# Pigs and penises **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [February 18, 2009, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447 "2009-02-18T21:17:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2009, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/1 "2009-02-18T21:17:48Z")
I just wanted to say that the current classic column now up, the one about corkscrew shaped penises on pigs, from 1984, is the first Straight Dope I ever read. It was in a paper in Chicago, on the university of Chicago campus. so, here’s to the person who asked that question! They brought me to the Straight Dope. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2009, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/2 "2009-02-18T21:25:28Z")
[Here’s a link](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/50/does-a-pig-have-a-corkscrew-shaped-penis) ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Newcome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b77776/32.png) [@Hal\_Newcome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Newcome)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2009, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/3 "2009-02-18T21:58:23Z")
As the owner of a miniature potbellied pig, Burger, I can confirm that they have manparts of a corkscrewish appearance. I’ve only seen it a few times. Most of the time he looks like he has a weird belly button. Six or seven longish bristles/hairs stick out of a hole he urinates from. These three pictures give you a good idea of it, right there mid-belly between parallel rows of vestigial nipples: [![Imgur](https://live.staticflickr.com/2243/2406430782_416dbf721a_z.jpg "P4020003") ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/85148595@N00/2406430782/) [![Imgur](https://live.staticflickr.com/2244/2406483186_440f1f5483_z.jpg "P3180060") ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/85148595@N00/2406483186/) [![Imgur](https://live.staticflickr.com/2089/2406437042_8566666881_z.jpg "PB190025") ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/85148595@N00/2406437042/) He lies like that when he wants a belly rub. Most pet pigs like this are neutered at a few weeks old. Whole boars get violent and develop a strong smell at around a 18 months. When we got Burger he was whole. At ten months, Burger developed an amorous attitude for a sunny spot on the back deck. The penis twirled out – yes it does twirl, and I think it’s clockwise. It looked more like an augur bit than a wine corkscrew to me, just the last few inches, but I was working hard to keep my lunch down whenever I saw it. A week or so of this flirting, and he finally went all the way. The penis twirled a remarkable length compared to his body size, and touched the deck between his forehooves, depositing a deckstaining load of baby pig mix. This is at odds with the research materials quoted in Cecil’s column, in that he didn’t corkscrew into an appropriately-shaped sow cervix, but I saw what I wish I could unsee. We got him fixed a few days later. I still see a few inches of corkscrew appear perhaps every few months if Burger has just peed and rushes over in an agitated state. You need to be at a low vantage point to catch a glimpse, so, say, sitting on the floor. There’s never been a repeat performance like that day on the deck, thank the heavens. A year of exposure to the elements did not expunge that tablespoon-sized splotch from the porch boards. ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2009, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/4 "2009-02-18T22:24:16Z")
> [@Hal\_Newcome](#): > > A year of exposure to the elements did not expunge that tablespoon-sized splotch from the porch boards. So, what you’re saying is, if you get pig cum on your deck you’re screwed? BTW, I hate to admit that I looked closely and I couldn’t see it. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/5 "2009-02-19T04:54:05Z")
How could a corkscrew penis screw into a similarly-shaped vagina? I mean the boar doesn’t rotate like a corkscrew going into a cork, does he. ---
**Author:** ![supergoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@supergoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supergoose)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/6 "2009-02-19T06:18:18Z")
According to **Hal Newcome** ’s description, _the penis does_. How this might be accomplished internally, I do not know. (And I thought the forked penis/vagina of kangaroos was bizarre. How naive I was.) ---
**Author:** ![Seydell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Seydell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seydell)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/7 "2009-02-19T12:21:44Z")
Here’s a webpage with a decent illustration for those having difficulty envisioning the organ in question: [http://scienceblogs.com/clock/2007/07/friday\_weird\_sex\_blogging\_cork.php](http://scienceblogs.com/clock/2007/07/friday_weird_sex_blogging_cork.php) ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Newcome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b77776/32.png) [@Hal\_Newcome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Newcome)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/8 "2009-02-19T17:02:27Z")
