# pick your wooden actor - actress couple of all-time! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 28, 2009, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500 "2009-10-28T19:32:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Christopher\_Robin\_Davies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8dc957/32.png) [@Christopher\_Robin\_Davies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Christopher_Robin_Davies)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2012, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/81 "2012-02-22T17:37:14Z")
> [@tumbleddown](#): > > Oh absolutely. Everyone raved about her in _Interview With the Vampire_ because she was a little girl tackling very adult subject matter, but she wasn’t stellar in that role, she just didn’t corpse it. Compare her “skills” in that role to Anna Paquin’s performance in _The Piano_ and the inability is obvious, and if that doesn’t cork it, check out the horror which is the 1994 remake of _Little Women_ with wooden Dunst, unable-to-convincingly-cry Claire Danes and one-expression Samantha Mathis, all horribly miscast against the sublime Susan Sarandon, Trini Alvarado and Winona Ryder. Even the unknown character actress cast as the family maid showed more convincing emotion than Dunst, Danes or Mathis, actually. > > That said, how are we 60-odd posts in without a single mention of the biggest plank of wood to ever wooden his woody, splitery way through three of the highest grossing films in history? People, people, come on! **Hayden Christensen**!! Hayden Christensen was not in the first Star Wars prequel because the Anakin character was only a little boy in that pic. Anyway HC was very good in Shattered Glass and Life as a House. I think that you have to blame his stiff performance in SW on George Lucas. That is how Lucas wanted him and also Natalie Portman to act. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2012, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/82 "2012-02-22T22:11:40Z")
What? No mention of [Ryan O’Neal and Ali MacGraw](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5-8_1uCzR8) yet? Oh wait, someone did mention zombies… ---
**Author:** ![mambocrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@mambocrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mambocrow)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2012, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/83 "2012-02-22T22:13:07Z")
Christopher Lambert and Emily Procter. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/84 "2012-02-23T15:13:13Z")
I will defend David Caruso as the above-mentioned analysis of Jack Lord pretty much covers it. I think a stolid leading man with little emotions in a police procedural is meant to be that way, so as not to detract from the lurid crimes. There would be too much going on in a show. Same with Hayden Christensen in Star Wars, where he was specifically instructed during the filming NOT to imbue Darth Vader with any warm n’ fuzzy emotions. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/85 "2012-02-23T15:57:50Z")
[Dickie Jones](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0032910/) and [Kristy Swanson](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102395/) ---
**Author:** ![Normal\_Phase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Normal\_Phase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Normal_Phase)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/86 "2012-02-23T18:02:13Z")
This was worth resurrecting just for that Lindsay Crouse trailer. Priceless. ---
**Author:** ![CaptMurdock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captmurdock/32/11736_2.png) [@CaptMurdock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptMurdock)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/87 "2012-02-24T00:02:42Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > What about January Jones? I remember someone posting something like, “is she really wooden or is she supposed to be that way for Mad Men”–but there was no consensus. No, she’s that way in everything I’ve seen her in. I don’t know how the hell she gets work [insert chauvenistic reference to illicit sexual acts here as needed]. She had **one** expression on her face. **One.** You could drop a bowling ball on her foot and still she would not emote. ---
**Author:** ![Roadfood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc348/32.png) [@Roadfood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roadfood)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2012, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/88 "2012-02-24T00:07:29Z")
> [@Ellis\_Aponte\_Jr](#): > > Jack Lord’s hair was stiff, but he _owned_ the character of Steve McGarrett, to the point that, in his absence, you could _not_ remake _Hawaii Five-0_, although someone is foolishly trying to. One of my pet peeves, here. They really aren’t remaking _Hawaii Five-0_. They’re using the title and the names of the characters, and then making an entirely different TV series. Fercrisakes, they changed a male character to a hot girl. How can anyone call that a remake? ---
