of my life. I’ll bet I can make you cum. Hi, my name’s Girth. I’m surprised you haven’t been arrested yet, because you just stole my heart. I could go on, but I’m sure the teeming millions have had enough groans for one day! Enright3 * * * “Damn, it’d be like two days at Disneyland without the kids!” - Comment by a male friend the first time he saw a picture of Phouka and her breasts. ---
**Author:** ![Daniel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Daniel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daniel)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/34 "1999-10-28T15:59:00Z")
> [@](#): > > “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?” here’s the thing though: whenever anyone asked me this, and I told them, they always say, “Oh, I’m a [something]! We’re compatible!” But knowing nothing about astrology, how the hell do I know if that is true? So a few weeks ago I ask a friend if he’s ever had someone come up to him and say, “has anyone ever come up to you, asked your sign, and then said, ‘oh. we aren’t compatible’ and walked away?” He said, “No Daniel, I have never received an anti-pickup line.” * * * “I’m just too much for human existence – I should be animated.” –Wayne Knight ---
**Author:** ![Daniel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Daniel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daniel)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/35 "1999-10-28T16:01:00Z")
Oh yeah and one I heard on the radio that I found funny: “Would you like to have breakfast? I could call you or nudge you.” * * * “I’m just too much for human existence – I should be animated.” –Wayne Knight ---
**Author:** ![neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ab097/32.png) [@neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neuro-trash_grrrl)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/36 "1999-10-28T16:08:00Z")
My response to “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?” is usually “Stop.” * * * Modest? You bet I’m modest! I am the queen of modesty! ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 1999, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/37 "1999-10-29T05:04:00Z")
Once, a man wearing a large backpack came up to me and said, “I have a dead dog in my backpack. I need some money to buy a shovel so I can bury it.” Hm. OK, so he was really panhandling but I ended up giving him $5 because it was just such a good story. A friend of mine has a fool-proof pick up scenerio and I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it work. He sits at the bar and locks eyes with a girl. Then he slowly takes his thumb and forefinger and “picks” something from his nose. Then he glances down at it and then flicks it away. For some reason, that type of humor makes the women go nuts. They always end up laughing and coming over to him to tell him how hilarious he is, etc. My old boss was handed the “what’s your sign” line once. He just raised his middle finger and said, “this”. ---
**Author:** ![meek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@meek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meek)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/38 "1999-10-28T19:16:00Z")
Most outrageous - “Can I buy you a… BMW?” Least successful - “Nice tits” (usually followed by a _SLAP_) Most successful - “You by far, are the classiest woman in the place…” (Even if she’s dressed like a bag lady.) and finally, “Excuse me miss, I am conducting a survey on outrageous pick up lines-Can you tell me the most outrageous line you have ever heard?” * * * Give me ambiguity or give me something else. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/39 "1999-10-28T20:14:00Z")
**"SUCK ME, BEAUTIFUL!"** * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 1999, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126/40 "1999-10-28T22:27:00Z")
OK, OK, Aura Seer. Perhaps a better response is to say, “I’m not interested, I’m waiting for my 6’4” fiance who just came from pumping iron at the athletic club. Now, do you have anything else to say to me?" [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-up-lines/10126.md?page=3)