# Picking up on sarcasm **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 27, 2013, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343 "2013-10-27T00:58:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/21 "2013-10-27T16:15:33Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Dumb **monstro**. :eek: Ouch! Please never, ever call a smart woman dumb. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/22 "2013-10-27T16:22:01Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > Interesting. It sounds like you are comfortable with how _you_ define what’s Funny - even confident about it. You enter into a situation feeling that you know Funny. It seems to bias you against listening for sarcasm, perhaps because it is a part of the Funny Toolkit you tend not to use. ??? I guess. I don’t know. I’m just now learning that I don’t have an ear for sarcasm, so I haven’t had time to think about it thoroughly. I don’t think I’m biased against sarcasm. Though I will say, sarcasm can sometimes seem “mean” to me and I don’t usually bend that way in my humor. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/23 "2013-10-27T16:28:22Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I guess. I don’t know. I’m just now learning that I don’t have an ear for sarcasm, so I haven’t had time to think about it thoroughly. > > I don’t think I’m biased against sarcasm. Though I will say, sarcasm can sometimes seem “mean” to me and I don’t usually bend that way in my humor. If I walk into a situation thinking I _know_ how the conversation is likely to go, I am more surprised/confused/upset, etc, when it goes places I wasn’t expecting. Seems to apply here (again - ???): you do _not_ do sarcasm, so you go in not looking for it. Is it just sarcasm, or are there other multi-level communications approaches that are also a chore - lead to confusion for you, but occur less commonly vs sarcasm? ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/24 "2013-10-27T16:33:38Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > If I walk into a situation thinking I _know_ how the conversation is likely to go, I am more surprised/confused/upset, etc, when it goes places I wasn’t expecting. Seems to apply here (again - ???): you do _not_ do sarcasm, so you go in not looking for it. Right. I mean what I say, so I expect others to mean what they say too. Is this a bad assumption to make? I can’t imagine NOT looking like a fool if I expected sarcasm around every conversational turn. I don’t think people use sarcasm that often. Or maybe they do? > [@](#): > > Is it just sarcasm, or are there other multi-level approaches also a chore? I don’t know what other “multi-level approach” you could be talking about. Would you mind elaborating? ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/25 "2013-10-27T16:57:37Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Right. I mean what I say, so I expect others to mean what they say too. > > Is this a bad assumption to make? I can’t imagine NOT looking like a fool if I expected sarcasm around every conversational turn. I don’t think people use sarcasm that often. Or maybe they do? I can only observe that if you find use of sarcasm catches you pretty frequently (???) then maybe you should consider adjusting your assumptions. > [@](#): > > I don’t know what other “multi-level approach” you could be talking about. Would you mind elaborating? Hmm - how about the social / professional politics of a conversation - where folks are discussing the topic at hand AND there are office politics or social connections at work? Do you pick up on those cues readily? ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/26 "2013-10-27T17:07:30Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > I can only observe that if you find use of sarcasm catches you pretty frequently (???) then maybe you should consider adjusting your assumptions. I already gave you an example of what happens when I put my guard up and play the skeptic. Do you have any practical advice for me? Apparently “adjusting assumptions” isn’t specific enough. > [@](#): > > Hmm - how about the social / professional politics of a conversation - where folks are discussing the topic at hand AND there are office politics or social connections at work? > > Do you pick up on those cues readily? I don’t know. And I don’t know how I would know such a thing. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/27 "2013-10-27T17:17:26Z")
All I got is: don’t worry what others think if you need to ask if they are serious. If sarcasm is, for want of a better term, a “blind spot” for you, I would ask. And if they roll their eyes, just say “hey, I don’t do sarcasm and have to ask; if you don’t want to deal with my reaction, don’t use sarcasm with me…” I know: a pain and it can put them off a bit. But they are the sarcastic ones who may be adding layers to the conversation. Wish I had more… ---
**Author:** ![stoplight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@stoplight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stoplight)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/28 "2013-10-27T18:12:24Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > According to someone I trust, I don’t pick up on sarcasm very well. I guess she was tired of me ruining her jokes or something. > > I have always been kind of gullible and trusting, so I’m not very surprised that I have this flaw. I am able to detect the “yeah, right” type of sarcasm–the most obvious kind. But if someone slides in absurdity while keeping a straight face, chances are I will accept it as truth. There’s a guy at work whose default setting is “jokester” and he’s always been this way as long as I have known him, and yet I still have a hard time not interpreting him literally. It’s like I can’t