# Pig Masterbation. SQUEEEEEALLLLLLL! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 30, 2004, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314 "2004-11-30T12:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/1 "2004-11-30T12:23:39Z")
[Oink.](http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,11542454%255E13762,00.html) ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/2 "2004-11-30T12:30:42Z")
“Don’t look!”, the adult part of my brain said. “OOH! Let’s see! Let’s see!”, the juvenile part of my brain said, followed by a \. When will I ever learn to listen to the adult part of my brain! ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Orzabal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c2a13f/32.png) [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/3 "2004-11-30T12:51:55Z")
…and there was MPSIMS, and it was good. ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/4 "2004-11-30T13:22:30Z")
Red rocket! Red rocket! ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/5 "2004-11-30T13:25:44Z")
> [@](#): > > “We don’t believe that the scene was degrading or harmful to the boar.” Hee! ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/6 "2004-11-30T14:00:14Z")
I like the phrase “Morbid and Sordid.” I must find occasions to use it. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/7 "2004-11-30T14:48:52Z")
> [@Bruce\_Daddy](#): > > Red rocket! Red rocket! You can only milk the dog so often. Don’t you know anything? ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/8 "2004-11-30T14:56:52Z")
Akin to bestiality indeed. :rolleyes: I worked for a vet, and I’m here to tell you, it’s not like you can ask the pig (or whatever animal you need a sample from) to go into the back room with a little cup and an issue of Playboar. It’s a standard procedure, albeit an unpleasant one. For the vet, that is. Fortunately, I wasn’t “qualified” enough to be able to perform the procedure myself. Although I saw it done to various animals on numerous occassions. FYI, yes, pretty much every male in the animal kingdom makes “that face” during orgasm. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![JeffB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeffb/32/188_2.png) [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/9 "2004-11-30T15:01:42Z")
> [@](#): > > …stimulating the boar for 10 minutes… Sounds like her technique is pretty good. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/10 "2004-11-30T15:12:03Z")
Didn’t they already do this on the Daily Show a few years back? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/11 "2004-11-30T15:50:23Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > “Don’t look!”, the adult part of my brain said. “OOH! Let’s see! Let’s see!”, the juvenile part of my brain said, followed by a \. > > When will I ever learn to listen to the adult part of my brain! I know, I was the same way and all I could think of is \* How can I lure dopers into reading this and wasting a few minutes of their lives with such useless knowledge.\* Now, if Paris Hilton had to jerk the pig, that would be entertainment. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/12 "2004-11-30T16:16:12Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Now, if Paris Hilton had to jerk the pig, that would be entertainment. _\_ ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/13 "2004-11-30T16:22:22Z")
She oinked him off. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/14 "2004-11-30T16:33:15Z")
\*Dear Barnyard Forum, I never thought this would happen to me but . . .\* ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/15 "2004-11-30T16:47:55Z")
“Paris Hilton…she was sssssuuuuueeeey-eeet!” snuffed Oliver the pig, smoking a cigerette after a well manicured hand job. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/16 "2004-11-30T17:14:41Z")
I’ll forgo posting a pun in _lieu_ of this observation: > [@](#): > > Affectum cleared broadcaster Channel Five of breaching decency standards, saying the procedure was perfectly normal. “The task performed by Rebecca Loos is one that occurs regularly on UK farms. It was properly supervised by a qualified veterinary surgeon and was carried out for a genuine purpose - to artificially inseminate the pigs on the ‘celebrity farm’,” the ruling said. If our FCC used similar _perfectly-normal, regularly-occurring, properly-supervised & genuinely-purposeful_ as the guidelines for what could pass muster with American network censors, I could just imagine what would type of _morbid sordid_ness would be airing on FOX this spring. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/17 "2004-11-30T19:14:09Z")
The oddest part of the story is that the boar is now on the same list as David Beckham. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/18 "2004-11-30T20:22:29Z")
> [@AskNott](#): > > The oddest part of the story is that the boar is now on the same list as David Beckham. 😉 You should see the text messages she got. **Snurfle snurfle snort. Snuffle snuffle oink. Sueeeeeeeeee! Sueeeeeee! Oink oink snuffle.** ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/19 "2004-11-30T20:44:05Z")
“We don’t believe that the scene was degrading or harmful to the boar.” Oh, and what does the general public think will eventually happen to the boar? That he’ll live happily ever after on some Fun Farm? …guess they didn’t figure that he’ll eventually go to the slaughter. How degrading and harmful with THAT be? at least he’ll die with a smile on his face. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314/20 "2004-11-30T21:06:43Z")
> [@phall0106](#): > > “We don’t believe that the scene was degrading or harmful to the boar.” > > Oh, and what does the general public think will eventually happen to the boar? That he’ll live happily ever after on some Fun Farm? > > …guess they didn’t figure that he’ll eventually go to the slaughter. How degrading and harmful with THAT be? > > at least he’ll die with a smile on his face. Pork jerky! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pig-masterbation-squeeeeealllllll/277314.md?page=2)