**Author:** ![Vrinda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@Vrinda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vrinda)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/89 "2013-01-06T05:57:11Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > That’s pretty much exactly what it means. An actor with less range than other actors is pretty much by definition less talented as an actor than the others. So what? That doesn’t mean that actor hasn’t got any talent. Jack did a comedy film called “Ride to Hangman’s Tree” and was very versatile in it, however, he didn’t do comedy as a main line of acting like others did. Dorothy is judging him by an assumption that he couldn’t do a romantic comedy, and judging an actor by a role they didn’t play is not an accurate way to judge talent. ---
**Author:** ![Sevencl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sevencl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevencl)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/90 "2013-01-06T06:22:04Z")
Robert Beltran (Chakotay from ST:VOY) and Ben Stein. EDIT: sorry, read the OP but not the title, didn’t notice it was actor and actress. I… can’t think of an actress who’s _that_ bad off-hand… ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/91 "2013-01-06T08:24:47Z")
Michael O’Hare from Babylon 5. My god… ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/92 "2013-01-06T14:09:58Z")
[William Hurt](http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMjEyNzA5MTUxN15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTU3ODQ3MQ%40%40._V1._SY314_CR1,0,214,314_.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000458/&h=170&w=116&sz=1&tbnid=oNKZyPwmokJmfM:&tbnh=170&tbnw=116&zoom=1&usg=__h2rGuxU0bUrSwd2gib0AQBepRuI=&docid=eB1HDZpilXoxCM&itg=1&hl=en&sa=X&ei=tYTpUNDmLqOpiQLn1ICABw&sqi=2&ved=0CIgBEPwdMAo). The guy would make a fine mallet. I have to agree on January Jones; the woman is lucky people don’t set their drinks on her head. ---
**Author:** ![UntouchedTakeaway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d78d45/32.png) [@UntouchedTakeaway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UntouchedTakeaway)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/93 "2013-01-06T14:45:34Z")
I only have a male entry: Wendell Corey. What do I win? He died of cirrohosis of the liver, but I think that was a cover up for Dutch elm disease. He _was_ enjoyable as John Hodiak’s wife…uh, sidekick in _Desert Fury_. UT ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/94 "2013-01-06T15:07:28Z")
> [@Spoke](#): > > Oh, and **Scarlett Johannson** also belongs in this thread. Great looking gal, but she really brings the hickory. So, she gives you wood? ---
**Author:** ![phungi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phungi/32/395_2.png) [@phungi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phungi)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/95 "2013-01-06T15:13:41Z")
Keanu Reeves (in _Point Break_) and Sofía Vergara (in _New Years Eve_) ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/96 "2013-01-06T17:11:14Z")
> [@UntouchedTakeaway](#): > > He died of cirrohosis of the liver, but I think that was a cover up for Dutch elm disease. I had to turn away from my keyboard/screen as coffee dribbled out of my mouth. Not quite a spit-take, but funny. ---
**Author:** ![Ms\_Boods](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5e9695/32.png) [@Ms\_Boods](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms_Boods)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/97 "2013-01-06T17:22:00Z")
Adrianna Mills – she’s absolutely fascinating [http://www.the-back-row.com/index.php/2010/09/23/a-tribute-to-adrianna-miles-the-worst-actress-of-all-time](http://www.the-back-row.com/index.php/2010/09/23/a-tribute-to-adrianna-miles-the-worst-actress-of-all-time) ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/98 "2013-01-06T17:56:39Z")
> [@Spoke](#): > > I’ve made my picks, but I’ll also commit some Hollywood heresy and say that Gary Cooper was a mighty oak. Yea, **Gary Cooper** gets my vote. \*Very \*wooden. I do not understand why people consider him a good actor. He is the reason the film adaptation of The Fountainhead sucked, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/99 "2013-01-06T18:03:17Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > Yea, **Gary Cooper** gets my vote. \*Very \*wooden. I do not understand why people consider him a good actor. He is the reason the film adaptation of The Fountainhead sucked, IMO. Considering the source material, I wouldn’t blame Cooper so much… ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2013, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500/100 "2013-01-07T01:09:24Z")
> [@Spoke](#): > > Oh, and **Scarlett Johannson** also belongs in this thread. Great looking gal, but she really brings the hickory. Amen. I’ve yet to see her do anything other than make that “dazed fish” face. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pick-your-wooden-actor-actress-couple-of-all-time/515500.md?page=6)