learn from past “gotchas”. Sometimes I sense his frustration with me when I “correct” him or ask for clarification, like he thinks I’m being a stick-in-the-mud on purpose. But I’ve got a great sense of humor. It’s just that…I dunno. I just can’t detect sarcasm very well. I think it’s why I sometimes feel exhausted when I’m with people. All the misunderstandings wear me out, and I feel embarrassed from looking like an idiot. > > I used to work with a guy that was always taking advantage of my gullible nature. Tired of being the “fool” all the time, I started being skeptical whenever he would tell me something. Which wasn’t wise. One day we were backing the boat down the ramp and he warned me about alligators lurking in the water. I laughed at him and told him to quit playing. No way I was going to be tricked again! But then he grabbed me and pulled me out of the water. Sure enough, there was a giant monster a few feet away my feet. Dumb **monstro**. > > Anyone dealt with this before, either in themselves or in someone else? Is it possible for me to overcome this so late in the game? yes…my best buddy’s wife is much like you, she does not recognize the finer well placed sarcastic remarks made those in our group. Unlike you she rarely asks for clarification and tends to fake laugh while others are belly laughing. Unfortunately her behavior can be construed by others outside our group as disingenuous. That is her burden to carry or not. Those of us who know her have learned to leave the sarcasm in our comedic quivers when interacting directly with her, its just easier on her and us. However when the quiver is emptied with someone who gets it we often feel she is just sort of lost in the conversation. :smack: She does have a sense of humor but sarcasm and quick wit she rarely puts in play. But interesting enough on occasion she will get the intended sarcasm and will laugh genuinely from the heart usually harder then everybody else. Even then it feels to us she is not getting it, if that makes sense. I doubt there is anything you can do differently. Just one of those things. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/29 "2013-10-27T19:36:47Z")
> [@stoplight](#): > > Not sure I get it. Sarcasm is largely delivered by voice inflection, accenting a specific word, drawing attention to the subject matter etc. So what you are saying is you are not able to pick up on the verbal and non verbal cues of sarcasm? > I see a difference between someone who teases using your gullible nature as a tool against you vs someone who uses sarcasm to make their point. Sarcasm also relies heavily on context. If a person lacks the knowledge or familiarity of the context, they won’t know if the remark is legitimate or absurd. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/30 "2013-10-28T18:13:15Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Nope. Down in south Florida, alligators love hanging around public boat ramps. It must be like a buffet to them ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/31 "2013-10-28T18:38:35Z")
One of my neighbors had a bumper sticker that said, “My soul was removed to make room for all this sarcasm.” > [@stoplight](#): > > Not sure I get it. Sarcasm is largely delivered by voice inflection, accenting a specific word, drawing attention to the subject matter etc. So what you are saying is you are not able to pick up on the verbal and non verbal cues of sarcasm? A lot of good sarcasm can be delivered perfectly straight, though. For example: There’s a shelf at my job that has accumulated about a dozen partial rolls of trash bags, because people have this tendency to go to the storeroom and grab a new roll every time they need a trash bag, instead of tearing off a bag from the rolls that are already there, and then they toss the new roll onto the shelf. So my 62-year-old coworker, new at the job, noticed this pile of partial rolls and said, straight-faced and matter-of-factly, to our 23-year-old coworker, “What we need is about sixteen more rolls of these bags on this shelf.” The 23-year-old immediately headed toward the storeroom to get more. We had to stop her. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/32 "2013-10-28T23:12:48Z")
That is both sad and hilarious. (Sad because I could totally see myself doing the same thing.) ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/33 "2013-10-28T23:51:17Z")
A missing sarcasm detector is a very minor character fault. The greater fault, really, is with those people for whom every conversation is some kind of game to win (and so likes “gotcha’s”), or is unable to figure out (after a few attempts) that the sarcasm is falling on deaf ears. I use sarcasm a lot but mostly only with people that I know respond well to it. It gives a nice subtext to the conversation and is a signal that we’re communicating more than superficially. But not everyone responds the same way, and sarcasm isn’t the only way to have a deep conversation. Some people don’t pick up on it and so I’m not sarcastic with those people, or tune my tone of voice to be more obvious (i.e, the more “yeah, right!” form). Very occasionally, in moments of weakness and when I am annoyed with someone, I use subtle sarcasm against people that I know won’t pick up on it. Sometimes, or especially, when I know that others who are present _will_ pick up on it. But I always feel bad afterward and it’s frankly a douche move. