# Piper Cub defends us from vampires by laying down a strategic garlic perimeter. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 1, 2015, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295 "2015-06-01T00:57:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/1 "2015-06-01T00:57:33Z")
Mrs Piper is a good gardener, and we still have a box with several bulbs of garlic from last year’s harvest. The other day, I found a bulb of garlic on the floor near the TV. Then one near the Cub’s toy box. And one on the foot of the stairs. And one in our bedroom. And a few others here and there. Pre-fatherhood such things would have baffled me, but now when strange things happen chez Pipers, I know to go directly to the vortex. “Cub”, I said, “there seem to be several bulbs of garlic about the house. Do you know how they got there?” (Experience has shown that sidling up to the issue in the passive voice is more likely to elicit a reply than the question direct: “Why did you…?”) “Oh yes, Daddy, I know,” was his reply. “I put them there.” “And why would you be doing that?” I inquired. “Vampires, Daddy,” he said, matter-of-factly. “Vampires?” I asked. “Yes, just in case they come by. They won’t come into a house with lots of garlic,” he said, with the tone of voice he uses to explain matters to his lovable but dim-witted father. So when Mrs Piper came home from her trip and said “Why is there a bulb of garlic by the TV?” I was able to say with confidence “Anti-vampire measures. Very important.” I believe it confirmed her view that the Piper males are not fit to be left alone. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/2 "2015-06-01T03:21:35Z")
Could be a good, all-purpose excuse: “Honey, why is the window broken?” “Vampires” “Where is the cake I bought yesterday?” “Vampires ate it.” ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/3 "2015-06-01T12:23:55Z")
When I read the thread title, I hadn’t noticed your Doper handle, and thought that someone was using light aircraft to cropdust garlic bulbs around your house. [Les Nessman] As God is my witness, I thought Garlic could Fly![/LN] ---
**Author:** ![RiCu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19adc/32.png) [@RiCu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RiCu)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/4 "2015-06-01T12:25:43Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > When I read the thread title, I hadn’t noticed your Doper handle, and thought that someone was using light aircraft to cropdust garlic bulbs around your house. Same! ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/5 "2015-06-01T12:39:03Z")
For shame, teaching him all that nonsense. Everyone knows a vampire can’t come into your house without your permission. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/6 "2015-06-01T15:08:30Z")
Well at least he thought to put one in your bedroom. Many people would have concentrated their defense measures on their own personal safety. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/7 "2015-06-01T15:19:11Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > For shame, teaching him all that nonsense. > > Everyone knows a vampire can’t come into your house without your permission. You know what comes from knowing people who work in finance? Stuff like this, over popcorn and old movies: “What if you have a mortgage? Then he needs permission from the bank, and everybody who works there is his buddy anyway.” ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/8 "2015-06-01T15:36:07Z")
Did you conduct further direct examination to find out where the new-found concern for vampires came from? And did you also warn him about the velociraptors? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/9 "2015-06-01T20:49:23Z")
> [@Battle\_Pope](#): > > Could be a good, all-purpose excuse: > > “Honey, why is the window broken?” > “Vampires” > > “Where is the cake I bought yesterday?” > “Vampires ate it.” This beats **Not Me** from Family Circus. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/10 "2015-06-01T20:52:42Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > When I read the thread title, I hadn’t noticed your Doper handle, and thought that someone was using light aircraft to cropdust garlic bulbs around your house. Why would a vampire need a Piper Cub to fly? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/11 "2015-06-01T21:06:38Z")
Have you been attacked by vampires lately? If not then it seems to be working. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/12 "2015-06-01T21:16:43Z")
There are no vampires in our basement (where multiple garlic stalks/bulbs from last year’s harvest are still hanging). Ergo. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/13 "2015-06-01T21:20:01Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > [Les Nessman] As God is my witness, I thought Garlic could Fly![/LN] Arthur Carlson said that line, not Les Nessman. ---
**Author:** ![SaharaTea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SaharaTea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaharaTea)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/14 "2015-06-01T21:41:12Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > So when Mrs Piper came home from her trip and said “Why is there a bulb of garlic by the TV?” I was able to say with confidence “Anti-vampire measures. Very important.” This made me smile. My father (now deceased) was a huge horror buff. He used to half-jokingly warn us about bringing a crucifix or bulb of garlic when we took the garbage out at night. We were little kids at the time. I probably set a record sprinting back and forth to our garbage cans for fear that a vampire was lurking in the shadows. My siblings and I are somewhat amazed we didn’t turn out more disturbed. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/15 "2015-06-01T21:43:23Z")
I think that this is the perfect time to suddenly “discover” that vampires not only can’t stand garlic, but vegetables of all sorts, and little boys who always eat their vegetables are sure to never be attacked by the fanged ones. ---
**Author:** ![Recusant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/838e76/32.png) [@Recusant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Recusant)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/16 "2015-06-01T21:48:22Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > For shame, teaching him all that nonsense. > > Everyone knows a vampire can’t come into your house without your permission. Well now, what if someone who has a standing invitation to your house _becomes_ a vampire? You can’t blame him for thinking ahead- except that vampires can also become bats, and thus fly in- he’d’ve been better off hanging the garlic from the ceiling. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2015, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/17 "2015-06-01T21:57:46Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Why would a vampire need a Piper Cub to fly? Same reason ‘god’ needed a starship. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/18 "2015-06-02T02:11:03Z")
> [@Recusant](#): > > Well now, what if someone who has a standing invitation to your house _becomes_ a vampire? You can’t blame him for thinking ahead- except that vampires can also become bats, and thus fly in- he’d’ve been better off hanging the garlic from the ceiling. I believe they must be invited after they become a vampire to enter. Cite: My Ex Wife (Mrs. Plant (v.2.0)) has not entered my home since the divorce. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/19 "2015-06-02T02:17:16Z")
Made some nicely garlicky arugula pesto for tonight’s dinner. We’re certainly safe from vampires. Has Piper Cub read Bunnicula? ---
**Author:** ![DrumBum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e79b87/32.png) [@DrumBum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrumBum)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2015, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295/20 "2015-06-02T12:01:00Z")
Perhaps Piper Cub and his parents would enjoy a trip to Hungary to see the [worlds longest string of garlic](http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/longest-garlic-string-/). Alternatively, and probably closer, the family could go to the Gilroy Garlic Festival in California. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piper-cub-defends-us-from-vampires-by-laying-down-a-strategic-garlic-perimeter/721295.md?page=2)