Thanks for the link to the illustration, Seydell. Now I have a file on my desktop named “A pig’s reproductive tract.jpeg”. “Sheath”, hah. Christ almighty. The illo and explanation of the boar’s penis… yikes. Seems to indicate a counter-clockwise spiral though, don’t it? I have questions about my piggy that don’t get answered. Sex stuff is known to us because of husbandry and farming bacon, I get it. But Burger has two or three pore-like structures on the anterior of the knees of his fore-legs that become clogged with pusslike or fibrous material. They don’t seem to bother him, though I occasionally pick out the occluding matter in the course of grooming. But man, what the hell is with those pores? ---
**Author:** ![schindler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@schindler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/schindler)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/9 "2009-02-19T19:05:22Z")
i love you all. class woulda been boring today if i hadn’t read all this. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/10 "2009-02-19T19:08:11Z")
Maybe Burger has “kneesles.”😉 ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Newcome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b77776/32.png) [@Hal\_Newcome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Newcome)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/11 "2009-02-19T20:07:52Z")
> [@AskNott](#): > > Maybe Burger has “kneesles.”😉 The deck wishes he had smallcox. ---
**Author:** ![hawksgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@hawksgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawksgirl)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/12 "2009-02-19T22:38:35Z")
Even more fun: the straws they use for swine artificial insemination are corkscrew shaped too! ---
**Author:** ![JohnM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/848f3c/32.png) [@JohnM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnM)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/13 "2009-02-19T22:49:00Z")
By the way, the Google Ad that is showing for me on the column in question is for Metrokane Wine Accessories, featuring, of course, corkscrews. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Parker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/35a633/32.png) [@Richard\_Parker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Parker)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/14 "2009-02-19T22:58:08Z")
Porkscrew! ---
**Author:** ![JohnM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/848f3c/32.png) [@JohnM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnM)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/15 "2009-02-19T23:26:11Z")
> [@Richard\_Parker](#): > > Porkscrew! Okay, you’ve come up with the product name. Now we just have to line up a manufacturer and plan on having it in the stores (say, Spencer Gifts and Urban Outfitters) by Christmas time, and we’re on easy street. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2009, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/16 "2009-02-20T00:33:20Z")
> [@supergoose](#): > > According to **Hal Newcome** ’s description, _the penis does_. How this might be accomplished internally, I do not know. > > (And I thought the forked penis/vagina of kangaroos was bizarre. How naive I was.) It’s on a rotational bearing? I simply don’t believe it. To the best of my knowledge the bacterial flagellum is the only wheel-like structure in the animal kingdom. ---
**Author:** ![SeanArenas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeanArenas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeanArenas)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2009, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/17 "2009-02-20T00:36:39Z")
> [@Askance](#): > > It’s on a rotational bearing? I simply don’t believe it. To the best of my knowledge the bacterial flagellum is the only wheel-like structure in the animal kingdom. I doubt it spins like a pinwheel. I bet as it becomes engorged, it rotates a bit. Think of a hose that’s coiled one way, then as water goes through it … it straightens. The natural shape of the hose may be straight, but the natural shape of the pig penis is corkscrew. ---
**Author:** ![supergoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@supergoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supergoose)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2009, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/18 "2009-02-20T01:10:42Z")
> [@Askance](#): > > It’s on a rotational bearing? I simply don’t believe it. Good, because according to later posts, it’s not true. Sorry. Too bad, though. I thought I’d stumbled across a whole new realm of anatomic possibilities. ---
**Author:** ![Mrhorse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8dc957/32.png) [@Mrhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrhorse)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/19 "2009-02-22T23:39:57Z")
From Cecil’s post: “…male pig have a corkscrew-shaped **wanker** ” I’ve never heard that term used for the actual member itself - is that an Americanism or a mis-use of the English (and colonies) slang term for what Americans would usually call a jerk-off? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2009, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pigs-and-penises/486447/20 "2009-02-23T00:30:25Z")
> [@JohnM](#): > > Okay, you’ve come up with the product name. Now we just have to line up a manufacturer and plan on having it in the stores (say, Spencer Gifts and Urban Outfitters) by Christmas time, and we’re on easy street. 1. Figure out pig wangs 2. Market a substitute 3. Profit!