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2013, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/34 "2013-11-06T09:39:29Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > One of my neighbors had a bumper sticker that said, “My soul was removed to make room for all this sarcasm.” > > A lot of good sarcasm can be delivered perfectly straight, though. For example: > > There’s a shelf at my job that has accumulated about a dozen partial rolls of trash bags, because people have this tendency to go to the storeroom and grab a new roll every time they need a trash bag, instead of tearing off a bag from the rolls that are already there, and then they toss the new roll onto the shelf. > > So my 62-year-old coworker, new at the job, noticed this pile of partial rolls and said, straight-faced and matter-of-factly, to our 23-year-old coworker, “What we need is about sixteen more rolls of these bags on this shelf.” > > The 23-year-old immediately headed toward the storeroom to get more. We had to stop her. See, I don’t see that as a problem understanding sarcasm. I see that as not being on the same wavelength as the 62-year-old and noticing the bags as a problem. Unless he uses vocal inflection or other signals, there is no clue unless you notice that problem in the first place. Though I have a hard time picturing anyone delivering that line straight. It would either be delivered in an overly boisterous or overly serious manner. But the above is the same reason I sometimes don’t notice my sister’s deadpan snarkiness. She’s just much, much more observant than I am. BTW, **monstro** , do you have this trouble on this board? I haven’t noticed such a problem. If you can notice it in text, then you should be able to notice it in speech–so I wonder what the disconnect is. The only thing that makes sense is the observant thing I mention above. With everything written down for you, it’s much easier to observe what’s going on in these threads. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2013, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/35 "2013-11-06T10:13:10Z")
**monstro** \> alligator it’s ok, you’re greater than the alligator, so there’s nothing to worry about. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2013, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/36 "2013-11-06T10:39:53Z")
I recently fell foul of this at work. I had written a report for someone and after sending it to her she emailed back, “Sorry I forgot to ask you to include in the query the following data. If it’s not too much trouble could you run it again some time with the additional stuff.” I rewrote and reran the query, which only took a few minutes, attached it to a reply and wrote, “No. Unfortunately you failed to specify your request properly initially so that’s it.” Since this is the exact opposite of how I feel about such things I assumed she would get the joke. Unfortunately she replied, “That’s OK. Just thought it was worth a shot.” So I then had to explain myself. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2013, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/37 "2013-11-06T10:52:52Z")
Just one datapoint but… I have a friend who can’t detect sarcasm. Therefore, when I am in conversation with this friend, I make a point not to use sarcasm. Anyone who continues to be sarcastic in the presence of someone they know doesn’t get it, is a bit of a dick, in my humblest of opinions. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2013, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/38 "2013-11-06T12:01:46Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > BTW, **monstro** , do you have this trouble on this board? I haven’t noticed such a problem. If you can notice it in text, then you should be able to notice it in speech–so I wonder what the disconnect is. The only thing that makes sense is the observant thing I mention above. With everything written down for you, it’s much easier to observe what’s going on in these threads. I am whooshed here on a regular basis, but I’m also pretty good about taking a wait-and-see approach before posting in response to certain posters. Smilies are also less subtle than facial expressions and voice inflection, so they help. There’s a contractor I communicate with through email primarily, and he has a sarcastic sense of humor. Email isn’t the best forum for this, and he’s also aware that I’m the gullible type. So when he sends me an email containing hyperbole or exaggeration, he’ll hastily follow-up with a “You know I’m just joking, right?” even before I get the chance to respond. Which kind of detracts from his humor, but at least he’s being thoughtful. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2013, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/39 "2013-11-06T13:01:42Z")
Excerpt from a conversation we had at a management meeting at work: Other Manager: You’ll like Msmith. He’s one of the funniest, most sarcastic guys in the office. Help Desk Manager: Oh I know him from our weekly call! I don’t think he’s sarcastic at all. He’s always telling us how we are awesome and doing a great job and how we really make his life easier with our quick and courteous service and how he wishes he could have a hundred people like us… running …the …company…um…oh. Another conversation: Me: I’m really looking forward to this project. I think we have a great team and this will really add value to the company. My Boss: Are you being sarcastic? Me: I don’t even know any more. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2013, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343/40 "2013-11-06T20:09:10Z")
Are you really talking about sarcasm here? A lot of the examples are of sarcasm but it seems to me you really have trouble with people with a dry sense of humour. Sarcasm is only a small part of that. Telling someone there are alligators in the water when there aren’t is not sarcasm (I know there really were alligators but if that’s the type of interplay you are wary off, it’s not sarcasm per se.) Sarcasm is usually made obvious by tone of voice. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/picking-up-on-sarcasm/672343.md?page=3)