# Pilot answers: Wisenheimer Edition **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 18, 2015, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pilot-answers-wisenheimer-edition/710178 "2015-01-18T16:41:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2015, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pilot-answers-wisenheimer-edition/710178/21 "2015-01-26T22:48:05Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > … > > Q: What are all of the gauges for? > A: Mostly for show. But don’t tell anyone, or else _everyone_ will want to be a pilot! > > … When taking that person up with you for the first time… While pointing at the altimeter… “This one tells how high we are, I won’t get the others until the second lesson.” “Please fasten your seat belt.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2015, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pilot-answers-wisenheimer-edition/710178/22 "2015-01-27T03:36:19Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > When taking that person up with you for the first time… I bought a copy of [_How To Fly Helicopters_](http://s1210.photobucket.com/user/earthlightbooks/media/May%202014/3720118A-4DE6-4513-B562-323268B78ED0.jpg.html) for use as a prop when I had a new passenger. I’d ‘read’ it upside-down. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2015, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pilot-answers-wisenheimer-edition/710178/23 "2015-01-27T06:03:11Z")
During his test pilot days at Pax River, Jim “Shakey” Lovell would ask factory representatives when he was being briefed on a new aircraft “What button do I press to make it fly?” A gunner on a UH-1D in Nam was working on the M-60 mounted on the side of the chopper when a new to the country reporter asked him “How can you gun down and murder innocent women and children with that?” The gunner started swiveling the gun while sighting down the barrel for a bit and then told the reporter “I reckon you jes’ don’t lead them as much.” ---
**Author:** ![Av8trix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/90db22/32.png) [@Av8trix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Av8trix)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2015, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pilot-answers-wisenheimer-edition/710178/24 "2015-01-27T06:56:02Z")
Are you a pilot? - No, I just like wearing this polyester uniform. This plane is so small! -Small planes for small towns, Ma’am. Is this plane safe? - If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be here. Will I make my connection? -I can tell you how long it will take to fly there, but after that, you’re on your own. When do you get to be the pilot? or When will you be allowed to fly the plane?(Currently a first officer) -um. Have been. For a real long time now. Matter of fact, I’ll be flying this leg, thank you. Unless it’s a crappy landing, in which case it was the capt flying. I swear.😃 Still, I don’t mind answering questions. I think most pilots are that way, get us started and we’ll drone on in the name of fighting ignorance, and/or sharing how cool aviation can be. =) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2015, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pilot-answers-wisenheimer-edition/710178/25 "2015-01-27T14:15:51Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > During his test pilot days at Pax River, Jim “Shakey” Lovell would ask factory representatives when he was being briefed on a new aircraft “What button do I press to make it fly?” ‘How To Fly Helicopters: Part 2’. After perusing my book while I get the passenger strapped in, I used to look confusedly at the console and say, 'Button, button… Who’s go the button? Ah! There it is!" and then begin the startup procedure. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2015, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pilot-answers-wisenheimer-edition/710178/26 "2015-01-27T15:55:43Z")
The standard joke anyone who went through jump (paratrooper) school knows like a reflex. Q: Why would you want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane? A: In the military, there is no such thing as a perfectly good airplane. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2015, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pilot-answers-wisenheimer-edition/710178/27 "2015-01-27T16:12:28Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > A: In the military, there is no such thing as a perfectly good airplane. ‘Just remember: This aircraft was built by the lowest bidder.’ ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2015, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pilot-answers-wisenheimer-edition/710178/28 "2015-01-27T16:19:25Z")
> [@Av8trix](#): > > Are you a pilot? > > - No, I just like wearing this polyester uniform. A guy dies and goes up to Heaven. There’s a very long line at the Pearly Gates. Someone dressed like a pilot walks to the head of the line and through the gates. Saint Peter happened to be near the guy, and the guy says to him, ‘What’s going on? I can’t believe you let _pilots_ up here, let alone allow them to bypass the line and walk right in!’ Saint Peter says, ‘Oh, that’s God. Sometimes he thinks he’s a pilot.’ (I should have posted that in a Pilot Jokes thread, but it related to the Q&A. 😉 ) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pilot-answers-wisenheimer-edition/710178.md?page=1)