# Pick your bodyguard **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 8, 2015, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543 "2015-05-08T11:28:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/41 "2015-05-08T22:48:56Z")
Superman. Duh! ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/42 "2015-05-08T22:52:39Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > John Jones MMA fighter. Especially now, on coke and pissed off. (It’s Jon by the way) ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Kobayashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Mr.Kobayashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Kobayashi)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/43 "2015-05-08T23:38:39Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > I don’t know shit about which martial-arts expert to choose, but I’d pick the best martial-arts fighter over the best boxer. So no Ali or Tyson. > > My bet would be that someone who’s trained to use all parts of his/her body as weapons is going to be a lot more effective in a street fight than someone who’s going to stick with his fists. Boxing \*is \*a martial art. Picked Ali over Tyson on [Tyson’s say](https://youtu.be/MF17mkqyf44?t=250), or as he puts it _“…I can’t beat that man, hell fucking no, no fucking way!”_ ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2015, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/44 "2015-05-08T23:56:29Z")
Meng/Haku, Harley Race, or Professor Toru Tanaka. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2015, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/45 "2015-05-09T00:11:42Z")
Does it have to be a human? I once had a police officer tell me that crooks were more scare of K-9 officers than their human partners. Once he had to go to a home whose door the homeowner had found standing open. They hollered in for anyone inside to give themselves up. No response. Then they said they were sending in the dog. Nobody was found, but the officer said, in similar situations, he’d had people give themselves up _ **after** _ he’d called in the dog was being released. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2015, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/46 "2015-05-09T00:18:02Z")
Missed the edit window. Wanted to add this. Maybe a Caucasian shepherd. [Google](https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=caucasian+shepherd) Or check out #1 here. [5 Lovable Animals You Didn't Know Are Secretly Terrifying | Cracked.com](http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-lovable-animals-you-didnt-know-are-secretly-terrifying/) ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2015, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/47 "2015-05-09T01:46:24Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > OTOH, you can’t exactly go wrong with Andre the Giant. He specializes in fighting groups. He _ **is** _ the brute squad. Anybody want a peanut? ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2015, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/48 "2015-05-09T02:00:50Z")
> [@Mr.Kobayashi](#): > > Boxing \*is \*a martial art. Picked Ali over Tyson on [Tyson’s say](https://youtu.be/MF17mkqyf44?t=250), or as he puts it _“…I can’t beat that man, hell fucking no, no fucking way!”_ That’s an older, past his prime Tyson trying to be humble (because he himself had been humbled a few times) saying that. I doubt an in his prime, undefeated and pre Robin Givens Tyson would ever say that. ---
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2015, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/49 "2015-05-09T02:07:39Z")
John Cleese, of course: [Monty Python - Self-Defense Against Fruit - YouTube](http://youtu.be/piWCBOsJr-w) ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Kobayashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Mr.Kobayashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Kobayashi)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2015, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/50 "2015-05-09T09:20:16Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Does it have to be a human? I once had a police officer tell me that crooks were more scare of K-9 officers than their human partners. Once he had to go to a home whose door the homeowner had found standing open. They hollered in for anyone inside to give themselves up. No response. Then they said they were sending in the dog. Nobody was found, but the officer said, in similar situations, he’d had people give themselves up _ **after** _ he’d called in the dog was being released. Ha, good point but a tad unfair, I mean if we’re allowing dogs why not a bear, or a tiger? Actually I wonder which animal would rip through a bunch of humans in the least amount of time. My money’s probably on the hippo, thinking about it… > [@Bullitt](#): > > That’s an older, past his prime Tyson trying to be humble (because he himself had been humbled a few times) saying that. I doubt an in his prime, undefeated and pre Robin Givens Tyson would ever say that. Oh, no doubt you’re correct there, he’d probably be talking all sorts of smack before the fight. Ali wouldn’t be intimidated, though, look at the Sonny Liston fight - who was as scary as Tyson in his day what with his ties to the mob. A discussion for another time, perhaps. ---
**Author:** ![Atomic\_Alex](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atomic_alex/32/175_2.png) [@Atomic\_Alex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomic_Alex)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2015, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/51 "2015-05-09T13:21:23Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > [Or not so much.](http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/kolkata/Soldier-takes-on-dacoits-on-trainGang-Of-30/articleshow/6488820.cms?) Still incredibly brave but a bit more realistic. I still want him as my bodyguard. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2015, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/52 "2015-05-09T23:05:37Z")
Bas Rutten. MMA fighter that used to get into a lot of street fights. Really though, take any heavyweight type striker and you’re probably going to be fine unless the attackers have knives or something. Bruce Lee would get dogpiled and then his teeth kicked in. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/53 "2015-05-10T01:06:06Z")
> [@Truman\_Burbank](#): > > Reacher. Of the books, not the movie. I’d give book Reacher standing orders to beat up movie Reacher if he ever sees him nearby. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/54 "2015-05-10T01:50:59Z")
Mt first thought was Clint Eastwood in his prime, except he might get pissed and kill me. So I’ll go with Yoda. ---
**Author:** ![donkeyoatey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47c2d/32.png) [@donkeyoatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/donkeyoatey)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/55 "2015-05-10T02:11:35Z")
> [@Dorjan](#): > > I’ll take a Gurkha. No way. Dill pickles are way bigger and saltier. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/56 "2015-05-10T02:13:22Z")
Angus Macaskill. As a backup, Bill Kazmier. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/57 "2015-05-10T21:02:45Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > \*"AND IIIIII-eee-IIIII-ee-IIIII > > WILL ALWAYS > > LOVE YOU-OOO-OOO"\* > > (Somehow this thread seemed to need a soundtrack). I think that this would scare off ANY would-be assailant. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2015, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/58 "2015-05-10T22:15:49Z")
Since the Gurkha is already “taken,” I’ll go with **Ward Lamon**. Lamon was the hand-picked bodyguard who accompanied Abraham Lincoln through Baltimore when mobs were looking to kill him. Described simply as “a man known to be good with his fists.” ---
**Author:** ![Caneknife](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dec6dc/32.png) [@Caneknife](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caneknife)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2015, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/59 "2015-05-11T07:19:24Z")
Kimbo Slice, enough said. ---
**Author:** ![Plums1974](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc79bd/32.png) [@Plums1974](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plums1974)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2015, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543/60 "2015-05-15T17:47:02Z")
First saw Mr. T on a reality show in the late 70’s. Worlds Toughest Bouncer. They had a dwarf tossing contest. He had the braids and feathers going then but not much bling and gold. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-bodyguard/719543.md?page=4)