# pick your wooden actor - actress couple of all-time! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 28, 2009, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500 "2009-10-28T19:32:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![crypto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b3f665/32.png) [@crypto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crypto)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/1 "2009-10-28T19:32:35Z")
OK… here’s what I’m looking for. The two stiffest people you can think of that, if put on the silver screen together, would make the movie look more like a budding forest than a feature film. My nominees: Bill Paxton / Lindsey Crouse They both suck royally, and I can’t understand how either gets work, but for the sake of argument, take Paxton’s performance in Titanic, and Crouse’s performance in House of Games (an otherwise great film ruined by this female piece of walnut). That should give you an idea of what I’m looking for. Your nominees? ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/2 "2009-10-28T20:27:01Z")
I only know Lindsey Crouse from her appearances on _Law and Order_ and _CSI_, but I do not think she has improved with age. Her first role on L&O was as a psychiatrist who was sleeping with her client, and encouraged him to kill his fiance. I thought she played the role rather well. Her later roles (as a judge shot by her husband, as a transexual on CSI) have been, as you say, wooden. Why would an actor’s talent deteriorate over time, rather than improve? ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/3 "2009-10-28T20:38:45Z")
You’re saying Paxton is a bad actor? Have you never seen Aliens, Wierd Science, Predator 2, Commando, Terminator, Navy SEALS, Tombstone, A Simple Plan, Club Dread, or the videos to Fishheads or Shadows of the Night? I honestly cannot comment on his work in Titanic other than “I have not, and will not see that movie” but he’s got a pretty good body of work and does some great character work. The obvious nomination for wooden actor would be Keanu Reeves. ---
**Author:** ![crypto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b3f665/32.png) [@crypto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crypto)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/4 "2009-10-28T20:47:00Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > You’re saying Paxton is a bad actor? Have you never seen Aliens, Wierd Science, Predator 2, Commando, Terminator, Navy SEALS, Tombstone, A Simple Plan, Club Dread, or the videos to Fishheads or Shadows of the Night? I honestly cannot comment on his work in Titanic other than “I have not, and will not see that movie” but he’s got a pretty good body of work and does some great character work. > > The obvious nomination for wooden actor would be Keanu Reeves. I’ve seen just about every movie you’ve stated. Bill Paxton has absolutely no talent. His voice is monotone, he sounds like he talks slower than everyone else in the picture, and his delivery is awful. Granted, Keanu has his own issues, but Paxton has bored me since his punk rocker appearance in the Terminator, and up to and including his current role in Big Love. He almost ruined Apollo 13, and any time I watch that movie again, I cringe at his “acting”. YM, of course, MV! ---
**Author:** ![crypto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b3f665/32.png) [@crypto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crypto)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/5 "2009-10-28T20:50:33Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > I only know Lindsey Crouse from her appearances on _Law and Order_ and _CSI_, but I do not think she has improved with age. Her first role on L&O was as a psychiatrist who was sleeping with her client, and encouraged him to kill his fiance. I thought she played the role rather well. Her later roles (as a judge shot by her husband, as a transexual on CSI) have been, as you say, wooden. > > Why would an actor’s talent deteriorate over time, rather than improve? Good question. The first time I remember seeing her was in Slap Shot, and I thought she was ok in the movie. But over time, she’s become the female version of Bill Paxton. ---
**Author:** ![cactus\_waltz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@cactus\_waltz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cactus_waltz)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/6 "2009-10-28T21:09:25Z")
For actual couples, Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Ann Moss is not too bad. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/7 "2009-10-28T21:18:15Z")
Kevin Costner and Melanie Griffith: they could make_Antony and Cleopatra_ or _The Lion in Winter_ look like the lamest ever episode of _Yes Dear_ ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/8 "2009-10-28T22:32:21Z")
Bill Paxton is not a terrible or wooden actor. You’re welcome to dislike him, I certainly don’t love him but there are about a million more wooden examples out there. I have no idea who Lindsey Crouse is. OP Fail. I’m going with Keanu Reeves and Kate Hudson. Yikes. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/9 "2009-10-28T22:45:23Z")
Kevin Costner and Rebecca Pidgeon. Holy shit, if they were in a movie together it would be a huge pile of stink, acting-wise at least. ---
**Author:** ![tanstaafl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba8739/32.png) [@tanstaafl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanstaafl)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/10 "2009-10-28T22:46:43Z")
Martin Landau and Barbera Bain. I always maintain that Anderson picked them as the leads for _Space: 1999_ because all his experience was with directing wooden marionettes. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/11 "2009-10-28T22:47:11Z")
I almost forgot about Ari Larter. She’s got two basic looks: the blank stare with the teeth sticking out and that other blank stare with the teeth sticking out. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/12 "2009-10-28T23:21:58Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > I almost forgot about Ari Larter. She’s got two basic looks: the blank stare with the teeth sticking out and that other blank stare with the teeth sticking out. Agreed, and I will pair her up with Jake Lloyd. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/13 "2009-10-28T23:24:31Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Kevin Costner and Melanie Griffith: they could make_Antony and Cleopatra_ or _The Lion in Winter_ look like the lamest ever episode of _Yes Dear_ Melanie Griffith is really bad, but she’s not wooden. Denise Richards is wooden. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/14 "2009-10-28T23:27:16Z")
How about Kelly Preston and David Duchovny? ---
**Author:** ![crypto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b3f665/32.png) [@crypto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crypto)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/15 "2009-10-28T23:38:59Z")
> [@Omniscient](#): > > Bill Paxton is not a terrible or wooden actor. You’re welcome to dislike him. gee, thanks. > [@Omniscient](#): > > I certainly don’t love him but there are about a million more wooden examples out there. HA! > [@Omniscient](#): > > I have no idea who Lindsey Crouse is. OP Fail. I don’t fail because you don’t know who Lindsey Crouse is. Look her up on IMDB. She’s been in as many movies as Bill Paxton. > [@Omniscient](#): > > I’m going with Keanu Reeves and Kate Hudson. Yikes. Keanu yes… Kate Hudson? c’mon! OK, your opinion… and I’m just being a pain in the ass. The one vapid woman I forgot… Melanie Griffith ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/16 "2009-10-28T23:55:31Z")
Gregory Peck and Rebecca Pidgeon ---
**Author:** ![Apocalypso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Apocalypso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apocalypso)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/17 "2009-10-28T23:56:21Z")
Keanu and Andie MacDowell. What do I win? ---
**Author:** ![cactus\_waltz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@cactus\_waltz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cactus_waltz)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2009, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/18 "2009-10-28T23:59:13Z")
Where does Andie McDowell place in this context? I’m not sure she’s wooden as much as she is definitely not good. _e_ Beaten! ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2009, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/19 "2009-10-29T00:04:58Z")
What about January Jones? I remember someone posting something like, “is she really wooden or is she supposed to be that way for Mad Men”–but there was no consensus. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2009, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/20 "2009-10-29T00:26:32Z")
How appropriate that there is a thread about this show running now. Martin Landau and Barbara Bain in Space 1999. By a landslide. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500.md?page=2)